Archive for June 22nd, 2008

Day 1155 – 1161. Monday 16th June to Sunday 22nd June 2008

Very bad week for both kp and I, but it ended heading in the right direction.

It all started on the Sunday night. We were watching TV and something sparked a conversation that went further and further downhill, until I was absolutely distraught (I can’t go into any more detail than that). I was sobbing like a baby and to make matters worse, it was dark and I didn’t realise that the distress had caused a huge nose bleed. You know what it’s like when you cry and your nose gets all blocked up, well I had that with this flooding nosebleed, but I didn’t realise it.

When we finally switched the light on, you’d think I had been beaten up. There was blood everywhere. All over my PJ top, all over my face and neck. I just couldn’t stop crying. Once I realised I was having a nose bleed, I went into the bathroom and held my head over the sink and it was just gushing. What’s worse (for Karen) was that all my upset was still there so I was bawling into the sink. Poor kp – she was upset that I was so upset.

What made matters worse was that I couldn’t see a way out of the conversation, and my thoughts inevitably turned to suicide. I’ll whap a few morphine patches on, drink a bottle of brandy, go to the car, put some hose into the window etc etc…. I had planned it all out in the short time I had a moment to think between sobs !

Thankfully, by the end of the night, we had reached a sort of impasse, but neither of us were comfortable with how it had been left and there was some disturbed sleep that night.

Unfortunately, the following day (monday) was the MDT (multi-disciplinary team) meeting. This is the meeting where all the specialists and the lawyers from both sides come to the house to discuss kp’s progress. But, I don’t think anyone could tell that we had been to hell and back the night before.

The MDT went vey well. No tears from kp this time. It was very positive and the Norwich Union people were good and supportive of some further actions that will help kp.

The bath buddy arrived. This is like a seat of air that goes in the bath and kp sits on and then deflates to get her in the bath, and then inflates to get out. kp has a bath every night as she feels it helps her aches and pains, but normally, I stand in first and then lower her in. When she wants to get out, I get in and lift her up. But it means she is reliant on my presence to have a bath. This will give her some independance back. We spent most of the week practising this instead of me lowering her. But haven’t cracked it yet. I let kp do everything herself. But little things confuse her ie. one day the power cord to the bath buddy was on top of the place where you have to plug the air hose in and she couldn’t work out how to undo it.

Anyway, we got past that, but haven’t successfully used it really despite about 4 attempts. She keeps sliding off after she has been lowered down, which means when she inflates it, she falls off into the bath – NOT GOOD !.

I think the position of it is wrong – we are going to try a different position next time. I think and hope we’ll crack it.

Tuesday saw Steve come for Physio. kp wanted to go through the routines she has to practice which they did and then they did some more Wii-Fit stuff, which she really enjoys. What a cracking thing for balance improvement !

Wednesday and we both went to visit Jane at the Lansdowne Clinic. The sleep improvement strategies aren’t really paying off yet, but she did say it could take months, so kp will stick at that. kp now wants to focus on her low self-esteem. So the next sessions will relate to that. Also, top of the list, was ME ! It had been suggested before that I needed counselling, but I couldn’t really get my head around it. To me, if I can’t help myself, how can someone else help me – that’s my thought process. But after Sunday’s upset, I was raring to go for anything that will improve things (for me). I have accepted that I need help too. Jane put it really well……paraphrased…..

Jane (looking at both of us) :- I expect before the accident, you (plural) used to be support for each other. When you were down Karen, David would support you and when he was down, you would support him. But, since the accident, it’s probably been David supporting you most of the time.
Karen :- Definitely

And that rang a real chord with me. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but if asked to name one pressure on me, I couldn’t. I suppose I feel dead inside, I am existing, but not really living. I have no idea how anyone can help me, but I know I have to give it a go, for Karen, but most of all for me.

So, that night, I emailed Syd (Case Manager) and by noon the following day, I had 10 sessions booked with a Psychologist from the same clinic. So, when kp goes to her sessions, I will go to mine, which works out great. I am actually looking forward to it, even though I can’t see how it will help (ie if I can’t help myself).

After the wednesday session with Jane (with no Doreen to take her home), I took her to Whickham Villa. It’s an absolutely marvellous place for people with brain injuries. It has a flotation tank, a hydro pool, a jacuzzi and offers lots of beauty/massage treatment. It’s a real gem that you wouldn’t know about unless someone told you about it.

The idea was that kp would do a flotation for an hour or so, while I went back to work (very close). It worked out really well. I helped kp get in the flotation tank and left her floating for about 90 minutes at gas mark 4. When I returned at around 5pm, she was nicely relaxed and took some waking up. We then both went into the hydro pool and jacuzzi. It was a really good afternoon. We tried to get kp swimming again and had a real good laugh ! She was very frightened of swimming, but eventually she had enough confidence so that she would try with me supporting her from her tummy. And she gave it a good go. But what was evident (when she tried to swim) was how much stronger the right arm is (than her left). Basically, she just went around in circles, which we found really funny.

Thursday, the car got serviced. Angela (fellow car crash victim) came to pick kp up and from all accounts, they had a fantastic afternoon. kp came back glowing. It was good to see she had had such a good afternoon. :-)

Friday and it was physio time. Steve came to the house and they did some more Wii stuff. There’s this one thing on the Wii where you stand on the Wii-Fit board and have to balance as your chap (on the screen) walks a tight-rope. Well, it records how far you get ! kp thrashed my record !!! Well done love.

Now, I don’t mind kp thrashing me, but what perturbed me more was that Steve had beat my ski-jump record ! Syd, please can we get another physio for Karen !

Yesterday (Saturday), we walked the dogs in the morning and just got back before the heavens opened. A lovely relaxing day, pretty much mirrored today.

So, bad week overall, but ended very positive.

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