Karen got very upset last night. A whole slew of things led to this.

1. She is fed up of her current physical limitations.

2. She had problems swallowing her meal last night and had to really think about every mouthful It was Shepherds Pie as well, so this shouldn’t have been too much of a problem.

3. The biggest cause of the upset (I believe) is Karen’s mental state. Yesterday, she went to see her work mates at a Blood Donoring session. She couldn’t remember some of their names (when she used to know them all). I tried to reassure her that I would have forgot their names if I had been off for 8 months, but Karen doesn’t suffer from the sh+te memory that I do, and this normally wouldn’t have been a problem for her and she knows it.

Hearing from the physio that it could take upto 2 years to get full recovery from her stroke really smacked her across the face. I personally don’t think she will get full recovery, but I just can’t tell her that at the moment. She firmly believes that she will be back to the pre-accident kp. It’s heartbreaking for me to hear her believe so strongly that she will make a full recovery. At the same time, it’s important she thinks that she can for her current mental state, and also to get the best recovery she can, I feel she needs to have something to aim for.

Another setback yesterday was a conversation with her boss. Her boss was discussing re-integrating Karen back into the new procedures at work etc, inviting her into work to see people who can help her etc etc. Her boss meant this in the nicest possible way I should add. He didn’t want Karen to feel like they didn’t care and that she was being kept out of the loop. But Karen really struggled with this.

She is obviously nowhere near returning to work (mentally and physically) and she couldn’t understand why the physio was saying it could take 2 years to recover and yet her boss was talking about re-integration. Everyone who reads this will understand that the two parties don’t talk to each other, but Karen couldn’t get her head round the fact that the physio and her boss had 2 different viewpoints and they didn’t match. Poor kp It’s subtle ways like this that the stroke has affected her reasoning.

Hopefully when she wakes up this morning, she will feel better mentally. Whatever, we agreed to contact the NeuroPsychologist, as Karen definately needs to hear from someone who understands what is happening to allay her worries.

We also have a visit today to the Stroke Consultant (back at the Q.E.). kp will no doubt raise it with him, along with the hernia she has. (This is nothing new and has had this since the first operation, when they didn’t sew up the stomach muscles). The hernia is really started to get on kp’s pip. She has the biggest of stomach scars anyway that I have ever seen on a person, but the hernia means that her stomach is a strange shape and she doesn’t like it. From my perspective, it does look strange, but it also feels strange. This morning, I was gently snoozing with my arm across kp’s stomach, when she did a big cough (her chesty cough came back overnight). Well, my hand shot up from her stomach (with the force of the cough). It took me by surprise and I didn’t feel like snoozing any more.

A bit of a subdued day overall.

When we got up, kp started to discussing the ironing/washing she needed doing. I already felt I had a full few days ahead with various appointments, jobs, paperwork etc… and this really made me feel low. kp could sense this and we had a chat about it. kp feels guilty that she makes me feel low, I feel guilty that she feels guilty etc etc etc…..We both blame it on the situation and not each other, but still it’s tricky.

Anyway, we got past this although both remained subdued for much of the day.

I was exhausted by 1pm and desperately needed a snooze before we went to the hospital. kp woke me up at 1.50pm and we went to see kp’s consultant. It was lovely to see him and we had a nice chat. He was pleased with her progress. kp brought up the hernia situation, and he checked the notes and gave her a quick examination and said it will need operating on. There is no rush, but it is in kp’s interest to have it done sooner rather than later so that she doesn’t feel as loose in the stomach area. It’s quite routine apparently and she will only be in a few days. We’ll have a think about this over the next few days about when/where she wants it done. He also reassured kp that forgetting people’s names was “ok” and provided her some tips that might help.

The appointment over, we went up to Ward 22 to see the staff. It was lovely to see the few faces that were around. They were very pleased to see Karen and all had a good laugh about “old times”

When we left, kp had remembered most of their names, but one of them completely eluded her. She thought the Ward Manager was called “Lorna”. Close Love !

That’s about it for today.