The Day of Realisation

No laughs this morning. kp was very quiet, hardly talking at all. The first thing she wanted to do when she woke up was to go back to sleep

I persuaded her to have some breakfast and then we had 45 mins kip. We then started on the bedbath. Half way through, kp broke down into tears. She said she felt so helpless. I was moving all her arms and legs to allow for washing, and I could tell that for the first time, the reality of her situation was dawning on her. I told her to hug me, and she did. 1 minute later, I tried to move away so we could talk, but she didn’t let go. I tried to comfort her and tell her the things she has got to look forward to like “coming home, having a bath, a shower” etc…. And her reply was “Why should I have to look forward to those things ?”. She is dead right of course. They are all things we take for granted and now they are things that Karen has to aim for through no fault of her own.

Shortly after the upset, the physio came and halfway through the physio, kp broke down again. The physio didn’t know if he should push on or talk to Karen so he asked her. She said “Carry On”. So kp was crying while the physio was carrying on his arm/leg-bending.

I have been amazed (as a lot of people have) at kp’s progress to date. She works hard every day to make herself better. But every so often, she is going to have days like today. I tried to explain this as best I could to her – she is a very positive person and I feel sure she will bounce back within the next day or so.

When Marie arrived, kp hardly said a word until 30 minutes after we had took her outside. Her first real words were :-

kp:- “David, tell Marie what your mam said yesterday !”

I did. Marie and I laughed. kp smiled.

The results of some tests came back today and they confirmed that Karen has an infection in her bowel. I can’t recall the exact name, but it is a form of Chlostridium (not Botulinum that’s for sure).

She is very lacking in energy and just sleeps most of the time at the moment. For the first 20 minutes of Debs’ visit she was zonked. A Doctor had visited kp on a number of occasions today and kept leaving ‘cos he didn’t want to disturb her, but this time, he had to wake her up or he would never have seen her.This is when she realised she had a visitor.

I don’t think Debs got the best visit in the world, but thanks for all the goodies Debs. The Madeira Cake and Lemon Cake were lovely. Karen didn’t feel up to them, but it would be rude if I didn’t try them for her.

He checked her chest and a few other things and informed kp and Marie of the infection. She needs to drink 4L (8 pints in Geordie) of water a day. If she doesn’t she will be put on a drip to try and clear away the bowel infection. They don’t want to put her on a drip if they can help it, because of the risk of infection.

Today has been a low day for Karen – A trough in a sea of many crests.

She has hardly eaten anything today. Bit of breakfast (slice of toast), half a bowl of soup and a bread bun and nothing for tea apart from some cherries. Maybe that’s enough for someone who is in bed all day, but I, for one, would feel better if she ate more.

She could barely keep awake tonight.

To end on a positive
The doctor informed kp that the consultants had given the ok to put Karen in the hoist. This opens up a lot of doors for Karen that were otherwise closed such as

• Having a Bath
• Having a Shower
• Going in a normal chair
• Having a ride in a hoist

Which reminds me that the physio is going to dangle Karen on the end of the bed so her feet are hanging off the end. This will be weird for Karen after nearly 9 weeks of something always being beneath her feet. It is supposed to give her the sensation of going to stand up in preparation for that day.

I feel sure I have forgot some things, but the gist of this blog entry is that it has been a bad day for kp, upsetting, sad, and a generally low day.

Let’s hope a good night’s sleep does the trick, which reminds me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The “Chillow” arrived today. I took it in for kp and set it up. The “Chillow” is the chilled pillow – it was something her work team wanted to buy for her. It is basically a bag with some foam and water in, but after following the instructions I must admit it feels cool. We’ll know if it has been of benefit in the a.m.