ok, neither of us are sure what she’s on about, but I’ll put our best guess about what she’s said….
Here’s the first one…..(click on the text to launch the audio)
I wanted the big rottweiler one, but I couldn’t find it…….You know the big tub of it….
And the second…..
And the best ’till last…..
Well, generally things are better in the Pollard household.
kp’s pain is in control
Her meds are down
And her sleep is better, but we’re not there yet.
Sleepwise, she is now on amytrypteline and it is definitely helping her sleep. She takes it about 3-4 hours before bedtime, and she is nodding off when she should be. One of the more alarming things (for me), is that it blurs the line between awake and asleep. So, whereas, most people are either awake, or asleep, Karen experiences an hour or so before bedtime when she is in a waking sleep. Delirious is too strong a word, but she talks sh+te, moreso than usual 
A good example is some of the audio recordings I put on the blog. But, she’ll do this while awake.
The worrying thing for me, is that if she gets up in the night, I am not confident that she will be safe. One morning this week, she described how she had gone for a fag and on the way back into the house, was bumping off the walls & pillars outside. I mentioned this to Dr Parry (psychiatrist) and he wasn’t at all surprised and commented that this was one of the side effects.
But, Karen would rather be getting the sleep she is getting and pay this small price. And she HAS been getting some good sleeps. At least 2 full night’s sleeps this week, and the other nights have been generally good, so a BIG plus here !
So, this week…..
Monday and Syd (Case Manager) came over. He had a chat with Laura and Karen about kp’s progress. He was very pleased.
Rachel came immediately Syd had left to do her OT stuff. We have an MDT (multi-disciplinary team) meeting in a week or so, that’s where all the specialists convene at the house with all the solicitors (both sides), so Rachel told Karen she would be doing another assessment with her next week so she can measure the improvement. I think she has to do a Fruit Salad and bake something and then Rachel gauges how well she does it, how safe etc.. etc….
Once Rachel had gone, Laura helped Karen go through all her exercises and her stretches, and that went very well.
Tuesday was Karen at her best !!! 
Here’s what Laura wrote about the day in her report, it perfectly sums up how well Karen did ………..
“Karen was in a very good mood today. When I arrived at 10am, she was already dressed and ready to get on with the day. We set off to do some shopping at Sainsburys. Karen took complete control and practically did all the shopping by herself. She was using her left arm a lot and mastered most things very well. We grabbed some lunch after the shopping. Something I noted from this trip was that Karen was a lot more interactive with staff and the general public. She had a full conversation with the checkout lady while packing the bags.
After lunch we went straight to physio and discussed what Karen had to do for her Himat assessment. When back at home, Karen decided that she wanted to make one of our recipes (homemade French Onion Soup). That took us upto teatime.”
Well done kp !!
The soup was to die for and poor kp got none of it ! Adele and I ate the lot, the next day.
A great sleep followed tuesday night.
Wednesday is kp’s day off from rehab, but she was still cooking on gas.
She wanted to do some Xmas shopping around Durham. She’s not a big fan of shopping, but it needed to be done and it was good therapy. Laura noted that she lost her bearings a few times, and couldn’t work out which direction she had to go.
Thursday and the weather was really bad. Even, the dog walker (who lives local) couldn’t get to the house. She was due to go to physio, but we cancelled that as the roads were too bad. Here’s a couple of photos I took while dog walking…..
The roads…..
The House…..
Laura also couldn’t get to the house, things were that bad.
Friday and with the roads much improved, Karen went for one final shop in Durham. On her return, it was exercises and a trip to the gym, but she was flagging and her legs tired, but she still managed 1 mile in 15.5 minutes. Well done love.
Saturday and Sunday have been quiet, but we’ve enjoyed it. We went to walk the dogs on Saturday, and drove the car to the usual spot which has a nice flat walk, but it was sheer ice, so we had to just return to the house.
Sunday, and it was still treacherous and too icy for Karen, so I took the dogs on my lonesome.
All in all, a cracking week, and one kp should be proud of. Let’s hope, next week is the same. Lots of assessments, physio and OT and a trip to the psychologist.
Keep it up love.
Well, a fantastic week with a bit of a sour taste of an ending, but nothing that kp can’t swallow and move on from.
Monday saw Karen have 2 assessments in readiness for the MDT meeting next week. The first one was with Rachel (OT). Karen had to cook some muffins and then make some fruit salad. She did very well, but had to call me in when she couldn’t work out how to open the tin of blueberries.
The other assessment was physio-based. Things like timed walks (forwards and backwards), hopping, skipping, bounding and running ! Karen did really well and I think we will see a big improvement (when the results come in) since her last assessment.
So, if that wasn’t enough, when kp and Laura got back from physio, she was still keen to do all her exercises.
Here is Laura bending Karen’s left arm back to try and get more movement…..
Well done kp and to top it all, she was mentally a 9 out of 10 !!!
Tuesday was another great day with Karen on top form. She was keen to accomplish things and she certainly did that. She did the full weekly shop at Sainsburys, and was left on her own for a while and she REALLY enjoyed the independance !!! She also went to other shops at the Arnison Centre and then made me a Steak Pie on her return, which we ate later in the week. Here is the pie…..
Interesting how she thinks the air slots are in the middle. Left inattention showing itself.
Wednesday, Laura took her to the hairdressers and then Jane came round in the afternoon and it was great so see Karen in stitches at Jane’s usual antics. Cooking on Gas !
Thursday was physio with Joanne – a nice massage to try and loosen her left shoulder which she enjoyed then lunch in a local cafe (Seaham) with Laura. In the afternoon, Karen had an appointment with Dr Parry which I took her to or tried to. But, unfortunately, the roads were quite icy and by the time we got to Tow Law (up on the hills), kp was scared stiff, so I aborted and we returned home. We rang him instead and he was really pleased at Karen’s progress, both with sleep and mentally. Last time, we had spoke to him, she was thinking crazy thoughts, so it was SUCH a big improvement.
Friday was another great day, but this is what turned things for the worse. Karen went to the gym with Laura and was on such a high (physically and mentally) that she wanted to beat all her records, which she did. She smashed them !!!
Unfortunately, over the weekend she has paid the price for it. She missed out on dog walks last week because of the ice and was gagging to come with me this weekend, but Saturday and Sunday, she could hardly walk and with the physical struggle of getting around the house, her mood definitely took a turn for the worse. This morning, she was very quiet, and I was a bit concerned.
But, as the day has progressed, it has picked up a little. I _DO_ hope it gets back to the same as last week.
So, generally (if we pretend this weekend didn’t happen), we are really enjoying life again !!! Karen is on fire ! Sleep is MUCH better. Whereas 7 out of 7 nights would be bad, we are probably talking only TWO nights are bad now, which is music to our ears. Pain is in control (excepting the overdoing it that has affected the weekend). Mood – Top Banana !
Couple of little funnies to end on !
Karen and I were watching a film that Laura had lent us. LESS THAN 2 minutes into the film, Karen was snoring. Whenever I wake her up, she always makes out she is awake, so I paused the film ………. Nothing, snoring continued…..
So, then I did my pretend laughing thing, where I pretend something funny has been on the film and it worked, she woke up……
dp:- That was funny, love, wasn’t it.
kp:- Yes, very good.
hehe
Then, another day, we were watching TV, and she had fallen asleep. But, I didn’t wake her this time, she woke herself up with her own talking……It won’t be funny, when I recall this, but we were laughing about it….
kp asleep and then…..
kp:- We’ll have to go down to Sainsburys…..(kp wakes up)….Eeeeee, was that me (talking) ?
Funny at the time….
Final funny…..
Here is a little Xmas-themed video featuring, Karen, Jane (Burns), Ronnie (VD), Loopy Lydia and Debs (ex work colleagues)
Good Tip – After clicking on “Karen and the girls” below, allow 30 seconds for it to load before you click on Play.
Well, good week overall, with a big dip in the middle.
Monday was a full day of shopping (for Karen and Laura). First, Costco for some pig’s ears, then for the weekly Sainsburys shop. Karen was “done in” by the end of it, but still in high enough spirits to do exercises on her return.
Tuesday is where things started to go awry. Karen had a double physio session booked at Seaham. It needed to be a double, ‘cos the usual thursday physio couldn’t take place ‘cos of the Multi-Disciplinary Team (MDT) meeting. The idea was that she would have an hour with Steve doing normal physio, before having an hour with Joanne (doing left shoulder loosening and left arm stuff).
I think Steve’s bit went fine, and Joanne set out about doing the usual left-arm stuff, but for some reason, Karen was ultra-hyper-sensitive on her left side. She later told me she was close to tears, but managed to hide this by joking with Joanne….
kp:- “You’re a fraction away from getting a punch”
Whatever it was, and it wasn’t Joanne’s fault, it was too much for Karen’s left side and she couldn’t stand any touching of her left side at all afterwards. This weird sensation lasted until Saturday, and although it’s still not 100%, it’s much improved. But……….at the time, it _REALLY_ brought Karen down; she described it as taking her back in time to nearer the accident.
This bad sensation made her mood tumble and I recall a particularly frosty wednesday morning. Laura had come and together they were going to wrap all the Xmas presents. But, noone could say the right thing, and the atmosphere around the house was awful. Of course, later, Karen felt dead guilty for all of this and texted Laura & Adele to apologise for the atmosphere.
So, Wednesday’s was wrapping presents.
Thursday was the MDT. This was the 6-monthly legal MDT, where our solicitor (and her assistant), the other side’s solicitor (Nicola), and all the professionals involved in Karen’s rehab came to discuss how she was doing.
It went great and it was really positive, and this is all down to Karen and her rehab team. Karen has given her programme 110% and her team have done the same and this was evidenced by the reports they had done, all of which, showed improvement across all areas. Well done everyone and of course kp !!!!!!!!!!!
Normally, Karen bakes some biscuits for the crew, but a bad night (a less common occurrence now) meant that I was on biscuit duty. Karen had bought cakes at Costco, so she had done her part !
So, really positive MDT, and I think this helped set kp in the right direction mood-wise. Certainly it was better than the previous day !
Friday was another good day. Laura (kp’s current support worker) is leaving us shortly. We always knew we didn’t have her for long, but the end came a bit sooner than we thought and had hoped. Luckily, when Karen and Patti interviewed for the last support workers, there were quite a few who would have been good candidates. So, Friday, saw Karen and Patti interview Natalie and it went really well, and she starts in early Jan 09. Karen is very pleased that she is taking the job as she thinks they will get on well and continue the good work Laura has done.
So, that brings us to the weekend. Karen has been gagging to walk the dogs at the weekend. But, bad weather and bad pain have put a stop to this for the last couple of weekends. Not this weekend however, kp managed to come on both dog walks. Her only criticism was that because we were talking so much on the walk, she hadn’t taken in the dogs and her enjoying it.
So, good week overall.
Pain – Generally little, but spiked mid-week with her left-side.
Sleep – Some good sleeps, with bad sleeps being the rarity at the moment
Meds – The same, but coming down shortly
Xmas – next week. We are going to the Middlesboro family on Xmas Eve, but fog is predicted and we are hoping that this won’t be the case when it comes to the day, as kp hates driving in fog. And Xmas Day, to my parents for lunch.
Looking forward to Xmas.
I’ll end with some funnies. These were all recorded while Karen was asleep…..
Well, this first clip isn’t funny, but interesting…..
This is Karen asleep, but in pain.
This next one is great to end on…..It always make me laugh when I hear it…..
Karen is up in the 8′s and 9′s mood-wise, which means life is good in the Pollard household.
Monday saw Karen and I travel to the RVI at Newcastle to see Professor Bates, a neurology specialist for the other side. He was canny and did various tests on Karen and asked her loads of questions, some of which she referred to me for the detail needed. He asked Karen what her symptoms were, and no sooner had he got one symptom than he moved on to other questions, bit weird, but hey ho.
On the way back, we decided to call at the Chippy and it’s just as well, because the last mile, it was clear there was a power-cut affecting our village and the adjacent one. Quite a romantic chippy meal under the candle-light. Power resumed a few hours later.
The following day was Laura’s last day as Karen’s support worker. Laura took Karen to her physio session at Seaham and dropped me off in Durham for the MTC Xmas Doo, which I was invited to. We went to a Japanese Restaurant and it was a lovely experience and the food delicious. Here’s a piccy…..
Lovely time had by all, and of course, I came home a bit worse for wear, but still able to do full sentences as long as the words didn’t have more than 3 syllables.
It was lovely to see the ‘ole MTC crew.
Wednesday (Xmas Eve), kp and I went over to Karen’s family for the annual present exchange and catch up with the family.
It was great to see them all.
Thursday (Xmas Day), we went to my parents for Xmas Lunch. We nearly didn’t make it. It was really foggy going over the hills and Karen was very anxious. We did have a conversation about turning back.
kp:- You said, if I ever was scared that we’d turn back.
dp:- I know, but I think it’s just a small patch and we’ll be through it in a few minutes.
It lasted about 10 minutes thankfully and then it was completely clear.
Phew ! All i could think about was the usual feast Mum puts on and the roast potatoes calling me………..It was worth the trip, the meal was heaven sent, and we both enjoyed a lovely afternoon, before returning with kp asleep most of the way.
Couple of photos courtesy of Susa, Thanks Susa !!
Jamie and Sophie after Present Opening.
Guy, dp, Sophie and kp
Boxing Day and no sooner had Karen woken up that she asked if I would take her shopping to the Metro Centre. I was really pleased, because it was evidence of how positive she is at the moment, but at the same time, I Detest shopping with a capital D.
dp:- Yes, no problems at all love.
She was keen to hit M&S for their Boxing Day Sale.
Unfortunately, and Karen was really annoyed about this, M&S’s sale didn’t start until the Saturday. So, it was pretty much the only shop SHUT at the Metro Centre. Very strange !
So, it was a bit of a wasted trip really and not pleasurable at all. She did manage to get some new pyjamas. She changes her pyjamas about twice a night, so she gets through loads !!! Night sweats because of some tablets she takes.
Yesterday (Saturday), we chilled around the home, watching a film and snoozing and today, we have been jobbing on, getting loads done.
So, all good this week. Let’s hope it stays like that.
We need to get some holidays booked, because kp needs something to aim for, and it would be nice to get a bit of Winter Sun somewhere, so we’ll do that over the next week, plus we have a trip to Southampton to get planned to see Tracey & co.
All the following bits in quotes are Karen’s own words.
Sleepwise – “Still really good”, “odd naff ones”
Pain – “Fine”
Mood – “Fine”
The big problem at the moment is “Sweats”. Some of the drugs (2 of them I think) make Karen sweat no matter if she is hot or cold. And she (understandably) hates them. Especially the cold sweats.
Every night, she has to get up at least twice (sometimes more (3x last night)), to change her pyjama top ‘cos they are wringing wet through.
But, it’s not affecting her mood which is great. It really feels like kp is back in the house.
So, uneventful week really. All the treatments are on hold for the Xmas break. I took Karen to get her nails done on Tuesday. Occasionally, she has this problem in her groin area, which affects her walking. She is back to a hobbling pace. And wednesday (after the night’s sleep), she woke up with this groin problem. It meant she had to use the walking stick around the house. That lasted until Saturday morning. Thankfully, it was better in time for the dog walks over the weekend. We both really enjoyed them. And to top off a cracking weekend, she took one of the dogs around to the local shop, all on her lonesome, and really enjoyed it. She had to post some letters, hence the trip.
So, quite a relaxing week. We have tried to plan some holidays for the first 6 months of the year to give kp something to look forward. So far, we have got…..
January – Maffeys in Southampton (booked)
February – “Go somewhere hot”, we haven’t worked out where yet
March – dp to go diving, kp to maybe go somewhere with the girls
April – Nowt planned
May – Spain (booked)
June – Nowt planned
So, not a bad start to the Year.
Veronica (good friend of ours from the Big Smoke) forwarded me on an email that she had received from someone called Timothy Mason. Timothy had 2 major strokes when he was 43, taking away his ability to walk and speak. He has written a book about how this changed his life, and it’s available from Amazon (“The Best That I Can Be” by Timothy John Mason). I bought it and read it, hoping to find out how Tim “came to terms with” a significantly different life to the one he had before. The idea being his secret may help Karen. Well, I have read the book and it’s a very good read, and it has helped me, and I think it will help Karen too, so although she has had snippets read to her, she is going to try and read it herself. Fingers crossed.
To end on a positive and a funny, Karen received an application form for a volunteer position at the Stroke Association. Syd encouraged Karen to apply for it on the basis that nothing’s lost, so she did that this week. I hardly helped fill it in at all, it’s mostly Karen’s work.
But, I had to intervene when she nearly ticked the wrong box on the “Equal Opportunities” employment questionnaire. Basically, this is an extra added sheet that you get with job applications nowadays so that they can prove they are an equal opportunity employer. It asks you things like “What is your Ethnic Origin ?”, “Sexual Orientation” etc etc…
Well, Karen was filling it in and she was reading the “What is your sexual orientation ?” bit, and the options were something like…..
A-Don’t want to disclose
B-Gay
C-HeteroSexual
D-Lesbian
But Karen had a problem lining up the words with the box, and I can now officially let everyone know that Karen is a Lesbian.
Here is an excerpt of Karen’s sleep last night. She was talking for 1 minute 30 seconds and not really making much sense.
kp still doing very well, but this week she has had flu-like symptoms, so it’s knocked her for 6 a bit.
This week, Natalise, the new support worker started. She came on Monday along with Patti (Natalie’s boss) to take Karen out for a drive. The idea is Karen needs to feel safe in the car with her. I went along to give directions and Karen was happy with Natalie’s driving, so that’s good.
Natalie was due to start on Wednesday. Tuesday, I was starting to think Karen was not 100%, but she kept saying she was fine.
dp:- I think you’re coming down with something.
kp:- I’m fine.
Tuesday, we went to physio at Seaham (a double-session). I took her as Natalie was on training. She did an hour with Steve doing various balance things and some treadmill work. It went very well. Then it was an hour with Joanne who did her massaging and stretching to try and loosen Karen’s left shoulder. It was educational for me too. Karen’s upper stroke-side limbs have a tendency to curl in. This happens with all of the limb, so her shoulder stiffens, her lower arm is carried at bra height (without her realising), her hand curves in, and her fingers curl in, so Joanne makes sure they keep “not stretched in”, although the physios call it some thing else, like “maintain extension” or something like that.
Steve explained it well. The brain doesn’t receive as many signals from the limb as it used to, so to compensate it sends more signals to the arm to try and get a response, but it doesn’t, so more signals get sent and in the long run, it has the effect of telling the muscles to contract. You learn somat every day.
Interestingly, Steve told Karen that he thought she was coming down with something, and at that, I couldn’t help but tell Karen that I told her that too, but she still wasn’t convinced.
After the physio, we went for a bag of chips and to sit at the seafront. It was freezing and blowing a gale, but that’s what makes the chips so much more enjoyable. Karen’s appetite (which is never very good), was not upto it, so she had some “fresh air” instead.
After physio, home for a bath.
Wednesday, Natalie started. We sat down with her and did our usual spiel (to new support workers). I went through Karen’s injuries and how they affect her, especially the brain injury. Then the girls chatted for ages to get to know each other more. Karen later told me that she thinks Natalie will be great, and I concurred.
I think they spent the afternoon following my mum’s recipe trying to make some mince pies, and in my opinion, she did a great job, but because they weren’t as light and perfectly formed as my mum’s, she didn’t think they were too clever, but they tasted lovely.
The following day, the girls spent the morning preparing veg for the evening meal, which they had to abort ‘cos Karen couldn’t face food any more. I finished it off and made some lovely Steak and Ale Casserole, but unfortunately, Karen couldn’t face it on the night time, so I pretty much ate the lot
On the afternoon, I took Karen to an appointment at the Sleep Clinic in Durham. Karen’s sleep is 10x better than it was (thanks to Amytrypteline), so the lady consultant suggested we stick with it, if it was working, because the other option is that she wear a mask to bed everynight, which pumps air into Karen whenever she breathes in. We were happy with that.
Friday was an awkward start to the day. Karen got up and just sat on the bed in the changing room and couldn’t think of anything. She didn’t know what to do, should she have a shower ? shouldn’t she ? I couldn’t do right for wrong, and it got a bit heated. In the end, she accepted that she had come down with some bug and that she should take it easy. The plans for the day were scrapped and Natalie who had arrived on time, was told her services wouldn’t be required. Karen slept a lot of the day, and she woke up better for the sleep, which was great.
She has hardly eaten anything this week, the odd mince pie, the odd biscuit, and probably 2 boxes of Bran Flakes, but no proper meals. She couldn’t face the Saturday night pizza. But, at least she has accepted that she has come down with something and that this is the normal kind of downer that we all get from time to time.
Saturday and Sunday have been a leisurely weekend. I walked the dogs, ‘cos kp wasn’t upto it, no energy at all.
This is a photo I took on the Saturday dog walk. It was the most beautiful red sky, but not sure this photo does it its full justice.
And that’s this week in a nutshell.
Next week is a busy week.
Happy Birthday Mum (She is 21 today)…..
Well, busy week and a weekend away means a late blog entry.
Monday started the week off at full speed, with a visit from someone from our solicitors who had come to take a statement from Karen and I, relating to Karen’s case. That took about 3 hours, 2 hours for kp and an hour for me, both of us had to be out of the room, while the other gave their statement.
Natalie arrived on time at 1pm, in time for Syd coming for his regular visit. The latest state of play was discussed with Syd and it probably makes a nice change for Syd to be greeted with an upbeat kp, who remains in top form
Tuesday was physio in the morning and OT in the afternoon.
Wednesday and Natalie took Karen to the Calvert Trust centre in Kielder. Quite a trek with the idea being that if Karen liked it, she could attend for a week (with Natalie) for one of their speciality weeks. They do things like Outdoors Week, Sailing Week, and kp was interested in Health & Beauty week. It sounded like a gorgeous place to go for a week, but after quite a bit of consideration, Karen didn’t think it was right for this time of her rehab, but she is bearing it in mind for the future.
Another promising thing for the future, is that she has been approached by the Stroke Association with a view to kp doing voluntary week helping them out in some form. She discussed this with Syd. Syd is great, he doesn’t give advice, but a bit like a psychologist, he helps Karen make her own decision, and the upshot of the Stroke Association thing is that she has filled in the application form, sent it off, and since had a discussion with them, saying that “now is not the right time, because rehab is so busy….” but she will be back in touch in the Summer.
Thursday, the girls went shopping somewhere for presents for the kids on our visit to Southampton.
Friday, we drove down to Southampton. We were both dreading the drive, but it wasn’t at all bad, taking about 5.5 hours. 6 hours with a stop for lunch. It was great to see the Maffeys again and catch up with Tracey, Mark, Megan (6), Thomas (1.5) and Marge (93).
Lots of chatting on the first day. Saturday saw Karen and Marge go into Southampton shopping with Tracey, whilst Mark and I went walking with the kids.
Sunday was pretty much the same again, but thoroughly enjoyable.
Yesterday (monday), we drove back up with Marge, dropping her off in Middlesbrough, and today (tuesday), has been physio and a trip to Costco.
So, busy week. Lots of fun.
kp remains top dollar ! Bad sleeps are few and far between thanks to Amytrypteline. Pain is rare and life is really good again. At this rate, I’ll have to start think about me getting back to work again
Keep it up kp !
Here are some photos of our trip to Southampton…..
Regular readers will remember Karen’s confession about being a Lesbian, well, it seems I am wrong, she’s a car…..
Here are Megan and Thomas watching TV…..
Here are Thomas and Megan. Thomas has very big feet !
And this one is of Megan up a tree on the walk we did with Dad.
Wednesday, Karen and Natalie went over to Seaham for a physio session with Steve. It was Steve’s opportunity for him to explain to Natalie all the exercises Karen needs to do to stop her upper left side from stiffening up. That went very well, and she came home with some equipment to aid this process.
Wednesday night, Karen had a bath, and her mood dropped like a lead weight to rock bottom. We couldn’t work out why 
We decided to sleep on it, but in the morning, she felt no better and we were both concerned that it could be the start of another bout of low mood or depression and after such a good run, neither of us wanted that.
Fortunately, thursday we had the 2 perfect appointments for the dip in mood – the psychologist (a.m.) and the psychiatrist (p.m.). We went to Gosforth to see the psychologist. She asked what had changed and the only things we could think of were the 2 appointments today (both brain oriented) and that they may take her back (in her head) to unhappier times, or that Veronica (our good friend) hadn’t been in touch and we were both concerned about her and if she was ok. The psychologist thought it unlikely to be either of those scenarios and thought it may just be an off day. “We all get them”. She thought that this was unlikely to be a long bout of low mood or a return of the depression, because it came on so suddenly.
What she said rang true with us, but at the same time, it didn’t help Karen. But, she suggested leaving it a few days and calling her this coming week if it hadn’t improved. We tentatively agreed.
Karen didn’t feel up to making the trip to Hexham to see the psychiatrist, so I rang him to arrange for a phone session, which he kindly obliged. Without prompting, he said the same as the psychologist, in that it was unlikely to be a long term thing, given the speed of the onset. So, feeling no better, we crossed our fingers and had an early night in the hope things would look rosier the next day.
I got Karen up in time to have a shower before Natalie got here, and she was in 2 minds whether to get back to bed, or get going with the day. She’d had a really bad night’s sleep the night before. Both would have made her feel better, but she couldn’t decide which direction to go. It really was 50:50. So, we let the iphone decide. I have a little application on my phone that makes a decision for you. And it said “Yes”, get going with the day, and it did the trick.
By the end of the day out with Natalie, Karen was feeling a lot better, and we hope it was just an off day. The girls had already arranged to go for some pampering at Whickham Villa. Unfortunately, the masseuse had called in sick, but the girls filled that slot with some shopping at Sainsburys. Karen enjoyed a nice float in the flotation tank. She was fast asleep when Natalie went back in when Karen’s hour was up. I find that very hard to believe
The girls then went into the Hydrotherapy pool for 30-45 minutes to do some limbering exercises and Karen came back feeling so much better. Great
Saturday (yesterday), Karen had already arranged to go and see her sisters over in Middlesbrough. They have a sister’s day once a year where they all get together, and Natalie came to take her over, and Karen really enjoyed it. There is talk of it being a monthly thing instead, which would be great for kp
Karen was gagging for today. A day when she can lie-in and just chill with her home’y (me). I was under instructions not to wake her up until she woke up naturally. Her sleep has not been too great this week generally, so she was eager to catch up. We can rule out sleep as being the low mood cause, because it had been fine up until then. So, when she did get up (about 11am), we made the most of the day and went dog walking straight off, for a lovely walk, after some horrendous weather overnight. So, good day so far.
We are trying to get a holiday booked for sometime in the near(ish) future. Egypt is the destination we are aiming for, but I detest trying to get the thing arranged, ‘cos it takes SOOOOO long. Far too much choice on t’internet.
So, good week overall, with a scary middle !
Busy week coming up. Pain in control with another reduction in the fentanyl patches coming this week. Sleep 8x better than previously, but a bit of a dip compared to recent weeks. Mood remains good, with a bit of a dip midweek. So, fingers crossed for a good week coming up !
Monday was OT with Rachel with Natalie in attendance. Karen can’t remember what she did Natalie did a half day, because of other commitments, so I took Karen to the gym in the afternoon. She wanted to beat her previous records, which she duly did.
The next day she was in pain
Tuesday, and Natalie took kp to physio at Seaham. 1 hour of left-shoulder exercising, and an hour of learning new equipment, with Natalie being trained in how to supervise kp on the equipment.
Wednesday (day off), and kp was gagging to get her hair and nails done, and today was the day. It was really short when she came back, but much more manageable. In the afternoon, the girls took the dogs for a short walk.
Thursday, we were due to ring Dr Parry if kp’s mood hadn’t lifted, but it is evident now, that the dip last week was just that. A very short dip. She has been back to “cooking on gas” since the weekend – Which is great !
Natalie and kp went shopping at Sainsburys and Karen hated it. I don’t think she had had much sleep that night, iirc, and she was knackered, and she forgot her fags, which didn’t help matters. Jane Burns came over on the night time, for a conference call/clinic with vdfromboro on the night time. It was a jam-packed night. I threw the towerl in at about 10pm, and the girls were up until 2.30am. Jane stopped the night.
Friday was a big day. Syd came and took us to the solicitors in Newcastle for a big meeting. It lasted all day, and was quite upsetting for Karen who had to leave the meeting for a couple of hours. I can’t go into any more detail at the moment, but suffice to say, it was an important one, but the case continues…. and will be continuing for quite some time.
Saturday was jam-packed. Ethan was coming for the night. We always find it exhausting. He talks incessantly, but we love him to bits ! Here he is at his dad’s, with the new dog that Chris (dad) and Laura have…..
Lots of fun…..
We took him to see Michelle and Freddy, and I played footy with him while they caught up. Once home, one-by-one, we all had baths and got into PJs and had a pizza tea with an Indiana Jones film. Woz a good night
In the morning, Karen had been up all night, so Ethan and I took the dogs for a walk. Here he is showing how strong he is
He’s a pleasure to have and is very caring towards Karen, helping her do absolutely everything ! Well done Ethan !
So, it’s quiet in the house again – YAY !
Karen is emailing Syd (she does a weekly email), and I am doing the blog, and then we will be having a relaxing afternoon.
Oh, forgot to mention, that we have booked a holiday at the end of the month. Egypt. 11 days in Na’ama Bay. I am going to do some diving, and HOLD THE PRESS, so will Karen (if all goes well). We have booked an appointment with a doctor specialist in diving who works at the Hyperbaric Chamber. He will assess her and see if she can go diving. The idea being that 1 or 2 instructors would be dedicated to Karen to ensure she is ok and she will do a bit of Open Sea diving. We are not getting our hopes too high, but it would make the holiday for both of us, if she can go ! It’s something she really wants to do, and I am “praying” that it comes off ‘cos it would be awesome !
Watch this space !
Karen remains in top form, really enjoying life, and for what feels like a solid few months now. She is doing so well. I am really proud of her, and chuffed to bits that she is in such a good place.
Monday and the OT was due to come but the bad weather meant the OT felt it better to reschedule until later in the week. Natalie (Support Worker) still made it though, well done Nat. They made a loaf of bread today. The following day, Adele and I ate half of it. It was great and then we all had sandwiches out of it the next day.
Karen’s challenge (Set by the OT last week), was to set herself one thing that she must do this week and to ensure she completes that task. Well, Karen, in true form, set herself about 7 things that she must do, and did all the ones the weather would allow. Well done kp.
Tuesday and Nat was going to the Headway meeting in Gateshead on the evening, and unbeknownst to me, she invited Karen to come along. Headway is a support group for people who have had brain injuries. I was in the study, when Karen came in at about 5pm and said she was going out and wouldn’t be back until about 8.30pm. Well, I was gobsmacked. My mouth visibly dropped in amazement. Unfortunately, my amazement, gave Karen second thoughts and after ruminating over it for a while she decided not to go. I was kicking myself. I should have kept my feelings to myself. In a way, the adult-adult relationship we had pre-accident has been replaced with a parent-child relationship with me being very protective over her, and I don’t think I was too keen her going out on her own, and it came across. I need to learn to let go a bit.
Things are going so well at the moment, I slipped into an email to my friend Nigel, that I am starting to think I can go back to work now, things are THAT good. For that to happen, I need to be sure Karen can keep this mood up consistently, as I don’t want to be a burden to a future employer by taking ad hoc time off to pick kp up, or if I work for myself, to my customers. It’s a tricky one, but I am sure I’ll know when the time’s right. In the email to Nigel I’d asked how his mam is, ‘cos she isn’t well at the moment, and I was reading out the reply to Karen who is always asking after her. But Nige happened to say something like ….
Nige :- “Great that you’re starting to look towards work again…”
I think Karen was quite surprised when she realised that I could be returning to work, so we have both shocked each other this week.
Karen’s week has been a real busy one, with her doing all her home exercises and physio, so when Wednesday came (her day off), she was gagging for it. The plan for Wednesday was to do a bit of shopping, and then she was going to see Angela (fellow car crashee) at her house (Nat dropping her off and returning her). She enjoyed the visit to Angelas. On her return it was patch change after a hot bath, and she has gone down another 25ug, so she’s now on 400′s worth of patches and we change them on a 3-day cycle (Day 1, 200, Day 2, 200, Day 3, no patch changes).
Thursday morning was Physio (double session), and the afternoon was OT. Friday saw the girls do more shopping. In the afternoon Syd came when the girls were out. We weren’t expecting him until Monday at 3pm. Karen frequently will put things in her diary on the wrong date. It will be the right day of the week perhaps but the wrong week or month, so I assumed she had cocked up. It turns out, that Karen was spot on, and Syd had come to the wrong house, and was due in a different town ! Nice one Karen, sorry for doubting you !
So, a very busy week. Karen was more than ready for the weekend and we have had a cracker. Saturday, we were up at a half-decent time walking the dogs in the freezing cold. It took some convincing to get this photo approved, but I got there in the end…..
kp had a leisurely afternoon doing what she’d looked forward to all week, a leisurely tv afternoon catching up.
Today has been much the same.
So, things remain great.
Pain – In control, only hurts if she physically exerts herself too much, but she seems to get the balance right
Sleep – Remains generally good. Mostly good night’s sleeps, but the occasional “up for 2 hours in the night”
Mood – Top Dollar !
All good in da hood !
Monday saw a change in mood, with kp as flat as a pancake when she woke up. When Nat arrived, there were a few tears. I found it heartbreaking after such a good long run of an upbeat kp. I was very fed up and went to bed for the afternoon.
We think it stemmed from the fact she was overdoing the rehab. Everything was too much for her. If she’s not doing “Hand Gym”, she’s doing shoulder loosening exercises etc etc…..We discussed it as a threesome, and it was agreed to lighten up the week somewhat for this and the next week. This helped a bit, and Syd’s visit (Case Manager) in the afternoon, cemented the lift in her mood and by the night time, things were much better.
Tuesday was double physio, a lunch out, and the rest of the afternoon was spent planning the rest of the week.
Wednesday’s are a day off and she went to see “Slumdog Millionaire” with Nat. She really enjoyed it, and it’s the first film she HASN’T fallen asleep since the accident ! I went over to Bolton Abbey to meet up with mum, dad and Joanna (grandpa’s lady friend) who was a big part of my life when I was a little’un. Unfortunately, forgot to take a photo, but it was a gorgeous meal, and great to see Joanna. The plates were that clean when we had finished our meals that they wouldn’t have had to wash them, just reuse ! The restaurant was the “Devonshire Arms” in Bolton Abbey if anyone fancies a great meal !
Wednesday night, Karen had a GREAT sleep. Deep and Long, but when she woke up, she was really flat again ! Thankfully, she had a psychologist session planned, but the weather was so bad, we had to turn back at Stanley and never made it. So, another flat day
That night, she had an awful night’s sleep. She maybe only banked about 45 minutes sleep, so virtually NO SLEEP, yet she woke up as perky as a perky thing that is very perky indeed. Weird !!! So, good sleep = flat, bad sleep = perky ?! Where’s the logic in that ?
She went to the Gym with Nat and did 1.5 miles on the treadmill, but paid the price big time the next day. I don’t think she’ll be doing that again in a hurry.
The rest of the day was spent planning a more laid back week for next week. And quite right too. This is a marathon and not a sprint.
The weekend has been an eye opener.
We had a great Saturday. Lovely walk with the dogs, if not a bit too cold and icy for our liking. Karen got a call from another patient of Dr Yellowlees who wanted to discuss Fentanyl patches. I think Karen enjoyed discussing how she finds them etc etc….and helping the lady who phoned. Pizza night with a film about the Jacksons, which got kp quite upset, although she didn’t tell me at the time.
And Sunday has been a flat day. A crappy walk with the dogs, because of all the ice and mud that is left from the recent bad weather, and a few revelations that aren’t sitting well with me.
So……
I learned today, that kp’s mood hasn’t been as high as she has made out over the last few weeks. Now, it’s been a good few months, and I think that generally, that is accurate, but the last few weeks, although I have spotted the odd flat day, there have been a few more days where she has tried to protect me, by not really sharing her true feelings. It turns out she has not been as good as she made out. She knows how much I am enjoying life at the moment, because I thought she was enjoying life and I think she has been trying to protect me and keep my spirits high. Well, now I know that that is not the case, it’s left me feeling a bit disillusioned. We have had a long chat about it, and she understands that faking happiness does me no favours in the long run. Anyhoo, we are going to discuss it with the psychologist on Tuesday. So, things could be better at the moment, but it’s not all doom and gloom, things are generally better, but I think I am still a bit shocked that they aren’t as good as I thought they were.
Some more things we are now going to discuss with the psychologist include….
Her sleep – It’s getting worse as time progresses. It’s still 10x better than it was 6 months ago, but she is getting an increasing number of nights where she is up for 3 hours in the middle. And the occasional “up all night” is being thrown in too. So, we need to discuss this….and why if she has a good sleep, she feels flat, and vice-versa.
Plus….
Mood – It appears things aren’t as good as I thought they were
Plus….
Appetite – her appetite has been awful for about 4-6 months. She rarely eats a proper meal. She had pizza last night, but most nights she just eats Bran Flakes. This can’t be good, so we’re going to ask Jane’s thoughs on this (psychologist). She can’t “face it”, is the way she describes it. It may be as simple as one of the tablets causing the loss of appetite, but it needs, at the very least, some discussion.
So, that’s our week. Bit of a crappier week, but things aren’t dire, far from it, they’re just not as good as we (or I) thought.
Well, bad start to the week, but good week overall, with a bit of a physical downer at the end.
Monday and we were both a bit glum in the morning – a bad start to the day. Karen was due to go to South Shields for a drive out and some lunch, but in the end kp didn’t fancy it and went to the gym instead (with Nat). Turned into a good day by the end. She’s keeping a food diary to illustrate her poor appetite. I won’t put it in every week, but will for this week as an example of what she’s eating
(10am Bran Flakes, 1.30pm Tea/3 biscuits, Banana, 6pm Small portion of Pasta with Tomato Sauce)
Monday night was a great night’s sleep, SO GOOD, that Karen had a bad back the following day.
Tuesday and the order of the day was a trip to the Psychologist (with me). It was quite a teary session. Discussed was Karen’s low self-esteem, and how she tends to feel that she’s unattractive. Jane does a good job of trying to pick kp up out of the negative thinking so associated with depression. By the end of the session, she had tried to get Karen to accept that her thoughts and feelings tended to be both wrongly negative because of the clinical depression. She may feel that she’s unattractive, but if she asked people around her, they’d tell her she IS NO less attractive than before the accident. So, her thoughts and feelings weren’t in sync, typical of depression.
So, psychologist’s orders….She has to say to herself…..
kp:- I may feel less attractive (part of the depression, negative feelings), but everyone is telling me I am no less attractive, so I must think I am no less attractive than before the accident. My feelings and thoughts are out of sync because of the depression. It is my feelings that are wrong. My thoughts are right
I had a devil of a time trying to explain this to Karen after the session, ‘cos it hadn’t properly sunk in. But hopefully, now I have regurgitated it in the blog, when she reads it, it will make sense to her.
So, good session despite the tears and upset. Snooze was the order of the day when we returned. They are always very tiring – lots of thinking.
I did a full Roast Chicken with all the trimmings, but kp felt nauseous and had no appetite. The dogs were happy though.
(11.30am Bran Flakes, 6pm Tea/3 biscuits, offered Roast Chick (all trimmings), felt nauseous, no appetite)
Wednesday (day off) and Karen had arranged to get her hair and nails done in time for the holiday next week. She was having a colour put in, and this hard stuff took off her nails. It’s all very complicated to a man, but it’s something she wanted done, and of course, they looked great.
In the afternoon, the highlight of my week, she made a loaf of Parmesan and Sun-dried Tomatoes bread (with Nat). It was absolutely gorgeous. Best load of bread I have ever had. We all loved it. Karen and Nat had a bit (to try it), and Adele and I pretty much scoffed the whole loaf the following day. Mmmmmmmmmm !
(10am Bran Flakes, 1 apple, 1 banana, Chip Butty and 3 pieces of Fillet Steak for tea)
Thursday and it was double physio and this is where the “Physical Downer” comes in. Karen had asked Steve to get some aims set up, and one of the ones she wanted to achieve was to improve her walking, so she doesn’t appear to walk with a hemiparetic gait. To do this, Steve had her on the floor, lifting her legs in the air, and her bum in the air. Little did any of us know, that this is not a move that suits kp. She was in LOTS of pain later that day, and was taking morphine and codeine for the pain to get her through the night. Of course, with those tablets, comes the increased anxiety over constipation, so she has to up the anti-constipation tablets to counter them (codeine being a worse offender than morphine). Thankfully, this didn’t become a problem, but the pain persisted until today (Sunday) She won’t be trying to correct her hemiparetic gait again !
After physio and a lunch out with Nat, they went shopping for some small containers of cosmetics. We are going to Egypt for (just short of) 2 weeks next week and need to keep the weight down so I can take all my diving stuff. So, kp come up with the idea of mini-deodorants, mini hand-creams etc etc….Success on the shopping trip.
Pain Meds were reduced today also. Gabapentin down from 200mg (3x a day), to 100mg (3x a day). Nice one.
Thursday night was a bit weird. She drank some orange juice and within 2 minutes, was projectile vomiting in the bathroom. Karen is not phased at being sick at all. I would need to be held down and have psychological counselling for a week after throwing up, but she takes it in a stride. Unfortunately, one of the downsides of Karen vomiting and not being able to kneel in front of the loo, is that her aim wasn’t assured. Needless to say, there was a “BIT” of cleaning upto do, but I’d much rather clean it up, than “BE” vomiting !
(7.15am Bran Flakes, 2 bits of Caramel Bar, Cheesecake)
Friday and kp was still in lots of pain after the physio. Her mood dipped with the pain. Nat and kp had planned to go to the Metro Centre to get some last minute holiday shopping, but there’s no way she could have made it round there. The wheelchair was suggested by Natalie, but kp hates it, and only puts up with it at the airport because she has to. So, Natalie was sent home and we did the bath routine to ease the pain. She sat the rest of the day out, watching tv etc….It was the right thing to do.
(Bran Flakes and Roast Ham/Chips for tea)
Saturday and the pain was still there, enough that I walked the dogs alone and it was a chilled out Saturday night with Pizza, but it did the trick with Sunday Karen feeling much better (pain-wise)
(Bran Flakes and Pizza on the night (8inch Chicken Kiev))
Sunday – good day today. We walked the dogs in the morning. And it was the first sign of Spring. Lovely sunshine, but cold with it in the breezy Westerly winds. And a snooze followed with Dancing on Ice tonight.
So, good week overall, with some sad moments. We are both looking forward to some sun in Egypt and we are both crossing our fingers (so much) that Karen may be able to come on a short dive. Blogging from Egypt may be tricky, but with a bit of luck, I may be able to do daily or (at least) weekly updates. It passes the time, when kp is fagging it.
Stayed at mum and dad’s the night before the flight. Lovely steak pie with the kids and jane and guy.
Flight was ok. Little bumpy with my left hand feeling the full force of Karens fear grip.
Both tired and after a quick meal out we retired early. Hyperbaric doctor tomorrow.
Not the best day but we haven’t let it get us down.
We had breakfast and then waited to go to see the Hyperbaric Doctor. Picture of Karen waiting attached.
The doctor was lovely. He heard a mini synopsis of Karens story and heard what drugs she is on. The bad news is that she can’t dive at the moment but not ‘cos of her disabilities, but because of the meds she is on.
Once she is off gabapentin, venlafaxine and codeine she us good to go as long as she attends a special disabled-skilled diving school, ironically the hotel we are at at the moment.
We were both a bit upset and fighting tears at the moment but we’re past it now and it’s given Karen something to aim for.
Quiet day apart from that….. Getting our bearings, eating etc…..
Tomorrow is a diving course for me and Karen is coming too on the boat. She is looking forward to it.
We both feel that the holiday starts tomorrow ……
No blog done last night ‘cos it was a very long day that was absolutely jam-packed!
The day started with me having to do some homework for my nitrox course. Once done, we headed to reception to prepare for the day’s diving and for Karen, a planned snorkel with an instructor.
It was a good half mile’s walk to the boat and the group we were with left us behind. Thankfully the instructor spotted our pace and held back.
Karen was nervous about being on a boat but she was fine with the swaying action and was not at all sick.
What she wasn’t ok with was the cold. Now, it wasn’t cold and we both got a nice suntan but the winds were howling which made it feel cool. Karen really felt it. She had to wrap a towel round her at times to stop the wind winning.
We stopped at a dive site called “The Gardens”. Beautiful spot. About 2 miles up wind was a sand dune and when the wind was calm, it looked great. But it gave us a cracking bit of notice that stormy winds were on the way because it would turn from a beautiful sand dune perching out of the crystal blue sea into a sandstorm heading our way – and then you couldn’t see the dune at all, just a wall of sand that hit us moments later. As soon as it started, it would subside. Apparently February is known for this weather. They say it is the cold (24′C) of Winter blowing itself out.
The boat was very busy. And the downside of this is that Karen felt too self-conscious to go snorkelling with her instructor
I had 2 great dives but found it hard to concentrate on the diving always thinking about how Karen would struggle up and down the step ladder between decks. She was ok and should pat herself on the back for doing so well on the boat!
I took my underwater camera on the second dive so hopefully will have some good photos to share on our return.
One funny moment which Karen was in stitches about on my return from the first dive. She had gone to the loo and couldn’t work out how to get out! (interesting how a year ago, she wouldn’t have been laughing about it, but crying). So , she’s stuck in the loo and can’t get out. She tried shouting but noone could hear her. The loo had a porthole at about 6ft up. All she could do was stick her hand out of the porthole and wave. Her wave for help worked and someone opened it from the other side. I was pleased she saw the funny side.
With the dives over, we returned to the hotel and I went to do an exam and watch a nitrox video. Once done, I had to do some homework for the Deep Dive course the following day. Quick Shower and we then went to a presentation by the sharkproject.org. We both found it fascinating. Sharks are NOT as aggressive as we are led to believe. More people die per year from bee stings than shark attack !!!
I was dead on my feet after this and we finished the night off at Pizza Hut!
Today I am doing 2 dives and Karen is staying on her own. Yikes!
We have done a few dummy runs for her so she should be able to find the beach. Here’s hoping! I will worry for sure, but she is so adamant that she us happy to have some time to herself.
Ok, got to go….
Picture attached of Karen on the boat
Well kp didn’t fancy the boat today so she has sunned it by the pool, read her book, and got an ice cream.
She tried to get to the beach but got a bit lost and came back. But, she didn’t let it get her down!
I started my 2 day Deep Dive course today and really enjoyed it. Bit burnt from the sun, and at the same time was cold all day (apart from when I was in the sea)-the reason is the wind. It’s strong and really cool.
We’re off out for a meal shortly.
Not much else to report!
Well, we had a lovely meal at the Pomodoro restaurant last night. Our best yet.
Today kp has been chilling by the pool catching up with her reading.
I did the final day of my deep dive course going to 40m
Saw a few spotted stingray, lionfish, clams, and a lovely and large spotted pufferfish. Best day of diving this holiday.
Tomorrow, we are planning to go to the beach and hopefully get kp snorkelling!
Watch this space!
Quiet day.
Before I forget, we reduced the Fentanyl patches by another 25 on Sunday 1st March, so well done kp.
After a poor sleep, we had a lie-in. And then headed to the beach where the plan was for kp to go snorkelling with me.
Unfortunately, it was completely overcast and felt cool (22′C) so once she had felt the water it wasn’t as inviting as it would be if u wanted a cool swim after a hot sunbathe. The water temperature is 24′C.
So we headed back to the hotel picking up supplies (milk, water) en route.
Karen’s mood was on the wane. “Slippery slope” she called it.
I think she needs a more-actioned packed holiday. So we made a note to pick up an excursion leaflet so she had something to aim for.
Lazy day after that. I have changed one of my 2 remaining days into a digital photography course so was reading the training material for that.
By the nighttime Karens mood improved a little when we discussed how we could engineer some snorkelling for her off the boat. She was only going to do 1 more boat day, but now she is coming on both the remaining diving days. We are going to try to get her a dedicated snorkelling instructor, and arrange it so that when everyone else is in the water and the boat is quiet, she then goes in. Fingers crossed we can pull of off.
Last night, Karen expressed a wish to go to the casino so off we went after a lovely drink at the hotel’s rooftop bar. She likes the slots and was very soon about $5 up. I was keen for her to quit at that point but she’d only been doing it 5 mins. So, a bit of an atmosphere developed (my fault). She made the (very valid) point that I had had my fun diving and she wanted to have some fun on the slots. My huff continued.
About 10 mins later, we left a $1 up and with me with $10 worth of guilt. Anyhoo, she accepted my apologies and that I would be less anal if we returned.
A lovely meal after the casino and Karen’s first full meal of the holiday.
So today (day 7), we are planning to try the beach snorkel again, having ruled out all the excursions.
Not the best day today!
It started with Karen waking up and being virtually unable to walk because of pain in her left buttock and groin.
She took some morphine (10mg) and 2 codeine. Her walking was very laboured and quite saddening to watch.
We went for some breakfast but things didn’t improve. Karen was very keen for it not to spoil the day. She was keen to use the day practising her snorkelling. Before the accident, Karen was very comfortable in the water but now she is completely the opposite.
So, taking advantage of the glorious weather, we oiled up and headed to the beach. I went in first and without a wet suit it felt cool at first and I instantly thought kp wouldn’t even make it upto her knees. I had a refreshing snorkel and saw some cornetfish and some parrotfish and thought she’d love it.
So, I went back to pick the limping Karen up and led her to the beach. It all started great and she made it upto chest height in the water-all was good.
So we kitted her up with the snorkel and mask, took a photo and it was time to get her prone. Now, the Red Sea is very salty and when prone face down with a snorkel, you remain totally on the surface, totally buoyant.
And we got her prone no problem and she stayed there for about 10 seconds, but then she vice-gripped my arm, a sure sign she wanted to get upright, which I helped her achieve.
She was very unnerved that she couldn’t right herself but wanted to continue. So she got prone again and I led her by swimming and pulling her to where the cornetfush were hanging out.
But after about 20 seconds, she panicked again but this time we were too deep for me to stand up. So, I had to pull her onto her back and drag her back by pulling her head and swimming at the same time until I could stand up.
Once we were both able to stand up, Karen felt calm again, but didn’t want to try again understandably. We think her new pain made things worse and her inability to get from prone to vertical herself made her very nervous/anxious.
So, no tears yet. We had a bit more time on the beach before heading back for a cup of tea. Once back, the tears started…… She was very disillusioned with how the attempt went, thinking that if she can’t do it from the beach, what chance does she have off a boat. I tried to explain that it would be very different with a lifejacket on and with fins. So , we’re going to leave it for day or so and reassess how her pain is and how she feels about it.
We spent most of the afternoon enjoying the sun by the pool. Karen’s pain is still there, so we’re going to get a KFC in the room in the hope that resting will improve her body.
Upto now she has taken 4x codeine and 5x10mg morphine and the pain is still there. Fingers crossed she’s feeling better tomorrow.
KFC time …..
Better day today for both of us
Karen’s pain is much improved after a great night’s sleep. Karen was so drugged up, she was bound to sleep well and indeed she did!
KFC last night – very tasty!
Today was my underwater digital photography course and it was a great opportunity to get some good shots of marine life.
Karen had planned to have a relaxing day to recoup after yesterdays pain and she made the most of the lovely weather sitting by the pool.
Tonight probably casino and a meal out somewhere.
Good day.
Glorious weather called for a day by the pool. Lack of reading material called for some bartering with the locals. Starting for £10 for a single paper, we got him down to £4 for two but you’d think WE’D robbed him whereas we still felt robbed.
But we were set for the day.
We spent most of the day by the pool watching some learner divers doing their Open Water course – quite entertaining especially the lady who struggled to do a length underwater. Her bum kept coming to the top and I don’t think she grasped how frustrated the instructor was getting with her.
Casino losses and a nice meal ended the day
Good day.
Glorious weather called for a day by the pool. Lack of reading material called for some bartering with the locals. Starting for £10 for a single paper, we got him down to £4 for two but you’d think WE’D robbed him whereas we still felt robbed.
But we were set for the day.
We spent most of the day by the pool watching some learner divers doing their Open Water course – quite entertaining especially the lady who struggled to do a length underwater. Her bum kept coming to the top and I don’t think she grasped how frustrated the instructor was getting with her.
Casino losses and a nice meal ended the day
Good day today, probably more fun for dp than kp. I went diving at 3 dive sites at Ras Mohammed
Awesome dives, topped off by a school of about 20 dolphins swimming around the boat on our return. Soooooo wished Karen had come as she would have loved it !!!
Karen has been sunning it by the pool. She bartered for a newspaper so nice one kp. She got the chap down to a £1 but didn’t like the look of him and ended up paying yesterday’s price.
Everyone apart from me swam with turtles today on the dive trip.
I was put in the less experienced group and the advanced group swam with turtles at our first dive site. Then, my air consumption was such that I was put in the advanced group and you guessed it, the other group swam with turtles!
But still a great day!
Kp has a blinding headache so hopefully when I wake her in 30 mins she’ll be up for a meal out
Attached…. Photo of Jarrn from yesterday and a photo taken from the boat on the way to Ras Mohammed
Very good day today. Nice relaxing day by the pool with kp reading newspapers and a book donated by a nice Finnish couple.
Wet suit nearly ready to pack. Another few hours in the sun tomorrow should see it bone dry.
Kp snoozing so will wake her up shortly to go for the meal out.
Ganning home tomorrow
Well, the last day of the holiday was spent sunning it and chilling. Good flight back – the 6 hours seemed to fly past.
Dad picked us up at Manchester airport and we drove back up today picking dogs up on the way. Great holiday but always good to be home.
Big thanks to mum/dad for the taxi/hotel/car valet service. It really is appreciated!!!
Back to rehab for Karen and some soul-searching for dp. Which direction to go in etc etc? So many choices!
Bring it on !
Well…..
Not a good week with lots of tears.
Tuesday, Karen was straight back into rehab. 1pm – Physio at the local sports hall where Steve (physio) was explaining to Karen and Natalie which equipment kp should use, and how to use it.
Back home after that for Joanne (physio) who worked on loosening Karen’s left shoulder.
Wednesday, Karen and Natalie went somewhere in the car, but neither of us can remember where they went ?! When they got back, they took the dogs on a short walk, which they thoroughly enjoyed !
Thursday is when the tears started. Rachel (OT) attended and somewhere in the conversation, it was mentioned that it is unlikely Karen’s hand will get back to 100%. Karen got quite upset. I don’t think it was 100% down to what Rachel said. I think Karen is in a place right now, where tears are just bubbling under the surface and it only takes the wrong word here or there to make them come out. Another short dog walk in the afternoon.
Friday saw a similar small thing upsetting the apple cart. Natalie and Karen went out looking at different swimming pools and on their return, after a short dog walk, Michelle (Karen’s sister) phoned. Karen told Michelle that she was planning to go and see “Marley and Me” (a new film that’s out) with Nat. Michelle told Karen she had seen it and that it was quite sad, and that’s ALL she said ! Well, that was enough to get Karen upset. So, she’s definitely on a low ebb at the moment.
It’s so sad, because her mood (or mindset) is the only thing that’s wrong at the moment. Her body has never been better, the summer’s coming and gone are the long cold nights, and Karen has lots of things going on which she is enjoying. We are going to be getting a new greenhouse and she’s looking forward to that….So, it’s really sad that her mind is at such a low ebb. We are seeing the psychologist this week, so hopefully she can help.
To make matters worse, I have had man flu this week (common cold), and Karen HATES me sniffing, so I don’t think that has helped matters.
On friday night, I contacted our friends, the Kingdons (Dave and Helen) to arrange a get together. kp was up for it and that’s an achievement in itself, as she is very anti-get-togethers at the moment. But she said “Yes”. I sent the text to see what Dave and Helen were upto, and during the time it took them to reply, Michelle phoned and the “Marley and Me” incident occurred and Karen no longer wanted to go
Friday night, she had an awful sleep and so when I got up (7am), she was still up, so we walked the dogs early. I went to see Dave and Helen, and she didn’t go to sleep whilst I was gone. She was knackered at 10pm, so we went to bed, but she only had an hour and was then up all night. So, another early dog walk this morning, which was nice actually, ‘cos it’s a gorgeous day !
So, she’s not in a good place. Very low ebb, reasons unknown, even to her
Busy week coming up, so she’ll not have chance to dwell on anything.
Here are some more photos from our Egypt holiday……
To see full-size versions of these photos, you need to click on the one you want to see, and then wait a bit, and then click on it again.
Well, it feels like a bad week, but it hasn’t been as bad as it feels, but herein lies an interesting thing about “bad days” – more later.
Monday, and Syd came for his monthly visit. Lots of good things to report to Syd. Karen told him about the holiday and how she was now focussed on getting her swimming back upto speed so she can eventually do diving
She could also pass on the good news that she is now OFF one of the drugs she has been on since the accident and it happens to be one of the 3 drugs that will not allow her to dive – Gabapentin !!! Well done love !!!! A really big achievement, and one I don’t think she has given herself enough credit for. It’s a pain drug that dulls nerve pain. So, it’s another huge step in the right direction.
She enjoyed Syd’s visit, which was good.
Tuesday, I was on a diving course (Equipment Specialist) at Aquanorth, Newcastle. Very good it was too.
Natalie was off all day, and Jane Burns was due to come in the afternoon and stay the night, but kp was full of cold and sniffing like a good’un. So, kp called her to postpone the get-together. She wasn’t in the mood for company and was very irritable, to say the least. Everything was my fault
Wednesday, and Natalie and I were attending a Brain Injury Conference in Newcastle. It was meant for Health Professionals to allow them to better understand brain injury and was very interesting. There were probably about 100-150 people there and the sessions were generally excellent. I think I was the only carer, but it was still interesting and pertinent.
Jane was supposed to be there from the previous day, but because kp called her off, she was on her lonesome, but she made the most of the day and looked into things she may want to get into, in the short and long term. Pilates, Table Tennis, Swimming, Volunteering. She did lots of web browsing and identified relevant materials and/or classes.
Thursday was all change and kp’s mood plummeted It wasn’t that high to begin with and had probably been quite low since (maybe) the week before the holiday.
She got up, and no sooner had she showered than she was in tears and stayed that way pretty much ALL day. She just couldn’t be doing with ANYTHING. Thankfully, she was due a visit to the psychologist anyway, which was a real piece of good luck.
I persuaded her to keep the appointment, but she just couldn’t stop crying. When I asked her what she was crying about, she couldn’t identify one thing ! I couldn’t think straight and just felt awful myself.
Anyway, we went to the psychologist. And when we explained that Karen didn’t know what was making her cry, she instantly said “Clinical Depression” and that psychological intervention (her) wouldn’t necessarily help and that her anti-depressant meds may need upping or changing. This instantly sounded like the correct diagnosis to me. kp couldn’t identify anything causing the upset, so a chemical imbalance in the head (clinical depression) sounded spot on. I was annoyed I hadn’t thought of it myself, but thankfully it sounded good.
So, whilst we were there, Jane phoned Dr Parry (the psychiatrist) to arrange an appointment so we can get the anti-depression meds upped. Karen is on 300mg Venlafaxine a day (2 x 150mg), so hopefully that can go up. Failing that, it may be another medication. I think, just knowing what was wrong helped kp. There was a real funny moment in the meeting, which got kp in stitches. It probably won’t be at all funny when read in the blog, but I’ll give it a go. Jane is great and she does her best at explaining things to kp, but sometimes, because I know Karen so well, I feel I can better explain things to Karen, with some analogy, or using a less complicated word. And sometimes it just helps her to have it repeated. So, Jane had explained something or other, and I could tell kp hadn’t took all of what she said in, so I broke it down and explained it to her as best I could. Of course, while I am doing this, Jane is listening in.
Now, as I am explaining it, it sounded like Jane was so keen and excited about what I was saying (I was only repeating what she said), she let out these little squeaks. Well, I didn’t make anything of the first two, but by the time the 3rd and 4th came out, it sounded like there was a mouse in the room. kp was looking at me whilst I was explaining and there are these squeaks coming from Jane. I gave Jane a look as if to say “do you know you’re squeaking”. Karen caught the look and burst out laughing, and then I laughed and then Jane was off as well.
Funny at the time. It’s one of those things that is still tickling Karen (and me) when she thinks about it.
So, that helped lighten the heavy session. And the other thing that really helped and this ties in with the beginning of this blog’s entry is something else Jane said.
This day was so black, and it felt awful to Karen and I. It felt like the end of the world was here. What Jane asked us to do was to look back at the blog and see how long Karen’s mood has been UP. If anyone would have asked us before the meeting with Jane, we’d have guessed at 2-3 weeks of upbeat kp. We checked when we got home.
Karen had been “Top Banana” from 18th September 2008 to 10th Feb 2009 with one bad week in November. That’s FIVE months !!! We were both surprised and really pleased !!! It just goes to show how a bad day can feel like a bad month !
It definitely helped put things in perspective. Since then, her mood has been better, but far from the highs of recent months. She doesn’t feel able to cope with anything else but getting through each day herself. So, we’ll take it day by day for now. We have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Tuesday and hopefully that will give us some medication changes that will get on top of kp’s chemical imbalances in the brain.
Another interesting thing that Jane said that perked kp up was a recent letter she had written to our solicitor (about Karen). In the letter, she apparently had said something like “Karen’s improvement is great and we are going to need look at some vocational training to get her into some type of volunteer work”. Karen received this really well.
The dogs went to the groomers on thursday. When they came back, they were a bit worse for wear. Scruffy Pups (Sacriston) said they had been standing too long, but whatever it was they were in pain (especially Bonnie) and had a funny mood about them. Karen knows I have always been a believer that it is bordering on dog cruelty to take a pet to a groomer unless it’s for medical reasons. Dogs don’t know they look nice, they don’t appreciate a haircut, and it’s quite a terrifying experience for them. When I picked them up, there were 2 poodles on the stand who were shaking uncontrollably with fear. It’s wrong ! Very wrong !
Anyway, kp now agrees with my viewpoint and we won’t be taking them there again. But, she was in tears and “it’s my fault they’re like this” etc etc…. She’s always blaming herself for everything, and she shouldn’t !
Mind, the dogs did look great. Here’s a photo of them in the glorious weather we have had this week…..
Friday was our 16th Wedding Anniversary, although neither of us remembered until we were at a Garden Centre ordering a new greenhouse and the chap taking the money told us the date, at which point we both congratulated each other !
After ordering the greenhouse, the girls carried on browsing and I went to my mate’s, Nigel to catch up with the gossip, and to have a lovely Fish and Chip lunch with him and his mam. You’re looking great Lillian !! We must get together one night for a meal
So, eventful week.
Saturday and Sunday have been full, with dog walking, tv catching up etc etc….
Fingers crossed for a better week, next week !
Oh god, horrendous week this week, Karen completely rock bottom and nearly losing the plot
Last Sunday night, I did a full Roast and trimmings (lamb I think), but by the time it was all done, kp wasn’t feeling like any food at all. Part of her not liking to eat is that she gets overfaced by a normal portion size, so I did a special small portion size for her to try and tempt her.
But, even this couldn’t tempt her
Monday saw Rachel (the OT) come and they discussed getting Karen some swimming lessons. Sounds like Rachel knows an OT who is also a swimming instructor and could give her private swimming lessons. They also discussed a quiet venue. kp was as flat as a pancake and the meeting was quite awkward. We had ordered some Pilates videos for kp, and once Rachel had left Nat tried to keep kp occupied by watching these with her, but she remained unusually quiet.
Tuesday and Natalie was on a first aid course all day, but it didn’t matter, ‘cos we were going to the psychiatrists in the afternoon anyway for an appointment that Jane (the psychologist) had made the previous week. We were so glad he could see her. The trouble with appointments like the psychologist and the psychiatrist is that our expectations are so high. We go in wanting magic bullets, but that’s not always what we get, probably ‘cos they don’t exist. Here is kp waiting to go in….
The upshot of the psychiatrist meeting is that he thinks the mood improved when she started taking amytrypteline and so he has up’ped this to 150mg a day (instead of 100mg). Neither kp nor I felt like this had hit the nail 100% on the head. There was a niggle inside both of us that said he was a little wide of the mark. But, kp was active in the consultation and asked lots of questions and we left feeling “ok” and that the recommended action was worth a go. We convinced ourselves that he knows what he’s doing (and he does), and that he’s probably right. He’s done the job before for kp, which he has etc etc….
Certainly, the sleep improved, with Karen getting a really good sleep, and weirdly her appetite has been better with kp eating at least 3 full meals during the course of the week, which is pretty much unheard of these days.
Wednesday, Nat was back. kp had a scheduled hairdoo and was getting her nails done. Nat took her, and all seemed fine.
But, then after Nat went, things took a major turn for the worse
We were sitting in our respective seats in the living room, when kp just burst into tears. We can’t remember why, but there was no discernible reason. I went over to comfort her and things got worse over the next 30 minutes or so. She was out of control, screaming and the best way to describe it was “losing the plot” (although this is a little strong). I tried reason and discussion, but it didn’t help, so we needed distraction. I suggested a hot bath, which she agreed to. She knew she needed distracting too. So, into the hot bath, but this pretty much just transferred the problem to the bath, and she was struggling holding back the sobbing and “out of control’ness”. I felt absolutely awful, powerless to help her. I knew distraction was needed. It was too late to call anyone. Karen was afraid that if we called the emergency services, she would end up in a mental hospital.
kp(sobbing):- I’m not going in a mental hospital, ….(sobbing)…., no way……(sobbing)……..
I have an awful memory, but I vaguely recall similar behaviour from around the time Karen realised that we were never going to be able to have kids, and that we had decided against adoption. The end result that time was a mental breakdown. I felt that another one was imminent.
I was in crisis mode. I was talking to her constantly, and now I am writing this, I can’t recall at all what I said specifically, but I do remember saying lots of little things to try and help her regain control. I do remember how I felt – It was as if Karen was a big tanker in the sea about to crash into the pier, and I was a lone tugboat trying desperately to pull her clear of the pier. That’s exactly how I felt – like there’s no way I can save her, but I wasn’t giving up, and all my little verbal nudges and tugs (pardon the pun) evertually diverted her from the crash. It’s Sunday when I write this, and I still can’t believe we made it through that night. I felt sure she was going to have a mental breakdown. And we don’t want to go there again. Having said that, we were discussing this later in the week, trying to recall what happened when she had the mental breakdown after the IVF, and we both seemed to remember that it was the last step to acceptance for Karen that kids weren’t destined for us, and life got better after that. That said, we definitely DO NOT want kp to go there again. That was a horrid time !
So, by some miracle, disaster was averted, and we made it through the screaming and dispair. It was a late night, that night, and we went to bed, with Karen having STRICT instructions that if she woke in the night (as she does), that she MUST wake me up. I definitely didn’t want her to go through this alone.
The following morning, I was straight onto all our specialists (Case Manager, Psychologist and Psychiatrist). I won’t go into all the calls in detail, but suffice to say that we got somewhere. Coincidentally, the psychologist and psychiatrist had been talking about Karen the day before to see if they could “hypothesize” what had caused Karen’s drop in mood. They were both in agreement. It wasn’t a psychological issue, there was nothing that had gone wrong in kp’s life and no reason for kp to feel so so bad, but something HAD changed from a psychiatric point of view. DRUGS !! Karen had been withdrawing VERY gradually from Gabapentin. And she had come off it completely a couple of weeks ago. She was using the Gabapentin for nerve pain, but one of the other ways Gabapentin works is as a “mood stablizer” and it is sometimes prescribed for this reason. It is one of the drugs that crosses the blood-brain barrier, and apparently, it can help other drugs that cross the blood-brain barrier have a better affect ie Venlafaxine (her anti-depressant). So, we had an explanation for her drop in mood. What was the solution ?
Well, Karen had a choice to make.
So, kp made the “Cold Turkey” choice, but I asked the psychiatrist what should she do if she has another attack like last night. THANKFULLY, he had an answer in the form of Diazepam (Valium). He told us to go to the doctors and get some Diazepam and take one if these symptoms recur. Two hours later, we had made the visit and had Diazepam to hand. Now, came the hard bit. We had worked out that she had been off the Gabapentin for 10 days when the incident occurred, and it can take 3 to 4 weeks to be clear of the symptoms. That meant another 11 to 18 days of possible nights like Wednesday night. Karen is going for it. And we had an emergency button that would calm Karen down if she had another bad night in the form of Diazepam. We felt marginally better about it, but we’re both anxious if she could make it. It was the best we were going to get.
Day at a time !
So, it’s now Thursday, hectic day with calls to the specialists, doctor’s visits and she was due to go with Nat to physio in the afternoon. We had took a decision early in the day, that this wasn’t a day for physio or for being with Nat, excellent though she is. This was a “day with hubby” day. My aim was to keep her busy and entertained/occupied. We cancelled the physio and it was a nice but windy day, so we decided to take the dogs for an extra walk to a place we used to go when the dogs were much younger. It was just what Karen needed. It brought back lots of nice memories, and the wind was howling and totally took kp’s mind off things. It was freezing too, but we didn’t mind. The dogs loved it.
Once back from that, we started watching the american celebrity version of apprentice, which was a great distraction. We probably snoozed too, but basically we kept her busy and we got through an upset and despair-free thursday.
Friday, Nat was back and the objective was “keep occupied”. Nat arrived and the girls went straight off to the gym. Physical exercise is very good for depression, and I think it did help. No tears Friday Go Karen go ! All looking good so far ! No Diazepam consumed, which is great, ‘cos it’s addictive (if used for >4 weeks) and we only wanted to use it as an emergency. Abbie and Louisa were due to stay friday night, and kp was due to go to Middlesbrough for a Sisters Day, but both of these events were cancelled.
Friday night saw kp have a whopping 13 hour sleep (split into two). The sleep took kp to about 3pm Saturday. We kept her active in the afternoon. Saturday night = pizza night, our favourite night of the week and things went tits up again. Not as drastic as Wednesday night, not even close, but still upsetting. Lots of tears (for no reason), and signs of her losing control if we didn’t act. I wasn’t keen at suggesting Diazepam, but there was a point in the night where I was left in no doubt that it was the right way forward. And whether it worked or she just calmed down, we don’t know, but the upset subsided, and we went to bed.
Today has been ok so far. Steady away ! We were walking the dogs at 7.30am (6.30am body clock, ‘cos of the clock changes). And since then have watched TV, snoozed and the day is going “as well as can be expected”.
So, bloody awful week. The worst thing is not knowing if kp will make it through the next couple of weeks without another episode. But, at least we understand why this week happened and we have an emergency button for if it does. As usual, Karen has to be the one to go through it. She keeps apologising for it and thinks it’s her fault which does my head in. I keep trying to get across to her that it’s NOT her fault. We’re a team and we have to get through this together. I also keep telling her that we ARE going to get through this and do you know what, something in me tells me that I’m right, and that this could be Karen’s last big hurdle. It could be wishful thinking, but it’s a hunch based on past history. Time will tell……………..
We’re ready for turning a corner, that’s for sure.
New beginnings !
(Lambs from yesterday’s dog walk)
“To Hell and back” pretty much sums up this week.
Extreme sides of emotions, but ending on a positive (and we like them).
Well, first of all, a bit of good news which I omitted from last week’s blog. Last friday, kp reduced her Fentanyl patches from 375 to 350 ! So, since she started the reduction, she has reduced 250, nearly half the morphine levels. Well done Karen Pollard !! She seems to be doing really well on it too. Half the pain relief, but not double the pain, so it’s looking like we can keep going !
Monday and Karen “had a word with herself” and things looked like promising. She hasn’t done a weekly shop for ages, and this week she went off with Nat to do just that. An afternoon in the sun followed and life was good again.
Tuesday, Syd (Case Manager) was coming at 2pm, so the girls went to the gym in the morning, with kp committed to “keeping busy”. She felt very flat in the morning, and the day was going to be a hard one to get through without tears. Syd arrived and all seemed fine at first, but within an hour she “lost the plot” (my words). What do I mean by that, well, she kinda lost control of herself and was emotionally rock bottom and shouting in anguish. All I could do was cuddle her, it was so sad. _I_ was pleased Syd was there, so he could see how bad things were, but Karen was anything but. She’s a very private person and later told me, she hated the fact she “lost it in front of them”. Syd did his best to calm her down by distracting her with wiffle waffle, but it didn’t work, and when he nipped to the loo, I asked Nat to get a diazepam. Within 30 minutes she was calmer. The only answer for things like this apparently, is distraction, ie keep busy. We want this magic bullet, but there ain’t one
Wednesday, things were much the same. The weather has been glorious this week, and kp and Nat went to walk the dogs. It needs a car trip now to do the walk Karen can do, so Nat’s car was a bit hairier on its return. Following the dog walk, we had lunch, and then kp and Nat went to South Shields to look at a potential dog walk site where the dogs can go in the sea. Syd had instructed Nat to keep her “out of the house” which is probably associated with all these negative feelings, but this had the adverse affect of making kp feel trapped, like she HAD to be out and COULDN’T come home, but she persevered and had a nice lunch by the sea.
Thursday saw her scheduled psychology session with Jane. But, the good news happened when she woke up. She felt “better”. Not better(fully recovered), but better(than the previous day). And I could tell, she was chatty, bordering on incessant chatter. But, it was great to have kp “back in the house” She was positive and looking forward to the rest of the week. My heart certainly felt lifted. We were due to have dinner on Friday with the Gibbs, but earlier in the week, I had texted my mate Nigel to say “It’s looking very unlikely, but not impossible”. On Thursday, she was saying, “Yes, let’s go”. I couldn’t believe it. So, we booked a meal at the Gibbs’es for friday night.
The psychology session was tear free and very positive. A trip to the gym followed and she did 1.1 miles on the treadmill
Friday, she did some gardening (maximising the weather), and was knackered after that. To bed for a snooze in the afternoon, to be ready for the meal with at the Gibbs’ house. When she woke up, she said to me that she didn’t want to go Neither of us wanted to let the Gibbs’ down, but at the same time, we didn’t want Karen in a place that would make her worse. We both felt LOTS of guilt, but decided that it was best to “not go”. They were very understanding, but Karen’s guilt was tangible.
Saturday started good. Lovely dog walk, but towards the end of the afternoon, she felt a bit low. She remarked that anything could make her “cry”. We started watching more “fun” programmes and the Horne and Corden show on BBC3 had her in stitches, so that was a good tonic. Pizza Night with a film and Lost followed, which we both enjoyed.
And today has been “ok”. Neither good nor bad. The best way to describe life at the moment is…..
“Steady Away”
Give me another week of Karen like the last few days, and I will be a bit more certain, this dark period is behind us.
Here’s hoping !
What a difference a week makes ! Or more importantly, a weekend.
The week started off in pain, but kp was not in dire mood, bordering on “very ok”, not quite “good”. We had been doing some gardening, and she had done about 15-20 minutes of it (bending over), and monday afternoon she paid the price for it. 2 x 10mg morphine, plus hot bath was ordered and delivered.
The good thing about the day was that all the pain didn’t bring her down. Things were starting to look up.
Tuesday morning and she woke up perky Physio (with Nat) mid-morning and a few tears whilst she was out, so things weren’t as good as I had thought
The psychiatrist said he would phone on tuesday and indeed he did. Karen explained her low mood and he has up’ped the Amytrypteline. This is both an anti-depressant and it definitely helps her sleep. Karen didn’t have that much faith that it would help, but she knows with anti-depressant medication, it’s very hard to get right and it takes 2 weeks for each change to take effect, so “waiting game” time.
Wednesday, the girls were due to go to the Metro Centre, but kp couldn’t think of anything she wanted, so they went to the gym instead and then followed that with physio exercises at home. kp was getting perkier
Thursday, we went to see a psychiatrist who was doing a report for “the other side”. A nice chap who we met at a business centre by the River Tyne. These kind of things always concern me, as they have the potential to be a turning point for the worse ie when the accident is discussed etc. But, Karen was great, she narrowly avoided tears, although I could tell she was close at one point. Well done kp.
Thursday night, we watched a Jade remembrance programme, and that got kp teary. Anything at all will set her off.
Friday and we were both up about 6.15am and decided to take the dogs for a walk, as the dog walker was off. It was a lovely but cold walk, and by 7.30am we were enjoying breakfast back in the warmth of the house. We had planned to go to the Cash & Carry for mini-eggs for the Easter Egg hunt, but it wasn’t to be.
Instead, we caught up on lost sleep and TV that we were behind on.
And then came the weekend. We have had an absolute blast, and Karen is buzzing today ! Jabbering like a good’un. Saturday was none too eventful, consisting of dog walking and pottering around the house with the usual Saturday night pizza and “Britain’s got talent” entertainment.
Sunday, and my family came up from Lancashire. We were due to meet them at the Royal County (where they were staying) at 12pm and I knew that first visit would be key. The trickiest thing would be getting her there without tears or upset. I was sure if she made it, she’d be ok. True enough, we made it there and met them at the Leisure centre. So far, so good !!! Next challenge was that she wouldn’t feel hemmed in or trapped by having company around her. But, it all seemed to be going fine on that front too. Then, something happened and I thought that would be the end of the weekend for kp. Jamie (my nephew (5)) ran into a car park barrier and made a big dent in his head. Jane rushed him back to the Leisure centre with blood dripping from his head. She took him in to get the Leisure Centre first aid kit. At this, Karen started crying. She was upset at seeing Jamie upset. Jamie was really good and there were hardly any tears, but kp was struggling to keep her upset in, but she did, and I think only Jane cottoned on that she had been tearful.
The next step was to take Jamie to A+E. It was decided that I’d take Jane ‘cos I knew where it was, and all the rest (including kp) would go to the restaurant for lunch. kp looked a bit worried that I was leaving her, but we went ahead with the plan. As luck would have it, we were in and out of the hospital within 30 minutes with Jamie’s head all glued up
We rejoined the group for lunch and had a lovely chatty lunch. kp was gradually perking up. After lunch, the crew were going to Diggerland with the kids, while kp and I prepared the Easter Egg hunt. The weather was gorgeous and it was roasting in the back garden. The hour or two we had to ourselves was perfect for Karen to recharge ready for the next meet-up. When they arrived, we did a reintroduction to the dogs, which in hindsight wasn’t necessary, as they seemed to remember them from before. And then we all went into the garden for the egg hunt and chat/drinks. It was lovely, and kp really enjoyed it.
The kids very kindly has made us some Easter gifts…..Here they are…..
To top off the day, the kids wanted to stay the night at ours, and kp and I had already discussed that they may want to do that and had said it would be ok. So, a chatty and busy evening continued, but one we both really enjoyed. kp was in her element. At one point of the evening, kp was having a fag out the back, and Jamie left me and Sophie to go and find her. He looked all around the house and by himself went out the back.
Jamie (having found her) :- I’ve been looking for you
kp was laughing at this and I think was dead chuffed too
Bedtime for the kids was interesting. I had promised a story and ended up being persuaded to do THREE !!! And each was an epic with full character voicing. Perhaps they were too good And then I had to pretend to go to sleep with them. Sophie was being an arse and kept kicking Jamie to keep him awake, but eventually they settled and kp and I could relax.
I was awake at 5am, wondering why there was no noise coming from their room. At 6am, I was more concerned. By 6.15am, I had to check up on them, they were fast asleep. I took in the camera to take a shot for the blog, but they woke up when I switched the camera on
Just as well though, ‘cos we needed to have walked the dogs and be back to get kp ready for 9am. We all had breakfast together before the Pollard/Boxall clan arrived. It was then time to go to Beamish Museum. The weather remained lovely and we all had a great time at Beamish. Here are Sophie and Jamie being instructed by the Beamish Headmaster……
Jamie was very tired towards the end, and I was the lucky(unlucky) one who he wanted to cling to ALL THE WAY UP the Beamish hill towards the car !! I loved it
Back to our house for more chat, and then to the Royal County for a meal. Normally, the Royal County does very poor food, their Sunday lunch is atrocious, but the bar meal we had was lovely and a perfect end to a fantastically brilliant weekend. By this time, kp was paying the price for the trip round Beamish and had popped some morphine tablets. She hadn’t eaten a thing all day, but we think the morphine tablets made her nauseous, and then shortly after the meal, promptly went to the loo to throw up, or to try to
Whilst kp was with mum at the loo, I was dragged (by Jamie) up to the bedroom to say goodbyes. For some reason, he was really clingy, and parting was very hard as he was crying (for me) as I left. I felt honoured and a bit sad and made the mistake of telling kp, but she held up and there were no tears.
We were exhausted when we got back and I was in bed by 10pm. kp came a little later.
The great news is that when Karen woke this morning (tuesday morning), she felt like she was feeling great. Obvsiouly, it’s early days, but generally speaking her mood has been much more on the up, than on the down, and coincidentally, Easter Sunday is 4 weeks to the day after she gave up the Gabapentin, so it should definitely be all out of her system by now.
Here’s praying it all continues !! Thanks for coming up mum, dad, jane, guy, sophie and jamie. I’m not sure how much the “coming up” has helped, but funnily enough, there are a few recent occasions when Karen was due to go and see Michelle or Yvonne, or other friends and hasn’t been able to pull it off, but someone coming to see her, seems to have made all the difference. Thanks very much !