Well, we had a lovely meal at the Pomodoro restaurant last night. Our best yet.
Today kp has been chilling by the pool catching up with her reading.
I did the final day of my deep dive course going to 40m
Saw a few spotted stingray, lionfish, clams, and a lovely and large spotted pufferfish. Best day of diving this holiday.
Tomorrow, we are planning to go to the beach and hopefully get kp snorkelling!
Watch this space!
Quiet day.
Before I forget, we reduced the Fentanyl patches by another 25 on Sunday 1st March, so well done kp.
After a poor sleep, we had a lie-in. And then headed to the beach where the plan was for kp to go snorkelling with me.
Unfortunately, it was completely overcast and felt cool (22′C) so once she had felt the water it wasn’t as inviting as it would be if u wanted a cool swim after a hot sunbathe. The water temperature is 24′C.
So we headed back to the hotel picking up supplies (milk, water) en route.
Karen’s mood was on the wane. “Slippery slope” she called it.
I think she needs a more-actioned packed holiday. So we made a note to pick up an excursion leaflet so she had something to aim for.
Lazy day after that. I have changed one of my 2 remaining days into a digital photography course so was reading the training material for that.
By the nighttime Karens mood improved a little when we discussed how we could engineer some snorkelling for her off the boat. She was only going to do 1 more boat day, but now she is coming on both the remaining diving days. We are going to try to get her a dedicated snorkelling instructor, and arrange it so that when everyone else is in the water and the boat is quiet, she then goes in. Fingers crossed we can pull of off.
Last night, Karen expressed a wish to go to the casino so off we went after a lovely drink at the hotel’s rooftop bar. She likes the slots and was very soon about $5 up. I was keen for her to quit at that point but she’d only been doing it 5 mins. So, a bit of an atmosphere developed (my fault). She made the (very valid) point that I had had my fun diving and she wanted to have some fun on the slots. My huff continued.
About 10 mins later, we left a $1 up and with me with $10 worth of guilt. Anyhoo, she accepted my apologies and that I would be less anal if we returned.
A lovely meal after the casino and Karen’s first full meal of the holiday.
So today (day 7), we are planning to try the beach snorkel again, having ruled out all the excursions.
Not the best day today!
It started with Karen waking up and being virtually unable to walk because of pain in her left buttock and groin.
She took some morphine (10mg) and 2 codeine. Her walking was very laboured and quite saddening to watch.
We went for some breakfast but things didn’t improve. Karen was very keen for it not to spoil the day. She was keen to use the day practising her snorkelling. Before the accident, Karen was very comfortable in the water but now she is completely the opposite.
So, taking advantage of the glorious weather, we oiled up and headed to the beach. I went in first and without a wet suit it felt cool at first and I instantly thought kp wouldn’t even make it upto her knees. I had a refreshing snorkel and saw some cornetfish and some parrotfish and thought she’d love it.
So, I went back to pick the limping Karen up and led her to the beach. It all started great and she made it upto chest height in the water-all was good.
So we kitted her up with the snorkel and mask, took a photo and it was time to get her prone. Now, the Red Sea is very salty and when prone face down with a snorkel, you remain totally on the surface, totally buoyant.
And we got her prone no problem and she stayed there for about 10 seconds, but then she vice-gripped my arm, a sure sign she wanted to get upright, which I helped her achieve.
She was very unnerved that she couldn’t right herself but wanted to continue. So she got prone again and I led her by swimming and pulling her to where the cornetfush were hanging out.
But after about 20 seconds, she panicked again but this time we were too deep for me to stand up. So, I had to pull her onto her back and drag her back by pulling her head and swimming at the same time until I could stand up.
Once we were both able to stand up, Karen felt calm again, but didn’t want to try again understandably. We think her new pain made things worse and her inability to get from prone to vertical herself made her very nervous/anxious.
So, no tears yet. We had a bit more time on the beach before heading back for a cup of tea. Once back, the tears started…… She was very disillusioned with how the attempt went, thinking that if she can’t do it from the beach, what chance does she have off a boat. I tried to explain that it would be very different with a lifejacket on and with fins. So , we’re going to leave it for day or so and reassess how her pain is and how she feels about it.
We spent most of the afternoon enjoying the sun by the pool. Karen’s pain is still there, so we’re going to get a KFC in the room in the hope that resting will improve her body.
Upto now she has taken 4x codeine and 5x10mg morphine and the pain is still there. Fingers crossed she’s feeling better tomorrow.
KFC time ….. 
Better day today for both of us
Karen’s pain is much improved after a great night’s sleep. Karen was so drugged up, she was bound to sleep well and indeed she did!
KFC last night – very tasty!
Today was my underwater digital photography course and it was a great opportunity to get some good shots of marine life.
Karen had planned to have a relaxing day to recoup after yesterdays pain and she made the most of the lovely weather sitting by the pool.
Tonight probably casino and a meal out somewhere.
Good day.
Glorious weather called for a day by the pool. Lack of reading material called for some bartering with the locals. Starting for £10 for a single paper, we got him down to £4 for two but you’d think WE’D robbed him whereas we still felt robbed.
But we were set for the day.
We spent most of the day by the pool watching some learner divers doing their Open Water course – quite entertaining especially the lady who struggled to do a length underwater. Her bum kept coming to the top and I don’t think she grasped how frustrated the instructor was getting with her.
Casino losses and a nice meal ended the day
Good day.
Glorious weather called for a day by the pool. Lack of reading material called for some bartering with the locals. Starting for £10 for a single paper, we got him down to £4 for two but you’d think WE’D robbed him whereas we still felt robbed.
But we were set for the day.
We spent most of the day by the pool watching some learner divers doing their Open Water course – quite entertaining especially the lady who struggled to do a length underwater. Her bum kept coming to the top and I don’t think she grasped how frustrated the instructor was getting with her.
Casino losses and a nice meal ended the day
Good day today, probably more fun for dp than kp. I went diving at 3 dive sites at Ras Mohammed
Awesome dives, topped off by a school of about 20 dolphins swimming around the boat on our return. Soooooo wished Karen had come as she would have loved it !!!
Karen has been sunning it by the pool. She bartered for a newspaper so nice one kp. She got the chap down to a £1 but didn’t like the look of him and ended up paying yesterday’s price.
Everyone apart from me swam with turtles today on the dive trip.
I was put in the less experienced group and the advanced group swam with turtles at our first dive site. Then, my air consumption was such that I was put in the advanced group and you guessed it, the other group swam with turtles!
But still a great day!
Kp has a blinding headache so hopefully when I wake her in 30 mins she’ll be up for a meal out
Attached…. Photo of Jarrn from yesterday and a photo taken from the boat on the way to Ras Mohammed
Very good day today. Nice relaxing day by the pool with kp reading newspapers and a book donated by a nice Finnish couple.
Wet suit nearly ready to pack. Another few hours in the sun tomorrow should see it bone dry.
Kp snoozing so will wake her up shortly to go for the meal out.
Ganning home tomorrow 
Well, the last day of the holiday was spent sunning it and chilling. Good flight back – the 6 hours seemed to fly past.
Dad picked us up at Manchester airport and we drove back up today picking dogs up on the way. Great holiday but always good to be home.
Big thanks to mum/dad for the taxi/hotel/car valet service. It really is appreciated!!!
Back to rehab for Karen and some soul-searching for dp. Which direction to go in etc etc? So many choices!
Bring it on !
Well…..
Not a good week with lots of tears.
Tuesday, Karen was straight back into rehab. 1pm – Physio at the local sports hall where Steve (physio) was explaining to Karen and Natalie which equipment kp should use, and how to use it.
Back home after that for Joanne (physio) who worked on loosening Karen’s left shoulder.
Wednesday, Karen and Natalie went somewhere in the car, but neither of us can remember where they went ?! When they got back, they took the dogs on a short walk, which they thoroughly enjoyed !
Thursday is when the tears started. Rachel (OT) attended and somewhere in the conversation, it was mentioned that it is unlikely Karen’s hand will get back to 100%. Karen got quite upset. I don’t think it was 100% down to what Rachel said. I think Karen is in a place right now, where tears are just bubbling under the surface and it only takes the wrong word here or there to make them come out. Another short dog walk in the afternoon.
Friday saw a similar small thing upsetting the apple cart. Natalie and Karen went out looking at different swimming pools and on their return, after a short dog walk, Michelle (Karen’s sister) phoned. Karen told Michelle that she was planning to go and see “Marley and Me” (a new film that’s out) with Nat. Michelle told Karen she had seen it and that it was quite sad, and that’s ALL she said ! Well, that was enough to get Karen upset. So, she’s definitely on a low ebb at the moment.
It’s so sad, because her mood (or mindset) is the only thing that’s wrong at the moment. Her body has never been better, the summer’s coming and gone are the long cold nights, and Karen has lots of things going on which she is enjoying. We are going to be getting a new greenhouse and she’s looking forward to that….So, it’s really sad that her mind is at such a low ebb. We are seeing the psychologist this week, so hopefully she can help.
To make matters worse, I have had man flu this week (common cold), and Karen HATES me sniffing, so I don’t think that has helped matters.
On friday night, I contacted our friends, the Kingdons (Dave and Helen) to arrange a get together. kp was up for it and that’s an achievement in itself, as she is very anti-get-togethers at the moment. But she said “Yes”. I sent the text to see what Dave and Helen were upto, and during the time it took them to reply, Michelle phoned and the “Marley and Me” incident occurred and Karen no longer wanted to go
Friday night, she had an awful sleep and so when I got up (7am), she was still up, so we walked the dogs early. I went to see Dave and Helen, and she didn’t go to sleep whilst I was gone. She was knackered at 10pm, so we went to bed, but she only had an hour and was then up all night. So, another early dog walk this morning, which was nice actually, ‘cos it’s a gorgeous day !
So, she’s not in a good place. Very low ebb, reasons unknown, even to her
Busy week coming up, so she’ll not have chance to dwell on anything.
Here are some more photos from our Egypt holiday……
To see full-size versions of these photos, you need to click on the one you want to see, and then wait a bit, and then click on it again.
Well, it feels like a bad week, but it hasn’t been as bad as it feels, but herein lies an interesting thing about “bad days” – more later.
Monday, and Syd came for his monthly visit. Lots of good things to report to Syd. Karen told him about the holiday and how she was now focussed on getting her swimming back upto speed so she can eventually do diving
She could also pass on the good news that she is now OFF one of the drugs she has been on since the accident and it happens to be one of the 3 drugs that will not allow her to dive – Gabapentin !!! Well done love !!!! A really big achievement, and one I don’t think she has given herself enough credit for. It’s a pain drug that dulls nerve pain. So, it’s another huge step in the right direction.
She enjoyed Syd’s visit, which was good.
Tuesday, I was on a diving course (Equipment Specialist) at Aquanorth, Newcastle. Very good it was too.
Natalie was off all day, and Jane Burns was due to come in the afternoon and stay the night, but kp was full of cold and sniffing like a good’un. So, kp called her to postpone the get-together. She wasn’t in the mood for company and was very irritable, to say the least. Everything was my fault
Wednesday, and Natalie and I were attending a Brain Injury Conference in Newcastle. It was meant for Health Professionals to allow them to better understand brain injury and was very interesting. There were probably about 100-150 people there and the sessions were generally excellent. I think I was the only carer, but it was still interesting and pertinent.
Jane was supposed to be there from the previous day, but because kp called her off, she was on her lonesome, but she made the most of the day and looked into things she may want to get into, in the short and long term. Pilates, Table Tennis, Swimming, Volunteering. She did lots of web browsing and identified relevant materials and/or classes.
Thursday was all change and kp’s mood plummeted It wasn’t that high to begin with and had probably been quite low since (maybe) the week before the holiday.
She got up, and no sooner had she showered than she was in tears and stayed that way pretty much ALL day. She just couldn’t be doing with ANYTHING. Thankfully, she was due a visit to the psychologist anyway, which was a real piece of good luck.
I persuaded her to keep the appointment, but she just couldn’t stop crying. When I asked her what she was crying about, she couldn’t identify one thing ! I couldn’t think straight and just felt awful myself.
Anyway, we went to the psychologist. And when we explained that Karen didn’t know what was making her cry, she instantly said “Clinical Depression” and that psychological intervention (her) wouldn’t necessarily help and that her anti-depressant meds may need upping or changing. This instantly sounded like the correct diagnosis to me. kp couldn’t identify anything causing the upset, so a chemical imbalance in the head (clinical depression) sounded spot on. I was annoyed I hadn’t thought of it myself, but thankfully it sounded good.
So, whilst we were there, Jane phoned Dr Parry (the psychiatrist) to arrange an appointment so we can get the anti-depression meds upped. Karen is on 300mg Venlafaxine a day (2 x 150mg), so hopefully that can go up. Failing that, it may be another medication. I think, just knowing what was wrong helped kp. There was a real funny moment in the meeting, which got kp in stitches. It probably won’t be at all funny when read in the blog, but I’ll give it a go. Jane is great and she does her best at explaining things to kp, but sometimes, because I know Karen so well, I feel I can better explain things to Karen, with some analogy, or using a less complicated word. And sometimes it just helps her to have it repeated. So, Jane had explained something or other, and I could tell kp hadn’t took all of what she said in, so I broke it down and explained it to her as best I could. Of course, while I am doing this, Jane is listening in.
Now, as I am explaining it, it sounded like Jane was so keen and excited about what I was saying (I was only repeating what she said), she let out these little squeaks. Well, I didn’t make anything of the first two, but by the time the 3rd and 4th came out, it sounded like there was a mouse in the room. kp was looking at me whilst I was explaining and there are these squeaks coming from Jane. I gave Jane a look as if to say “do you know you’re squeaking”. Karen caught the look and burst out laughing, and then I laughed and then Jane was off as well.
Funny at the time. It’s one of those things that is still tickling Karen (and me) when she thinks about it.
So, that helped lighten the heavy session. And the other thing that really helped and this ties in with the beginning of this blog’s entry is something else Jane said.
This day was so black, and it felt awful to Karen and I. It felt like the end of the world was here. What Jane asked us to do was to look back at the blog and see how long Karen’s mood has been UP. If anyone would have asked us before the meeting with Jane, we’d have guessed at 2-3 weeks of upbeat kp. We checked when we got home.
Karen had been “Top Banana” from 18th September 2008 to 10th Feb 2009 with one bad week in November. That’s FIVE months !!! We were both surprised and really pleased !!! It just goes to show how a bad day can feel like a bad month !
It definitely helped put things in perspective. Since then, her mood has been better, but far from the highs of recent months. She doesn’t feel able to cope with anything else but getting through each day herself. So, we’ll take it day by day for now. We have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Tuesday and hopefully that will give us some medication changes that will get on top of kp’s chemical imbalances in the brain.
Another interesting thing that Jane said that perked kp up was a recent letter she had written to our solicitor (about Karen). In the letter, she apparently had said something like “Karen’s improvement is great and we are going to need look at some vocational training to get her into some type of volunteer work”. Karen received this really well.
The dogs went to the groomers on thursday. When they came back, they were a bit worse for wear. Scruffy Pups (Sacriston) said they had been standing too long, but whatever it was they were in pain (especially Bonnie) and had a funny mood about them. Karen knows I have always been a believer that it is bordering on dog cruelty to take a pet to a groomer unless it’s for medical reasons. Dogs don’t know they look nice, they don’t appreciate a haircut, and it’s quite a terrifying experience for them. When I picked them up, there were 2 poodles on the stand who were shaking uncontrollably with fear. It’s wrong ! Very wrong !
Anyway, kp now agrees with my viewpoint and we won’t be taking them there again. But, she was in tears and “it’s my fault they’re like this” etc etc…. She’s always blaming herself for everything, and she shouldn’t !
Mind, the dogs did look great. Here’s a photo of them in the glorious weather we have had this week…..
Friday was our 16th Wedding Anniversary, although neither of us remembered until we were at a Garden Centre ordering a new greenhouse and the chap taking the money told us the date, at which point we both congratulated each other !
After ordering the greenhouse, the girls carried on browsing and I went to my mate’s, Nigel to catch up with the gossip, and to have a lovely Fish and Chip lunch with him and his mam. You’re looking great Lillian !! We must get together one night for a meal
So, eventful week.
Saturday and Sunday have been full, with dog walking, tv catching up etc etc….
Fingers crossed for a better week, next week !
Oh god, horrendous week this week, Karen completely rock bottom and nearly losing the plot
Last Sunday night, I did a full Roast and trimmings (lamb I think), but by the time it was all done, kp wasn’t feeling like any food at all. Part of her not liking to eat is that she gets overfaced by a normal portion size, so I did a special small portion size for her to try and tempt her.
But, even this couldn’t tempt her
Monday saw Rachel (the OT) come and they discussed getting Karen some swimming lessons. Sounds like Rachel knows an OT who is also a swimming instructor and could give her private swimming lessons. They also discussed a quiet venue. kp was as flat as a pancake and the meeting was quite awkward. We had ordered some Pilates videos for kp, and once Rachel had left Nat tried to keep kp occupied by watching these with her, but she remained unusually quiet.
Tuesday and Natalie was on a first aid course all day, but it didn’t matter, ‘cos we were going to the psychiatrists in the afternoon anyway for an appointment that Jane (the psychologist) had made the previous week. We were so glad he could see her. The trouble with appointments like the psychologist and the psychiatrist is that our expectations are so high. We go in wanting magic bullets, but that’s not always what we get, probably ‘cos they don’t exist. Here is kp waiting to go in….
The upshot of the psychiatrist meeting is that he thinks the mood improved when she started taking amytrypteline and so he has up’ped this to 150mg a day (instead of 100mg). Neither kp nor I felt like this had hit the nail 100% on the head. There was a niggle inside both of us that said he was a little wide of the mark. But, kp was active in the consultation and asked lots of questions and we left feeling “ok” and that the recommended action was worth a go. We convinced ourselves that he knows what he’s doing (and he does), and that he’s probably right. He’s done the job before for kp, which he has etc etc….
Certainly, the sleep improved, with Karen getting a really good sleep, and weirdly her appetite has been better with kp eating at least 3 full meals during the course of the week, which is pretty much unheard of these days.
Wednesday, Nat was back. kp had a scheduled hairdoo and was getting her nails done. Nat took her, and all seemed fine.
But, then after Nat went, things took a major turn for the worse
We were sitting in our respective seats in the living room, when kp just burst into tears. We can’t remember why, but there was no discernible reason. I went over to comfort her and things got worse over the next 30 minutes or so. She was out of control, screaming and the best way to describe it was “losing the plot” (although this is a little strong). I tried reason and discussion, but it didn’t help, so we needed distraction. I suggested a hot bath, which she agreed to. She knew she needed distracting too. So, into the hot bath, but this pretty much just transferred the problem to the bath, and she was struggling holding back the sobbing and “out of control’ness”. I felt absolutely awful, powerless to help her. I knew distraction was needed. It was too late to call anyone. Karen was afraid that if we called the emergency services, she would end up in a mental hospital.
kp(sobbing):- I’m not going in a mental hospital, ….(sobbing)…., no way……(sobbing)……..
I have an awful memory, but I vaguely recall similar behaviour from around the time Karen realised that we were never going to be able to have kids, and that we had decided against adoption. The end result that time was a mental breakdown. I felt that another one was imminent.
I was in crisis mode. I was talking to her constantly, and now I am writing this, I can’t recall at all what I said specifically, but I do remember saying lots of little things to try and help her regain control. I do remember how I felt – It was as if Karen was a big tanker in the sea about to crash into the pier, and I was a lone tugboat trying desperately to pull her clear of the pier. That’s exactly how I felt – like there’s no way I can save her, but I wasn’t giving up, and all my little verbal nudges and tugs (pardon the pun) evertually diverted her from the crash. It’s Sunday when I write this, and I still can’t believe we made it through that night. I felt sure she was going to have a mental breakdown. And we don’t want to go there again. Having said that, we were discussing this later in the week, trying to recall what happened when she had the mental breakdown after the IVF, and we both seemed to remember that it was the last step to acceptance for Karen that kids weren’t destined for us, and life got better after that. That said, we definitely DO NOT want kp to go there again. That was a horrid time !
So, by some miracle, disaster was averted, and we made it through the screaming and dispair. It was a late night, that night, and we went to bed, with Karen having STRICT instructions that if she woke in the night (as she does), that she MUST wake me up. I definitely didn’t want her to go through this alone.
The following morning, I was straight onto all our specialists (Case Manager, Psychologist and Psychiatrist). I won’t go into all the calls in detail, but suffice to say that we got somewhere. Coincidentally, the psychologist and psychiatrist had been talking about Karen the day before to see if they could “hypothesize” what had caused Karen’s drop in mood. They were both in agreement. It wasn’t a psychological issue, there was nothing that had gone wrong in kp’s life and no reason for kp to feel so so bad, but something HAD changed from a psychiatric point of view. DRUGS !! Karen had been withdrawing VERY gradually from Gabapentin. And she had come off it completely a couple of weeks ago. She was using the Gabapentin for nerve pain, but one of the other ways Gabapentin works is as a “mood stablizer” and it is sometimes prescribed for this reason. It is one of the drugs that crosses the blood-brain barrier, and apparently, it can help other drugs that cross the blood-brain barrier have a better affect ie Venlafaxine (her anti-depressant). So, we had an explanation for her drop in mood. What was the solution ?
Well, Karen had a choice to make.
So, kp made the “Cold Turkey” choice, but I asked the psychiatrist what should she do if she has another attack like last night. THANKFULLY, he had an answer in the form of Diazepam (Valium). He told us to go to the doctors and get some Diazepam and take one if these symptoms recur. Two hours later, we had made the visit and had Diazepam to hand. Now, came the hard bit. We had worked out that she had been off the Gabapentin for 10 days when the incident occurred, and it can take 3 to 4 weeks to be clear of the symptoms. That meant another 11 to 18 days of possible nights like Wednesday night. Karen is going for it. And we had an emergency button that would calm Karen down if she had another bad night in the form of Diazepam. We felt marginally better about it, but we’re both anxious if she could make it. It was the best we were going to get.
Day at a time !
So, it’s now Thursday, hectic day with calls to the specialists, doctor’s visits and she was due to go with Nat to physio in the afternoon. We had took a decision early in the day, that this wasn’t a day for physio or for being with Nat, excellent though she is. This was a “day with hubby” day. My aim was to keep her busy and entertained/occupied. We cancelled the physio and it was a nice but windy day, so we decided to take the dogs for an extra walk to a place we used to go when the dogs were much younger. It was just what Karen needed. It brought back lots of nice memories, and the wind was howling and totally took kp’s mind off things. It was freezing too, but we didn’t mind. The dogs loved it.
Once back from that, we started watching the american celebrity version of apprentice, which was a great distraction. We probably snoozed too, but basically we kept her busy and we got through an upset and despair-free thursday.
Friday, Nat was back and the objective was “keep occupied”. Nat arrived and the girls went straight off to the gym. Physical exercise is very good for depression, and I think it did help. No tears Friday Go Karen go ! All looking good so far ! No Diazepam consumed, which is great, ‘cos it’s addictive (if used for >4 weeks) and we only wanted to use it as an emergency. Abbie and Louisa were due to stay friday night, and kp was due to go to Middlesbrough for a Sisters Day, but both of these events were cancelled.
Friday night saw kp have a whopping 13 hour sleep (split into two). The sleep took kp to about 3pm Saturday. We kept her active in the afternoon. Saturday night = pizza night, our favourite night of the week and things went tits up again. Not as drastic as Wednesday night, not even close, but still upsetting. Lots of tears (for no reason), and signs of her losing control if we didn’t act. I wasn’t keen at suggesting Diazepam, but there was a point in the night where I was left in no doubt that it was the right way forward. And whether it worked or she just calmed down, we don’t know, but the upset subsided, and we went to bed.
Today has been ok so far. Steady away ! We were walking the dogs at 7.30am (6.30am body clock, ‘cos of the clock changes). And since then have watched TV, snoozed and the day is going “as well as can be expected”.
So, bloody awful week. The worst thing is not knowing if kp will make it through the next couple of weeks without another episode. But, at least we understand why this week happened and we have an emergency button for if it does. As usual, Karen has to be the one to go through it. She keeps apologising for it and thinks it’s her fault which does my head in. I keep trying to get across to her that it’s NOT her fault. We’re a team and we have to get through this together. I also keep telling her that we ARE going to get through this and do you know what, something in me tells me that I’m right, and that this could be Karen’s last big hurdle. It could be wishful thinking, but it’s a hunch based on past history. Time will tell……………..
We’re ready for turning a corner, that’s for sure.
New beginnings !
(Lambs from yesterday’s dog walk)