Good week this week. Sleep still remaining an issue, but kp very used to lack of sleep now.

Monday was a sleep catchup day after the Spain holiday.

Tuesday saw the arrival of Jane and VD. With them came lots of laughter, a real good tonic for kp. There was also a treat for the dogs as they went to the groomers (a first). I was sceptical. I always thought dog grooming was more for the owner than the dogs and was a bit of dog cruelty with a fancy name. But, their rear ends were very matted. They came back looking and feeling amazing. What a difference ! Still don’t think the dogs enjoyed or appreciated it. Bonnie was a bit weird for the whole week, not feeling very sure of her backend where they had to shave her bare it was that bad. She kept running around to strange places in the house and sitting close to us. Hard to explain. Anyhoo, she is used to it now. kp feels better for it.

We tried to have a chinese that night, but BOTH chinese takeaways were closed on Tuesday, so we went for an Indian and it was very good.

Wednesday, I had a prearranged trip to meet up with Nigel. Whilst I was there, the Fire Brigade were visiting to discuss fire with his son as he had been allegedly lighting some fires with his mates. It was a very good job they did. What was funny though (and kp was in stitches) was that Nigel got into more trouble than his son (for various things around the house). Nigel found it very funny too.

Thursday was our weekly trip to the psychologists which went very well. Lots to think about and we were knackered after it, but no time for snoozes ‘cos of the visitors.

In the afternoon, we had an appointment at the Anti-Smoking clinic. We both want to give up. Nice lady. She was an ex-smoker and she sounded like she really missed the fags. We nearly converted her into a smoker at one point, which we found funny.

kp is giving up tonight. I am 2 days given up. Watch this space. Fingers crossed.

Friday and Patti (the lady who manages kp’s support worker) came to take kp to the Eden Arms to interview a lady. There had only been one interested person (probably because they can only recruit for a 6-month temporary contract) as we don’t know how the case will go yet.

Unfortunately, once they got there, she never showed up. Majorly annoying !!!

Anyway, kp enjoyed her time with Patti.

The afternoon, we all (Jane had gone home in the morning) watched the Olymic Opening Ceremony. Absolutely incredible – well done Beijing. Beat that London !

Saturday, I went to buy a bike in readiness for my new fitness program starting tomorrow. The girls watched some of the Olympics and then Ronnie left to make the most of the quiet traffic (Saturday evening).

Today, kp was feeling a bit rough as one of her patches fell off during the bath yesterday, so she had to pop a couple of morphine tablets, leaving her knackered and having to go to bed. I did the shopping for our new fresh food diet.

It’s all change in the Pollard household…..

Fit – here we come.

So so week for kp. Sleep remains the big issue, but on the plus side, we have both been “off the fags” for a week !

Monday – Karen had an awful night’s sleep and remained lethargic all day. I took the car for an MOT and did a 4-mile bike ride. I walked like John Wayne when I got off “the saddle”.

Tuesday – Physio for kp. With the lack of a support worker (still), I am Taximan No. 1, so I took kp to the physio session. I left her there so I could crack on with things, and Steve (physio) brought her back. She did 10 minutes treadmill and 15 minutes bike ride. It was a bit of a struggle apparently, ‘cos of the lack of sleep.

Wednesday’s are Karen’s day off. Jane (the psychologist) had suggested that kp schedules one day a week as “Karen time”. That day is wednesday. So it was a catch up on things kp wanted to get done, like tidy the tablet drawer – fun fun fun !

Thursday – Joanne (Physio assistant) came and took kp for a walk up the street. She could tell kp was exhausted from lack of sleep so when they got back, she treat her to a lovely massage. I expect 10 minutes after the massage began, kp would have been asleep. Certainly, by the end of it, she was well gone and she just left her to sleep Thanks Joanne !

Friday and another bad night. Physio was an even bigger struggle and it was cut a bit short because kp was just dead on her feet. When they got back, kp did some probing questionning with Steve about how much better she is going to get. Steve tells it how it is and there were a few tears later that day and over the weekend.

That night (friday), we had arranged to go to a friend of mine (Nigel)’s house. It was a dinner party for 6 adults and 3 kids and we had a whale of a time. Lots of good crack, the food was excellent, and Nige (the chef) had us all in stitches doing his Gordon Ramsay impression. Nige’s impression basically involves slapping the back of his hand and swearing a bit. It was very funny even after the 10th time !!!

Shame the evening couldn’t have gone on longer, but we had to get back for the dogs.

Here’s a photo from the night…..

From left to right, kp, scrappy, kelly, craig (ex-workmate), nigel (chef), milly and terry

On the friday night, kp didn’t sleep AT ALL, so the following day (Saturday), kp was good for ‘nowt, but she did manage to come on the dog walk with me and watch a film on the night time.

Last night, she took 60mg Tamazepam to try and right her clock. Certainly, she slept better, but it leaves her a walking zombie today, but she has to try and stay awake until tonight to get things back how they should be.

So, generally, in good form, staying off the fags, battling through lack of sleep. Keep it up kp.

Bad bad week. Karen can’t go any lower. Things dire. Action needed and action coming.

Monday saw Karen reduce her pain patches down another 25mg, so she is now on 550mg Fentanyl every 3 days.

All was going well until Karen had a visitor in the afternoon (Sue). Now, Sue, I know you read the blog, but please don’t feel bad in ANY way for visiting kp or the chats you had. They were the normal chats you would have had and they just happen to have got Karen thinking about how much things have changed.

So, Sue visited, and kp and Sue had some great conversation just like they used to. Unfortunately, it got Karen thinking about how different things are to how they used to be. Apparently, during the visit, Sue took a phonecall from a work colleague. After Sue left, Karen got really hung up on the fact that she felt Sue would normally have discussed that call with her, but that she hadn’t and Karen took this personally.

kp:- It’s ‘cos she knows I can’t take things in.

I tried to explain that there are 100 reasons why Sue didn’t discuss the call with her, all of them perfectly reasonable explanations and that they had nothing to do with her not taking things in. But she said it didn’t matter anyway and that she can tell she is different to how she was before.

So, this set the bad week in motion. Thankfully, we were due our counselling sessions the following day and we left it on monday as a question to ask the psychologist on the following day. The question in kp’s diary read as follows …..

“How do I come to terms with the changes from what I was before to what I am now ?”

I had done my usual explanation that it’s a bit like grieving and that you have to accept things are how they are before you can deal with them.

Tuesday came and we went to the sessions. My session starts 15 minutes before Karen’s so that I can attend the last 15 minutes of hers (when I am done). So, I walked in from my finished session to find a kp in tears with Jane (kp’s psychologist). Karen had asked the question and Jane was doing her best to explain that Karen understandably had got upset at the thoughts she was having but now was NOT the right time to accept how things were. My bad !!!!

Jane :- I don’t think now is the right time to accept how things are. that time will come but not until we have the sleep under control and the anti-depressants are sorted.

So, it was left that we have an appointment with a Dr Parry (a psychiatrist) (next week) and that he could look into the anti-depressants and the sleep problems. This appointment had been a long time coming, but eventually it got sorted.

We went straight from this appointment to Karen’s physio (I dropped her off). Karen did her usual treadmill and bike training before Steve brought her home for some more home exercises.

Wednesday’s are Karen’s day off and we had planned a (fun fun fun) trip shopping for an upcoming wedding. We went to the Metro Centre and after 2 hours of shopping, Karen got fed up, picked up a blouse and we came home, vowing to make do with an old outfit. The mood was getting worse and worse.

Thursday, we had a medico-legal appointment at the solicitors in Newcastle. Karen’s sleep is still a problem, and with only 2 hours in the sleep bank, she was not really on top form for the mental tests ahead.

It was a neuro-psychological medico-legal appointment. It was a continuation of the one before that had to be split up ‘cos kp was too exhausted. So, we arrived and she went straight in and started the tests. Time passed and after about 90 minutes, the consultant came out with kp and said that Karen wanted to take a short break. We went outside for some fresh air (no fag !!!!) and walked down the street. kp was explaining how the tests were going.

kp (laughing) :- He said some words and I had to remember if he had said those words before. (REALLY LAUGHING). I hadn’t a clue what he was talking about.

It was very unnerving the laughter I heard. I would say it was “delirious laughter”. She was giddy and I couldn’t help but laugh along, whilst I was having worrying thoughts inside. Basically, the tests weren’t going very well and kp would normally get upset, but she was in this weird place…..laughing.

So, we went back and she continued the tests and after about another hour, the consultant came out of the room and asked me to come in, explaining that she was in tears.

And she really was………….

Karen :- How stupid am I ? I can’t do these tests and they’re not hard. (shouting…..) I AM STUPID.

dp :- You’re not stupid love, but these tests are meant to be hard, otherwise they won’t know where your limits are.

At this point, the consultant butted in and did a good explanation…..

The upset continued for about 15 minutes, at which point, the consultant said that we’d leave it there….

kp:- Will I have to come back again ?

Consultant :- I don’t think so….

With an upset kp, we made our way out of the building and went home. She went straight to bed (as did I, comforting her), when we got home. Very sad !

Now, that night, we had a late night and we had one of the BEST chats I can recall, and I seemed to be spouting the purest magic from my mouth. I was saying all the right things, and I didn’t know where it was coming from. it was weird. I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet, but I was marvellous. It was like the best consultants from around the world in every field plus a bit of Oprah Winfrey coming out of the mouth (no american accent though). I really was on fire.

What I said made perfect sense to me and to Karen and we seem to put LOADS of things into perspective. I felt sure I would have got kp back on the right track when she woke up the next day. I would have put a million quid on it !

But, it wasn’t to be and until this day, I am still gobsmacked that it didn’t do the trick. I felt better for hearing my own spiel and even the dogs felt better for hearing it. But, it didn’t seem to help kp and the weird thing is, even Karen would say it was a great talk.

So, Friday was here and kp was still as down as ever (maybe a little better than the previous day) and she went to physio. She did the best physio session (according to kp) that she had ever done. Longer and further (bit like the bionic woman). Normally, I take her to the fitness centre and Steve (physio) brings her back and carries on some work inside the house, but this time, she asked to leave it there. Very unlike kp.

From herein, it was all downhill. Her sleep still to pot, we had a miserable Saturday (yesterday). We tried to keep it busy, walking the dogs, watching tv etc, but kp couldn’t be bothered with life and just wanted to sleep, which of course upsets the following night’s sleep.

I felted the shed roof, getting bitumen all over me and the house carpet. Don’t ask !

Today, kp in tears and really low, just wanting to sleep all the time.

She is in the bath as I type this and she has resolved to leave things until Tuesday when we see Dr parry. The Maffeys (friends from darn sarth) are up in Middlesbrough this week, so we are due to go and see them tomorrow (Bank Holiday Monday), so it will either be just what she needs, or she’ll wake up and say “I don’t want to go“. Fingers crossed for the former and a better week next week.

Another awful week, but with a glimmer of hope for the future.

Monday was a Bank Holiday and we were due to go to see Tracey and Mark (plus Margaret, Megan and Thomas) in Middlesbrough. They were up from Southampton for the week. It’s something we always enjoy doing, meeting up with the Maffey Mob, but alas, and as feared, when kp woke up, she was _really_ low, too low for company. But, she didn’t want to rule a visit out completely, and it was left that she would see how she was later in the day, but things didn’t improve and the day was postponed until later in the week.

Unfortunately, the whole week was one big downer and the Maffey Mob and Pollard Posse get-together wasn’t to be.

Karen felt awful about not going, which made things worse for her (upset-wise). Of course, we were all telling her NOT to feel guilty, but when you’re depressed, (I know from experience), you just tend to see the negatives of everything.

Tuesday was our glimmer of hope. We had a meeting with a Dr Parry in Hexham. He is a psychiatrist. Pretty much the whole session was Dr Parry getting to know kp. The purpose was twofold……

1. To resolve the depression
2. To resolve the sleep problems

We were keen for a solution to both.

Mr Parry felt that before we can tackle the sleep problem, we need to solve the depression first, as that could well sort the sleep problem out. It wasn’t what we wanted to hear, but what he was saying felt right. The outcome of the session was an increase in kp’s anti-depressant medication, which she started as soon as she got home.

We had resigned ourselves to treading water, allowing time to pass for the medication to do it’s thing and get kp back on the right tracks.

kp was due to attend a physio session in the afternoon, but because of the timings of the Dr Parry meeting had to cancel.

Wednesay and Karen had planned to get her hair and nails done ready for Christopher’s (Karen’s nephew) wedding yesterday (Saturday). Normally, she enjoys the pamper, but it was more a functional experience than a pleasurable one.

Wednesday night and Karen had her first good night’s sleep for as long as we can remember. I’d have to consult the blog to see exactly when it was, but it feels like a _LONG_ time ago !! She got EIGHT hours sleep with a couple of loo trips. That’s awesome (for kp).

Thursday, Joanne (physio assistant) came to massage Karen’s left (stroke-side) arm with a view to desensitizing it. A light touch on kp’s arm results in her reacting like you have stabbed a needle in. It’s hypersensitive, so this massaging is supposed to be improving that. I would say it’s working, because when I put the morphine patches on, the reaction I get is SO much better than it was !!

In the afternoon, I had a doctor’s appointment to get the results of some blood tests that I had had done. Basically, with a change of lifestyle, I wanted to see my chlorestrol before the change and a few months down the line. My chlorestrol is 6.4 and last time I had it done (couple of years ago) it was 6.9, so I was pleased at that. I am still off the fags and all the associated patches etc, so am really pleased at that too. The doctor put all the facts (my weight/height, chlorestrol etc etc in his computer and I have a 13% chance of heart disease, which I was amazed at. I thought it would be more like 40-50%. If I can stay a non-smoker, then it will halve again. So, quite a nice incentive.

Following the doctor’s appointment, we had an appointment with the anti-smoking lady. Unfortunately, and understandably, kp has succumbed to the fags, and I don’t blame her one bit. Now is NOT the time for kp to give up. She needs every pleasure she can get, but she DOES still want to quit and once her mood is ok, she’ll get back on track. Well done for the 2 weeks you DID give up love !!!

Friday and we had an appointment I can’t discuss followed by physio.

Saturday was Christopher’s wedding. Karen wasn’t in a fit state to go, she was far far too low, but she desperately didn’t want to let Chris down, so she forced herself to go. She was “fine” through the service until his name was read out and then she had to choke the tears back. She kept herself ok though. Once we arrived at the place where the reception was, she looked like a deer caught in some headlights (wide open eyes). No sooner had she sat down and I asked “was everything ok ?” than she broke down. The whole thing had been too much for her.

She couldn’t stop the tears, but managed to keep the sobbing very quiet. Unfortunately, Chris (the groom) saw she was upset, which I think, got him upset, which got kp even more upset because she had “spoilt his day” (in her eyes).

I tried to explain that Chris would have just been glad you had managed to come to the main part, but nothing I said would stop the agony she was going through.

We got her to the car and I drove home. She cried herself to sleep in the car. As soon as we got home, we both went to bed and I cuddled her as she went to sleep again.

She still felt very guilty, but the change of environment with being at home, made things a lot better.

It was a subdued night.

Today, we walked the dogs and her mood was 3/10 which is MUCH better than it’s been this past week.

So, the good news is, that since wednesday, every night has been better sleep, so fingers crossed, with more sleep and if the increased anti-depressant tablets work, things should and WILL improve.

Watch this space…..

Fingers crossed

Love you kp

xxxxx

Things still bad.

Mood  – Rock Bottom
Sleep – To Pot
Pain  – Generally ok, but slight hiccup.

Sunday night (after last week’s blog) saw Karen get quite a lot of pain in her right hip. At one point we were close to going to the hospital, but we agreed to leave it until the morning and it turned out to be the right thing to do, as come Monday morning, although it wasn’t gone, it was better.

The highlight of Monday was a plumber attending to fit a water meter, apart from that, it was uneventful.

Tuesday and it was physio for kp. kp hasn’t been in the mood for physio recently, but has forced herself to go. She normally loves it and it’s the highlight of her week, but not this week.

On Karen’s day off (wednesday), Syd came (her case manager). It didn’t help kp’s mood.

Thursday and Joanne came to work on Karen’s left arm. Karen remained subdued. Towards the end of the day, she felt she was getting slightly better, but then suicidal thoughts during the night saw her mood return to rock bottom.

Friday and it was physio again and we took the dogs to the vets in the afternoon to get their boosters done and to get a limp, that Elsa has, looked at.

This weekend saw some incredibly heavy rain. kp wasn’t in the mood for going out at all, and probably just as well, ‘cos the bridge we normally cross was flooded….

Yesterday and today, I walked the dogs, but kp did manage to come shopping with me.

So, not a good time at the moment in the Pollard household.

As usual, fingers crossed, that her mood can only get better. Some good news is that there has been lots and lots of applications for her support worker. I feel sure that her mood will pick up when she becomes active, something the support worker will help kp achieve.

Watch this space…..

I am sorry this must make for depressing reading. I wouldn’t have thought things could have got worse, but they have.

Sunday night saw Elsa get very poorly. Elsa is one of our 2 German Shepherds. Bonnie is the rough and loud one, Elsa is the meek, puppy dog eyes one who has a face to die for. So, when something is wrong with Elsa, you feel very sorry for her, because she has THAT look !

Karen :- If anything happens to Elsa, I don’t know how I will cope

I was really concerned, because kp is so low, and it would be just our luck for something to happen.

German Shepherds are known for their weak backends, and Elsa (at 8 years old) has a weak backend, but nothing that stops her enjoying her walks etc etc…..Unfortunately, she had done something to her front left leg which meant she couldn’t put ANY weight on it all. With a weak backend, she was having problems walking AT ALL. We very nearly called the emergency vet out (it was that bad). But given monday morning was only 12 hours away, we thought she could hang on until then. We took her for the first free appointment and they asked us to bring her back the next day for x-rays. We felt somewhat reassured.

The following day she had the x-rays and we went to pick her up. The vet explained that there was no break and although there was a black area which could indicate bone cancer (Her blood sister Cleo had bone cancer) that they weren’t worried about that. What was clear was that she had bad arthritis in her elbow. With tablets and some antibiotics for a temperature, we took her home.

Thankfully, by the end of the week, she was like a new dog and she is so much better. The bad news, Bonnie is now bad.

She was a bit subdued yesterday, and today she has been off food (UNBELIEVABLE for Bonnie) and wasn’t really fussed with the walk.

We went for an afternoon snooze and when we got up, we were greeted by a pool of blood (which we think has come out of her backend).

So, vets again tomorrow. What’s weird is that both dogs have been fine for years (no vets visits). Because we are going away soon and they are staying at a new kennels, we had to get them vaccinated, and all of this has happened within a week of the vaccination. Probably coincidence, but a bit weird !!!

Back to kp. Needless to say, that none of this helped the kp situation, but things weren’t heading in the right direction anyway !

There is _some_ good news. kp is doing BRILLIANTLY at dropping down her medications. She has got Tamazepam (highly addictive sleeping tablet) down to 10mg per night (down from 40-60mg per night)). PLUS !!! Her opiate-based pain patches (Fentanyl) are down from 600mg to 525mg. Interestingly, we did go down to 525mg before, but we did so in a sudden decrease and kp couldn’t tolerate the pain, whereas this time it has been VERY gradual, probably taking 2-3 months to get down to 525mg. So WELL DONE kp !!

So, what’s happened this week….(apart from the vets trips)….

Monday and it was a MDT (Multi-disciplinary team) meeting. This was one where the lawyers weren’t there, just all the health professionals.

That went well, and it was clear that kp was still making good progress !

She had 10 hours sleep the night before, so things bode well.

Monday night and kp had an awful nightmare. She occasionally has humdingers of nightmares, and this was one of those. It takes a lot to wake me, but kp was screaming…..

kp:- Stop It, Stop it STOP IT !!!!!!!!! (really sobbing). David, they’re torturing me, they’re torturing ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

And she just kept repeating similar things. Now, when I wake up to this, I, of course, immediately try and get her awake, but I just couldn’t ! She was locked in this dreaming sleep mode. It was quite frightening and upsetting. I was REALLY shouting to try and get her awake but in the end, I had to shout louder than her and it woke her up. For about 45 minutes, we talked about other things to try and calm her down. It was awful.

I am pleased to say it was the only nightmare this week. kp does a lot of sleep talking (which she never used to do, bizarrely) in her sleep as well, so I have bought a voice-activated digital tape recorder to record some of these episodes so I can play them to Karen. I have tried it out for the last few sleeps, and although I have plenty of snoring, I only have one episode of sleep talking and not a very good one at that. But, as soon as I have a good one, I’ll post it on t’blog.

Tuesday was the day Karen had another HiMat assessment. It’s a physio thing, where they record various activities and time them. I can’t remember the scores specifically, but I do know it was an improved score on the last HiMat assessment, which is great.

The further along the week went, the worse kp’s sleep went. An example would be Tuesday when kp went to sleep from 1am to 2am, 7-9.30am. So, that’s 3.5 hours sleep. It makes for such a horrid life for her ! Wednesday was her day off, and she did nowt but watch TV, despite me trying to do my support worker stint (in the absence of a real one) and motivate her.

Thursday, Joanne (physio) came to loosen kp’s left arm and shoulder and then we both went to see our psychologists.  I go into mine first so I can join Karen’s for the last 15 minutes. Mine went great and we are now putting them on hold until I feel I need another one. I feel very positive (despite everything going on) and in a good position to support kp, which is great and a lot of it is down to these sessions, so money well spent !! When I joined kp’s session, things were very different. kp was upset, and neither of us can remember what about. There were lots of tears on the way home too, and I do remember we went to sleep hugging each other and woke up still hugging, but that’s all I remember !

Friday and another physio session with Steve.

The weekend has been pretty awful. Despite my best motivational efforts, kp has done only 1 dog walk with me and that’s all she has done (aside watch TV). She is even worse (mood-wise) than last week and there have been a few tears.

She did have a couple of glimmers at some point during the week, where there was a bit of positivity. We are both hoping that there will be a few more.

She is so desperate for the sleep to be sorted, and I feel sure if she could be on top of the sleep, then things would improve ! We have a plan anyway. She is going to take 40mg Tamazepam at 3am this morning (monday) and that should get her to sleep. I’ll get her up and we have arranged a full day and hopefully that will correct her sleeping pattern. We are then going to keep her busy each day.

As always…………..Fingers crossed !

Hell and back – that’s where kp (and I) have been this week.

Monday and kp wanted to “end it all”.

Lack of sleep and severe depression had pushed kp to the very edge and it was time to “leave all this shit” (kp’s words).

Normally, I can lighten things up and swerve kp in a certain direction of thinking, but not this time.

We both sat on the sofa for a couple of hours, kp in tears and me VERY close, just hugging her. She felt she couldn’t carry on any more.

There was only one person I felt could help……..Pip.

Pip is a neuropsychologist who has done wonders for kp in the past, and without fail, has always been able to pull kp up from the lowest of slumps. She is my “joker in the pack”. And I needed to play it now. While kp was out of the room, I rang her but only got a voicemail, so I started leaving a message. Before I had got out the full message, I was crying like a baby.

I was so upset I had forgot to leave a contact number, so left it a few mins to compose myself and then still bawled out the phone number when I phoned back.

By this time, it was after 5pm, so I wasn’t expecting a return call from Pip, yet we still needed help.

So, at about 5pm I phoned Syd, Karen’s case manager. He was great. He said to “hang in there”, and he would be here in a couple of hours.

I was very pleased to have some help on the way, although to be fair, I didn’t think Syd would be able to “do a Pip”.

Syd came and within a couple of hours, he had said a few things which Karen later said had made “something click” in her.

Thank the Lord for clicks !!

And well done Syd. I don’t know where we’d be without you now.

The night only got a little better after Syd had gone, things were still bad, but the real improvements came over the next few days.

It’s an early blog this week, but already the air feels lighter and STOP THE PRESS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Karen has had 12 hours and 11 hours sleep for the last 2 nights respectively with no extra sleeping tablets or anything !!! We can’t believe it and we don’t want to tempt fate by overanalysing it, but we have no idea why it’s suddenly improved !!

So, her mood is still lower than normal, but 10x better than monday !! And with her sleep improved, things are looking positive (touch wood!).

So, that’s the week so far.

So, the rest of the facts this week….

Monday, Rachel (and Charlotte) came to do some OT stuff with kp. This is the day when it all kicked off and kp wanted to end it. It was very awkward when they were here, because getting conversation out of kp was like drilling for water in a stone ie bloody hard work. I took Bonnie to the vets in the afternoon.

Tuesday and another trip to the vets with kp attending Physio in the afternoon.
Wednesday was kp’s day off, but she still got a lot done. She made a Lasagne and it was lovely, walked the dogs (with me) and something else which I have forgot.

Today has been another positive day. Joanne came and loosened kp’s left shoulder up. I am back on the fags (yay!) and I think that has boosted kp’s mood (kp would disagree), but I personally think she missed all the little 5 minutes we had together during the day.

So, from monday hell to a lovely light-feeling thursday, things are looking up.

Watch this space !

We are going for a week in Spain from this Saturday so hopefully that will improve things further. Big thanks to Marie who is house/dog-sitting while we’re away. Thanks Marie !!

Early start. 2am for a 6am flight.

After delay of 30 mins while engineers fixed a fault with the plane we taxied off only to get 100m for the fault to recur and had to taxi back to gate. Lovely flight apart from that.

Arrived safely at the hotel despite a near miss in the car. Someone, the woman looked British, was in the right lane and came into my lane without looking. Karen got very slightly upset but did a really good job of calming herself with the diagphram breathing she had been taught. Well done love!

The hotel was built in 1961 and we think the last time any work was donevto it was 1961!

But the staff are friendly and aside from an ant infestation in the room it does the job. We had researched the hotel before we left and knew to ask for a room in the Annex as it was a lot newer/nicer. Sadly it’s up too many steps so we are sticking with the hotel main building.

First afternoon has just been a sleep catchup.

When kp wakes up we’ll to for a meal. Will add some fotos later in the week.

Forgot to say a little funny that happened yesterday. We were trying to find the room when we arrived and we were looking in the wrong part of the part of the hotel. The porter caught us and said to me that we need to go back to reception and ask for a room in this part of the hotel as there would be too many steps to our original room for me and my “mother”!

We both laughed at this. A week ago Karen would have been knocked back by this but I believe that is a sign of Karen’s improving mood that she saw the funny side of it. We put it down to poor English.

Nice meal last night in a restaurant close to the hotel. Today we went on a walk to get our bearings and a map. We have also made a few plans for the rest of the week.

A day out to Gibraltar, marbella, rhonda and possibly Almeria. Oh, and Granada.

So quite a busy week.

The ant problem got to Karen overnight. So we asked reception to do something about it.

Today we walked round the lovely marina and had a late breakfast.

Weather, as you’d expect is gorgeous.

We are chilling now before dining tonight.

So far so good!

What a cracking day we have had today ! Karen was all smiles and it was worth the wait and lovely to see!!

The reason was……..our day out to Gibraltar. The photos will be at the bottom of this blog entry.

Today we made the 90 minute journey and the subsequent 20 minute wait to pass through border control onto the British soil of Gibraltar!

The plan was to take the cable car up the rock and see the views and the monkeys. By chance we were accosted by the hard sell of a minibus tour instead and normally we just say NO to such approaches but we were so glad we said Yes! We saw sights that would have been beyond the reach of Karen probably more than most cable car people would see.

Our first stop was the Hercules column. From here there were some great views of the ships waiting to dock. Then to St Michael’s caves for a bit of welcome cool. Then to the top of the rock and the monkeys. Finally the Siege tunnels. The whole thing was an unforgettable experience. The photos say it all !

Cracking day!

The last photo is the botannical gardens.

A good night to cap a great day.

We went for a stroll along the marina and had a lovely meal. And just as we were finishing the entertainment arrived in the form of a young Geordie lass and her entourage.

Having just been thrown out of another restaurant for being too loud, it was our fortune that she sat on the next table to us.

Well, she genuinely was entertaining. She was loud and lary. Our favourite line and bear in mind the context of our position next to £100,000+ yachts with very rich people eating food and drinking wine onboard…..

Her boyfriend (and I’ll try and do the accent) :- “Dya want 6 pieces of pizza ?”
Loud Geordie Lass :- “I’m not a fat c@@t ya nar !!

Proud to be British !

Forgot to mention that kp was a bit annoyed yesterday because she couldn’t take a photo with my new phone. If she holds it with her left hand she covers up the camera hole. Even I do it a bit (as can be seen by the photos). She is starting to get a bit annoyed at each photo being of her and REALLY was annoyed that she couldn’t take a photo of me with a monkey on my head especially as she had suggested we buy a real camera at the airport. Yikes!

So it’s Tuesday morning and p@ssing down! Just waiting for Karen to wake. Her sleep has dipped a bit from the highs of last week so she is up quite a bit of the night.

After the torrential rain, we went to a lovely park Sue McKie had suggested. On the plus side it really was a lovely park, with rabbits running wild, chicken, cocks, peacocks and the best entertainment was the Ginger cat trying to catch the pigeons, which he never did.

Picture of kp in the park at the bottom.

The downside of the park was the distance from the hotel which I had underestimated and that it was down a big hill and up a big hill there and back! Kp was in a lot of pain when we got back! She wasn’t keen about leaving the room for dinner even and there us no room service! But she battled through it ad she does and she was glad she did as we had a lovely meal,

Lovely weather today in Benalmadena.

We had planned to go to Mijas and en route was the cablecar to the mountain top which we stopped off at. Well worth the £10er each. The views were spectacular and probably not done justice by the attached photos.

It was noticeably colder and windier at the top. Probably 1000m above where we got in the cablecar! At the top were the most amazing views. They also did a falconry display and although we didn’t stay for it as our day was too packed to wait 45mins we did see the amazing birds. Well a few of them! A huge owl, great eagle, vulture etc …

Very impressive!

The cablecar people were great and slowed the whole thing down for kp to get in and out!

Cablecar done we headed the scenic route to Mijas. It really was a beautiful place! Photos attached!

Now, the day had been quite packed so far (perhaps we were overdoing it) and kp was really flagging when she got back. We had just enough time for her to have a bath before we went to the Andalucian horse show. It was a bit of a rush but we made it. The horse show (kp’s choice) was amazing but far too long. Once you have seen a horse walk sideways, walk in a circle on its hind legs backwards a couple of times, that’s enough. 1.5 hours is too much. Don’t get me wrong it really was amazing, but looong!

It was 8pm when we got back and kp was in a LOT of pain and we were both hungry. So as soon as we were changed we headed to a nearby restaurant. We got 9/10th’s of the way and as soon as we could smell the food’ kp felt nauseous …. Really nauseous. She was going to be sick (in our heads) so we got off the busy pedestrian sea walk and went on the beach and sat on a rock as kp composed herself.

Kp :- “I just need to get back to the bedroom”

We made it back with no vomit trails but a kp feeling VERY rough. We think it was the morphine,diclofenac,codeine cocktail she had before we went out that did it.

So…..we had both just had a bacon sandwich for breakfast all day but were just glad that she was back in the room in 1 piece!

So, good day overall, but an unfortunate ending.

Last day of good weather tomorrow so we were hoping to go to Ronda, but we will have to see.

Fingers crossed….tomorrow she feels better!

Weather not too clever. Rain until 3pm which was a shame ‘cos we has planned to go to Ronda.

90 mins each way meant we had to call it off. So the day was spent with me reading and Karen resting her body, mind & soul.

Once the sun came out we went for a nice walk. Kp found a new collapsible walking stick purchase that she made.

And we did The Slut. Or as it’s more commonly known – Pizza Hut!

Nice change and the best Pizza!

Karen’s sleep is all to pot at the moment. I woke up in the middle of the night to find kp sitting on a closed loo reading her magazine ‘cos she didn’t want to put the bedside light on. Thanks love!

Tomorrow Karen has booked a massage and we are going to go to the hydropool as the forecast is bad.

We are still enjoying ourselves despite the weather.

Weather forecast was mostly wrong. Glorious day on the whole with one nice exception.

Thinking the day was going to be a write-off, Karen took a big dose of sleeping tablets to try and get a good sleep (50mg tamazepam) which did its trick but we knew it would leave the morning as a lost cause. How annoying to find that it was glorious and we couldn’t do the Ronda trip or the Marbella people-watching trip but we still had a great day!

I got Karen up at 11am and went to get her a tea and croissant, which she was very impressed with. Good husband points rolled in!

She had a massage booked for 12pm so we ambled down for that. She has overdone it quite a bit on the holiday so a bit of pamper time was well-needed.

We both went in the health spa after and were the only ones in so we really enjoyed all of its facilities.

Then, a lovely walk to the Marina where we fed the fish and had a sit down.

Once back to the hotel, we had a drink in the sun, feeding the hotel cat, before going for a snooze. The weirdest thing happened whilst we were outside. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky within a 5-mile radius and it started raining, everyone was bemused. It was quite refreshing and a joy to watch the others (probably not Brits) run for cover! Well, I say run. The average age at the Hotel Triton is probably 76, so more shuffling than running.

That’s a first for me, weather-wise so I was pleased at that.

Home tomorrow. Had a text from Marie to say she had broken her arm. no detail as to how. Yikes!

…….with a meal at American Jacks and kp managed to get a photo of me. At the last minute I realised I wasn’t going to be in it hence the ducking posture!

But I made it !

Good holiday, but always great to be back and see the dogs ! (Thanks Marie)

I used a little plugin on my phone to do the blog while away, but I notice it has made it so that you can’t see the photo of Karen with the monkey on her head. My favourite !

To see this photo, you need to click on September 2008 (on the right) and then because that page is in date order, scroll towards the bottom and look at the start of the holiday.

Actually, I’ll put it up again, ‘cos it’s my favourite and it was quite small before…..Found 2, so here they are…

dp

Well, the holiday did kp the world of good, although I think she was already on the up the week before the hols.

On the monday following the holiday, kp and Patti had lined up some interviews for Karen’s new support worker. The plan was to get 2 to cover 56 hours of support. I think there were about 9 interviews.

A good sleep the night before would have helped, but sleep still remains the biggest issue at the moment. And unfortunately, Karen had had ZERO sleep by the time I got up at 7.30am to help her get ready. She was absolutely knackered. I did some quick calculations and worked out she could have 45 minutes and she snapped at it. That’s the sleep for Sunday.

She was very worried when she got up that she would fall asleep during the interviews, but I think the adrenalin of the day kept her going.

The interviews went very well ! Karen used to be a manager and has interviewed MANY many times before and she was pleased that the core skills are still there. What really made her day was that Patti (who runs the company that employ the support workers) said something like …. “We think very alike”….

I think what had happened is that when there was someone who wasn’t suitable, Karen had only asked a few of her questions and then said to Patti….

kp:- “I think that’s all my questions done…”

Pattie was on the same wavelength and knew what she meant. And that’s where the “We think very alike” came from. I can’t tell you how good this made Karen feel. I (and others) keep telling her she hasn’t lost the core Karen, but to get confirmation from Patti (someone official) meant a lot to Karen and it 100% boosted her confidence.

I rang at lunchtime, and spookily, kp was ringing me at exactly the same time ! There was noone suitable so far !

But, by the end of the afternoon, they were spoilt for choice. They recruited two people (Laura and Sharon), but unfortunately, later in the week, Sharon declined the post, worried that she didn’t have the confidence to do it. But, Laura seems great from what kp has said, and she has subsequently been offered more hours which she is pleased at, making her full-time and the balance of the hours is going to another lady called Judith who specialises in fitness so it has all worked out really well.

That was monday.

Tuesday and Karen dropped her Gabapentin dose from 1800 a day to 1500. Couple this with the morphine patches down to 500 (as of Friday), plus Tamazepam down to 5mg from 60 at the peak, she is doing awesome !!

On Tuesday, I also took kp to her physio session with Steve at the local Fitness Centre. That went very well apparently.

kp was desperate for sleep on Tuesday night, so took some Zopiclone (it’s not addictive like tamazepam) and 2 of them saw her get 7 hours.

To give you an idea how bad her sleep is, here is a sleep chart we prepared for Dr Parry’s appointment on Wednesday….

The Dr Parry appointment went really well. kp was very anxious to get some movement on the sleep issues now her depressions seems to be lifting. And she got it. He is starting her on another anti-depressant (as well as the Venlafaxine) but not so much for it’s anti-depressant qualities. He explained that it had 2 other properties, one was a sedative effect and the other a calming effect. She started it on the wednesday night (on a low dose (25mg)) and it didn’t help, but on friday this got upped to 50mg and there’s a LITTLE more evidence it’s working, but it may need to go up higher.

Thursday and Joanne (physio) came to help loosen kp’s left shoulder and we also went to see Jane at the Lansdowne Clinic for kp’s psychological counselling and that went very well. Wednesday’s is Karen’s day off from rehab and this got reinforced as the right way forward.

Friday saw Charlotte (an OT helper) come. She is filling in while we wait for the Support Workers to start. Together, kp and Charlotte put up some curtains, something kp has been wanting to do for AGES !

Saturday and the weather was treacherous and we had planned to meet up with Mum, Dad, Jane, Guy and the kids at the Highwayman Inn near Kirkby Lonsdale. The winds were howling and the heavens were opening and kp (and I) had a scary 2 hour journey to this wonderful pub !!

kp was very relieved to get there in 1 piece. What a cracking pub. The food was awesome and we all had lovely meals ! Despite all the noise, kp didn’t find it too overwhelming, which is good, because in the past when she was on a low ebb, that would have been too much. So, that’s another positive !

Here’s Jamie and Sophie at the pub.

Last night’s sleep was another bad one, and I think she came in at about 4/5am. It’s 11.36am now, so I’ll get her up soon to walk the dogs.

Having to do this from my phone as we have no Internet.

A good week with up in the up and up !

Main issue now is sleep, but despite it still being to pot, she remains upbeat.

Monday,and Laura (one of the new supprt workers) attended to go for a drive with kp to be sure that kp felt safe with her.I sat in the back. There was absolutely no problem with her driving and kp felt very safe. It was my first opportunity to meet her, and she is just what kp needs, friendly, caring and should be a real asset.

Monday afternoon saw rachel (the OT) attend for a big catchup session.

Tuesday was Physio with Steve. A good session by all accounts and kp started doing some work on the cross-trainer kind of machines as well as beating her endurance record on the treadmill and bicycle. Well done kp.

Wednesday was the day off and she and Adele planned some future interior improvements.

Thursday, joanne (Physio) came to do the shoulder-loosening exercises/massage. There’s a big improvement on her left shoulder because of all joanne’s work, so that’s great.

Thursday afternoon and I took kp to see jane at the Lansdowne Clinic. A very good session with kp leaving very upbeat and with definite goals ahead which she is very pleased at. One of the things which was discussed was that Karen would like to to and see her friend in London (veronica aka vd). The idea would be that veronica and I would work together to make it as safe as possible. I would put her on the train and see her off and vd would be on the platform to greet her off the train. Kp mentioned this to jane and jane was understandably concerned that this is a big leap. To fill the gap while we wait for laura to start we have a new support worker that we can call upon from time to time so the current plan is to call upon her (michelle) to make the journey with kp. Another possibility is to do a joint trip to somewhere more local (like York) abdcwirkcupto Karen doing the London trip on her own. This would be fine as long as the train had no problems. But if there were any problems then kp would be in very vulnerable position which is best avoided.

Friday saw another Physio session and this time kp was trampolinig. Charlotte (ot assistant) came in the afternoon and helpedvkp put some curtains up. Syd the case manager came in the afternoon with a temporary support worker (michelle) for kp to meet. We had a good catchup with Syd who was pleased with how well kp was doing.

Saturday was the usual dog walk, tv catchup, pizza and the x factor.

Sunday (today) was a beautiful day and we had a lovely dog walk. Kp caught up with some sleep in the afternoon. Tonight we are going to see the Eva Cassidy Story at sunderland empire so that will be a nice change

Busy week this week, with a real dip (but not in mood).

I went to Lancashire on Monday for an all-day trip to attend the funeral of one of my friends’ mum (Marie Brockbank). To ensure Karen was covered, one of the temporary support workers (Michelle) came for the day and took Karen to Boundary Mill to buy some earthenware. Something she has been keen to do for a while.

I enjoyed the day in Lancashire; meeting up with Marie’s family was a big trip down memory lane for me and it was good to be able to see all my old friends.

Karen enjoyed her trip out with Michelle. She told me that she is a really good support worker and she is well on the way to knowing what a Support Worker should be doing. It is quite amazing that Karen stayed awake all day, as she had only gone to sleep at 6am, until 8am !!

The following day we had arranged to meet up with Marie (kp’s sister). Regularly blog readers may recall that Marie had a dog called Strike (lurcher). It escaped out of a first floor window and wasn’t seen for a couple of months. Well, the other week, someone left it tied to a fence on a main road and rang it in anonymously to the RSPCA. The RSPCA picked the dog up and have cared for it since they picked it up. It had been mistreated. Because it was tagged, they let Marie know that he had been found. In the meantime, Marie had took in another dog from the RSPCA called Tye.

So, she is now in a position where she wants both dogs, so we went over to help her introduce the 2 dogs together at the RSCPA centre at Great Ayton. Unfortunately, when we got there, it was all shut up with a note saying they were understaffed and so couldn’t open today

So, we headed home where Steve (Physio) was visiting for kp’s physio session. We also went to the local doctor’s to get him upto date with kp’s medication and get the repeat prescription rejigged. He was well pleased at how well kp was coming off the medication, which was good to hear (from another official source).

Wednesday’s are Karen’s day off and we try and keep them clear of appointments, but Dr Yellowlees wanted to see Karen to see how she was doing. His secretary had sent a letter (which arrived on Saturday), informing us of an appointment on the Wednesday. It was for 5.30pm in Hexham. Well, we try and avoid rush-hour trips and driving in poor lights as kp gets too anxious, so I rang to postpone the appointment. The letter specifically said to ring if there was a problem. Well, by the time Wednesday lunchtime came, I had rung 11 times without any reply. I had left 2 messages and sent at least one email, but no reply. Karen didn’t want to go, but I thought it the honourable thing to still attend and kp reluctantly agreed to come along.

When we arrived, we sat in the waiting area and waited. We waited about 20 minutes, before someone noticed us and asked what we were here for (as the Day Treatment Centre was now closed). We explained. She looked a little concerned. I got bad vibes. 5 minutes later, Dr Yellowlees appeared. He was surprised we were here and explained that he’s normally somewhere else on a Wednesday and wasn’t expecting anyone, but had come for another patient. He asked to see the appointment letter and was a little miffed at his secretary. Had he not been there, I think Karen would have killed me and I would have blown a gasket.

Dr Yellowlees is great and we had a really good chat with him. He was also pleased about kp’s medication reductions and instructed her to carry on the slow, but steady reduction. The best bit was that he discussed her sleeping problem, and he is of the opinion that there is a good chance kp is suffering from sleep apnoea. When he explained the symptoms, we literally ticked them off one by one, she had all of them !! Jane (Karen’s psychologist) had also mentioned this as a possibility, so a theme was coming through here !

We since did some research on Sleep Apnoea and it absolutely fits the bill…..

When you go to a Sleep Clinic, they ask you things like…..

Well, kp does both of the above !!!

And as for symptoms, here is a clip from the NHS website…..

Obviously, I can’t comment on the last one, but the rest are all definitely ticks….

Here are some risk factors for Sleep Apnoea

…. and what drew our attention is the last one. Early blog entries mention kp with a Grade 4 Larynx (the trickiest one), so this may also be an indicator.

So, we may finally have a diagnosis that is spot on !!! Dr Yellowlees is going to have a conference call with Jane (Psychologist) and Dr Parry (Psychiatrist) to discuss further.

Fingers crossed !!

The following day (Thursday), Michelle (temporary Support Worker) came to take Karen to see Joanne (physio) for her left shoulder work.

She brought her back and we just had time for a cup of tea before Judith arrived. Judith is another of the people Karen interviewed for her new Support Worker posts. She was coming to ensure Karen felt comfortable with her driving.

On Friday, we went over to Great Ayton RSPCA again to try the dog introductions. The first visit (which we didn’t attend with her), didn’t go brilliantly apparently, but this time, it did and they got on great and the RSPCS have ok’ed them being together. So, understandably the RSPCA didn’t want both dogs in the same car boot so early on, so Marie is going to pick Strike up sometime in the next week.

From Great Ayton, we dropped Marie, Louisa and Tye back off at Marie’s and then went to pick Adele up and I dropped them both off in town where they shopped around Middlesbrough.

Whilst they were shopping, I went to pick Ethan up (10 year old great nephew) as we had promised we would have him for the night. I took him to Toys’r'us to get his birthday present. Crikey, he knows how to shop ! We went to Toys’r'us, Game and Argos. We ended up with a football, a football pump and some Harry Potter game. He was happy.

From there, we went to pick up Adele and Karen and returned Adele home, before coming home ourselves. He wanted to stop for a Big Mac which we did. And as soon as we were home, he was on the Playstation.

It’s amazing what effect a kid has on the Pollard household. We are not mentally prepared for the hurricane that is Ethan. He constantly talks. kp and I might be talking about something and he’ll shout out ….

Ethan :- “David, LOOK AT THIS !”

as he hotwires a car and drives over a ramp

Ethan :- “How cools is that”

We will try and restartup the conversation before there is another round of….

Ethan :- “David, LOOK AT THIS !”

We don’t know if we are coming or going.

Whilst he is amused by the Platstation, I got kp in the bath and when he knew she was in the bath, he wanted a bath (‘cos he likes the Jacuzzi bit).

Here he is with a little too many bubbles.

Because he is frightened of the dogs, he wants me to sleep with him. But, he doesn’t really know what sleep is. Sleep is shutting your eyes and shutting up and GOING TO sleep. Not for Ethan. It means incessant chatter. To be fair, we had a really good chat and I quizzed him on his Maths Skills, English, History (which he is very good at), Geography, and Religious Education. Bright lad ! “Needs to learn the meaning of silence and the importance of it pre-sleep” would be my teacher’s report.

The following day at 7.30am (!!) Ethan woke up and the chatter continued. kp wasn’t feeling too well, but we didn’t think anything of it at the time. Ethan was straight on the Playstation and I was happy with that, as I hoped it would pass the time until kp was ready to walk the dogs with us. But, she felt even worse later on (hot/cold sweats). So, Ethan and I walked the dogs (although he wasn’t too keen). Now, when I walk the dogs, I am ready in 5 minutes tops ! Ethan (and apparently most kids now) are very self-conscious. He spent 5 minutes spitting on a comb and getting his hair just right !!! I kid you not ! FIVE minutes for a boy !!

And then he admired his “abs” for 30 seconds.

Ethan :- Punch me here David !

David :- Come on, hurry up, you’re worse than a woman at getting ready.

The dogs were having kittens desperate to get going.

Eventually, we made it on the walk. Here is Ethan up a tree !!

When we got back, kp was worse and didn’t want any breakfast, she just wanted to stay in bed. I was concerned, but too pre-occupied with keeping Ethan amused.

After we had had breakfast and a bit more Playstation, it was time to take Ethan back.

When I got home, kp was in a right state. She felt cold, but sweating buckets, her pyjama tops were LITERALLY wringing wet through with sweat and her hair looked like she had been in the shower. She couldn’t relax and was constantly jittery, describing her stomach as churning inside out. She moved her arms and legs involuntary constantly and was very agitated. She was also very confused. She was convinced Kath (one of her Aunty-type relatives) had murdered someone on a train with an axe. I was VERY concerned and was straight on to NHS direct. I did all their questions and they said a nurse would get back to me within 2 hours. But things got worse, so I phoned the local doctor and after following an automated system, I got put through to NHS direct (AGAIN!). When I explained the symptoms, and that I had rung before, they put me straight through to a nurse.

I then had to go another 20 questions. Whilst I was answering all the questions, Karen was shouting….

kp:- It feels like “Cold Turkey”.

Then it dawned on us, that we hadn’t changed her patches the night before (morphine-based Fentanyl) patches. She is down to 500mg so 2 patches is nearly half the patches. Throw into the mix, that one of the patches on her back had come off, PLUS another was a bit faulty and we had to cut a bit off, she was undergoing withdrawal symptoms. kp was absolutely convinced of it. Before this dawned on us, I was instantly thinking….

dp thinking :- “Right, this is the end, this is her Endocrine System shutting down etc etc…”

Silly me in hindsight, Anyway, I think kp was spot on. We tried to explain this to the nurse, but she had to go through her questions.

Eventually, she thought it could be that, but it could also be other things and said we should go to A+E just to be sure. Well, kp wasn’t having that, she was sure it was withdrawal.

So, with that in mind, Doctor Pollard prescribed a 10mg Morphine Tablet for the speed in which it would kick in , and we redid all the patches which we had missed. And within 90 minutes, she was feeling a bit better. The worst remaining symptom was that she was still convinced that Kathleen had murdered someone and she was very disturbed by this. Shortly after that, she decided that she just wanted to get “out of it” and took at 20mg Tamazepam and went to sleep for the night – And although she got up for an hour, she slept the rest of the night.

Today, Sunday, she feels a lot better. Which is a big relief !

She has took it easy, which was the right thing to do and we are going to do our Pizza Night with XFactor tonight.

So, busy and interesting week and another busy one coming up.

Her mood is still up, her pain is in control. In fact, that is ONE good thing about the Cold Turkey she experienced. She wasn’t in any pelvic pain. This bodes well. It’s hard to work out what level of morphine she went down to because of all the patch issues, but I estimate she was probably at about 200-250 (instead of 500). Which (in theory), should mean that she should be able to get down to that level and beyond. Dr Yellowlees had said she MAY be able to come off morphine altogether which would be awesome.

kp and I have been talking about this today. Noone else is ever on such high doses of Fentanyl. The doctors always do a double take when we say her Fentanyl levels to them. Another good example was Adam’s mum Marie. For her pain she was on 25mg Fentanyl Patch and when Adam upped it to 50mg, it floored her. Now, Karen seems not to need the high dose any more, so why did she need it back then. What I think has happened is that for the first year (when the doses were going up and up), kp has been walking on a badly broken hip. Once the hip op was done, the need for the morphine was no longer there. So, in theory, if that was the case, she should be able to come down substantially. Of course, it’s a layman’s view, but kp’s layman’s view of her problems yesterday were spot on. It’s uncanny how often kp knows her symptoms and their meaning very well and sometimes better than the professionals.

So, despite an awful last 24 hours, things are looking up !!! Life is good !

I have been recording Karen sleeping for the past couple of weeks and sifting through it is a right pain, taking about 30-45 minutes to analyse a night’s sleep, but every so often a gem like this comes along that makes it all worthwhile !

Name that tune !

guessthattunein1

If you are wondering what she says at the end…..It’s….

Karen:- You’re supposed to back me up aren’t you ?

Well, generally another good week.

On Monday, Michelle (the temporary support worker) was due to come and take kp shopping to get all the ingredients for a meal and then make me a meal on the night. I was looking forward to the first meal cooked by kp in as long as I can remember. The idea was she would think the whole thing through, pick a recipe, get the ingredients and then attempt its preparation.

Unfortunately, Michelle fell ill and couldn’t make it, but kp was adamant she wanted to continue with the day as planned. Which we did, me taking the role of support worker and not doing the typical husband thing and doing everything for her. It’s quite hard to do, because if she is struggling with something, my first reaction is to step in and sort it.

So, she picked a meal (Pasta with a Bolognese Sauce) and we set off to Sainsburys to get all the goods. One of the things that I think has helped kp’s mood (aside the new anti-depressants and the increased dose of the old ones) is having some goals and one of her current goals is to “refresh” the living room. She has a theme that Adele has helped her with and she wanted to go to places like Rosebys, Asda Living and Next to see what she could get.

She got lots of things she wanted, but some things required to be ordered online at Next, because they were out of stock in the store. Then, to Sainsburys, to get all the ingredients.

All going swimmingly so far.

When we got back, she cooked the tea and my help was minimal (chopping onions and some help with timing advice). Aside from that, she did the whole thing and it was a nice treat.

After tea, she tried to go online to sort the remainder of the Next home furnishings, but it didn’t go too well. So, she phoned them up, but during the call got very confused as to what she had ordered. She came off the phone in tears, frustrated that she hadn’t been able to understand where she was upto. Very sad !

While I remember, there was a slight cockup with her trip to Roseby’s as well. We have 3 windows in the lounge which she wanted to get tiebacks for the curtains and she came away with 3 tie-backs (when we needed 2 for each window). She was annoyed with herself to say the least.

Anyhoo, she quickly got over the Next episode. Sleep still remains a problem, although is slightly improve because of the sedative effect of the Dolsolupin.

Tuesday saw Rachel (OT) come over. Together, they set more goals and Rachel is typing them up for kp. Michelle came to take Karen over to Steve’s gym (physio) where she did her longest time yet on the treadmill (40 minutes). Well done kp.

Wednesday, kp had booked a hair appointment, which I took her to. Unfortunately, the hairdresser was off sick, so she just got her nails done and rescheduled an appointment for Saturday lunchtime.

On the afternoon, we had planned to go and see one of kp’s ex-work collegaues, pretend-friend Deborah (in-joke). She had just had an operation, so it was kp’s turn to be the supportive friend after Deborah (and Lydia) did such a sterling job when kp was in th’ospital. It was lovely to see Deborah and we had a good catchup and gossip.

Here are kp and Deborah…………..

Thursday, Michelle came to take kp over to Steve’s Gym, where she tried a new wobbleboard which she said was a lot trickier than the old one, which was bloody hard in itself. Whilst she was doing that, I took Marie (kp’s sister) to pick up Strike and introduce him to Tye.

That went very well indeed and they got on great. On the way back from Steve’s, Michelle took kp to pick up the missing tie-backs.

Friday and I took Karen for her appointment with Jane at the Lansdowne Clinic. Jane was very pleased with how well kp was doing and together, we made the decision that kp should take a 4-6 week break from psychologist visits and “consolidate”. I read that, as enjoy being up for a while. A good decision with the next appointment not until December.

Saturday and kp and I had arranged to go to walk the dogs together, because for various reasons, we hadn’t been able to go together for a few weeks. Unfortunately, we had forgot about her hairdressers appointment. There was a bit of a heated debate about that, but she cancelled it so she could walk the dogs.

Pizza and X-Factor finished the day off.

Today (Sunday), kp is on the way to see Veronica (in London). Michelle (Support Worker) is going down with her (on the train) and will come back on a later train. She will then go and pick her up on Wednesday when she returns which is great. We had considered Karen doing it solo, I could put her on the train, and vd would be there to pick her up, but if the train was delayed or anything went wrong, kp would be very frightened, so we are playing it safe.

She isn’t having it totally easy though. The plan is for Michelle to leave kp on her own for a while on the train to see how she copes, so it’s a good test at the same time. Fingers crossed.

So, good week, sleep still to pot, but kp very upbeat and looking forward to seeing vd in London.

Kp’s trip is going really well, all was very smooth picking her up at Kings Cross, return journey tomorrow and expect much of the same. What do girls do when together? Shop till they drop. We managed to boost M&S failing profits buying job lots of trousers and tops that fitted Kp. Kps birthday today has been a series of trips to various Dennison households in the south, age and weather has got the better of us and we are staying in the warm rather than going out on her birthday night. Will miss her when she’s gone.

Veronica

It was lovely to have Karen back. Big thanks to Michelle (temp support worker) who did all the to’ing and fro’ing dropping her off and picking her up.

I made the most of Karen being away and caught up with a backlog of dp stuff.

On the day after Karen got back, Michelle (Karen’s sister) came over with Freddy. We had a good catchup with them. One of the bits of homework we have had from Jane (psychologist) is to rekindle how we used to be (ie less of the carer and caree, more of the husband and wife). So, we have one day a week where there must be no talk of the accident, no talk of rehab, Physio, etc …. The idea is it should be like a normal day pre-accident. She also wants us to talk about the old days and relive the past. Well, with this in mind, I sent 25 hours of old video footage away to be converted to dvd.

We had started watching the first hour of this and left michelle and freddy watching it when rachel (ot) came for her visit. Half way through rachel’s visit, the living room erupted with an explosion of laughter and continued like that until rachel left.

We went back in the front room and michelle and freddy were watching me doing magic tricks in front of the camera talking to a fake audience. Highly embarassing but funny as hell.

On Friday, we came to Poland for a few days. It was karen’s birthday present from me. She had always wanted to go to see the Auschwitz Concentration Camp. The hotel is lovely (radisson sas) and yesterday (saturday) we made the trip to Auschwitz and Birkenau. It was an unforgettable trip and quite moving. At the bottom of this post should be some photos. Not sure what order they will be in, but one is of Karen under the infamous “Arbeit macht frei” sign, one is of me that I took myself ‘cos Karen wasn’t there (more about that shortly) and one is of Karen next to the buildings where they housed 700-1000 prisoners in EACH building). I had told her not to smile so much but I think she took it to the extreme in that shot.

We started off at Auschwitz (smaller of the 2 camps) but the walk was very long and we followed our guide into 3 or 4 of the buildings and each had many stairs. It took it’s toll on kp and she was really struggling by the end. The minibus then took us to Birkenau (2 miles away). Birkenau was Auschwitz “perfected” or that’s what the Nazis would have said. Instead of housing 28 buildings, it had 300!! Instead of 1 small gas chamber, it had 2 huge ones with attached crematoriums plus a couple of small overflow ones. It was murder on a mammoth scale. At one end was the famous tower (just visible in the background of the “me” shot) and at the other end (at the end of the railway line) were the 2 large gas chambers.

The walk from one end to the other was probably about 2/3rds of a mile ( with all the detours you do). The tourbus drove around the complex and dropped us off at the gas chamber end and then it went back to the tower end to meet us there. The tour lady was great and could see Karen was flagging and “told” her to stay in the bus and told me that I would be walking to meet up with her. Fine by us. Yes, Karen wanted to see it all but her body knew it had done enough. So, we bade farewell and split up. I was happy that Karen would probably just stay in the minibus and sleep.

Birkenau isn’t tourist-ified at all. It has basically been kept in the original state whereas Auschwitz has displays explaining the horror of it all.

It was all very moving.

After about an hour and a half, I met up with Karen and was really pleased to hear that she had seen the other end of Birkenau and hadn’t missed out by sleeping in the van.

On the way back, Karen was exhausted (I was flagging as well). She kept falling asleep and snoring off the Richter scale. I even caught myself falling asleep into the rucksack on my lap.

I think the driver took pity on us and dropped us off first, which was nice.

So, a very good trip marred only by some ignorant people we shared the minibus with. A couple of them really got my dander up and unlike the usual dp, I let them know.

It started off when we got in the minivan. We were the first pickup so we had a choice of seats. Karen, understandably chose a front seat as she doesn’t do back seat since the accident. The driver had blocked off the other front seat with her bag, so I sat behind Karen.

When we got to the next hotel pickup, the old bloke wanted to sit in the front but that would mean Karen was squashed so I suggested she could come with me.

David :- “it’s not the backseat love”

As I helped Karen out of the front, the bloke had the cheek to say …,

Bloke :- “it’s safer in the back anyway”

Well, I was #%^**”@&£)(; seething !!!

David :- “that’s not the right thing to say. Karen was a back seat passenger and suffered horrific injuries BECAUSE she was in the back!”

I felt a bit better for my rant but then …..

As a little aside as he got in the front…..

Bloke :- “it’s still safer in the back”

Jesus! I was gunning for him from that moment on.

They were a party of 4 and with the exception of one of them, they were soooo ignorant. This sums them up …..

We entered a crematorium at Auschwitz where the sign called for silence (out of respect). This bloke constantly talked to the guide. And then, to fully sum them up…..

The womans phone rang and she took the bloody call in the quiet area.

Ignorant !

Anyway, we went straight for a snooze on our return and felt much better for it.

Then…….

Karen :- “I am going to tell you something and I don’t want you to be angry”

Karen proceeded to tell me that when she had got out of the minubus (on her own) at Birkenau and crossed the road to get to the tower, she had nearly got run over.

I was relieved she was ok, but a little annoyed as I have told her countless times that she shouldn’t cross roads on her own. She can’t take in all the information that is needed to be taken in to cross the road safely. To be fair, it wasn’t a proper road (more a car park aisle) but still…..

Anyway, we had a lovely day topped off with some nice room service and a hot bath plus some morphine tablets (just kp for morphine obviously. I am just sticking to crack cocaine and a little heroine)

Today we are going to do the main square if she wakes up .

Well, we have had a lovely day in Krakow. The weather was gorgeous – t-shirt weather for the brave!

Here are some more fotos…..

Does anyone recognise where Karen is in the last photo ?

Answer in blog comments if ya know.

Before I forget, the photo that depicted Karen standing outside of some gate where I asked if anyone knew where it was…….The building in the background is Oskar Schindler’s factory where he employed lots of Jews from the Krakow ghetto.

Well, Monday saw us fly back from Krakow but not before another walk around the centre and it’s something we shouldn’t have done, because it was too much for kp. But with all of the day to kill, she was adamant she wanted to get out of the lovely hotel suite. But, her body was a wreck by the time we got back.

We had a huge meal somewhere around the square and then packed ready for the trip home. The trip home was very eventful. Karen is NOT a good flyer. She doesn’t mind it TOO much when we are cruising along, but doesn’t like the turbulence, but she is normally very scared for the takeoff and landing (if she hasn’t fallen asleep by the takeoff). She always holds my hand and grips the hell out of it even when she is nodding off.

This takeoff went horribly wrong. We taxied to the runway, and the pilot opened the throttles up and we started thundering down the runway and then all of a sudden, he throttled all the way back and slammed on the brakes. There were a few screams, but the loudest was right next to me. Even I was on edge, and I am a very comfortable flier. Karen was distraught. The plane just sat in the middle of the runway for what seemed like ages, and the air hostess had this fake smile on as if to say “everything was fine”. Eventually, she got a call from the captain and carried on her fake smile. Shortly after that, we did take off successfully, but Karen was beside herself. She had what I would describe as a panic attack. She said she couldn’t breathe, and I had to calm her down as best I could telling her to do her diaphragm breathing that she is supposed to do to help her sleep. It did help a bit, but the whole flight felt interminable. Tears on and off, and she didn’t sleep a wink.

My big concern (and Karen’s) is that she wouldn’t fly again, but we will try and do a short flight next to build her confidence. Anyway, we got home with her body and mind both a wreck. We got her in the bath to try and relax her mentally and physically and by about 2am (Tuesday), she was feeling much better in the mind which was the important one.

On Tuesday itself, she was due to attend Physio, but I rang to cancel it as she couldn’t have done a thing.

Wednesday saw her feel better physically which was good because we had a visitor who wanted to see her walk around and various other bits and bobs. It was a lady who (as part of the legal case) had come to assess Karen’s care needs. She was very nice and spent about 4 hours talking to kp and I about how much help she needs. We had a bit of a chuckle later in the day. The lady had left her coat at our house (none of us had realised) and was on the way back to Hertfordshire. Her secretary had rung and left a message on the phone. We thought it was going to say, can you post it on to this address, but it went like this…..

Care Expert’s Secretary :- “Hello, this is Sharon, Mrs Smith’s secretary, she has noticed that she has left her coat at your house. She has asked if you could just put it in the bin. She was going to throw it away anyway.”

Might not be funny now, but it was when we listened to the message.

After she left, we were in need of a shop, so I suggested a trip to Sainsburys. It was a mistake. I should have known that the Care Expert’s visit would have took it out of Karen, but instead I dragged her to Sainsburys. When she got back, she was exhausted and with it came lots of tears because she was upset with herself that she couldn’t do a simple trip to Sainsburys. I explained that it wasn’t just a little trip to Sainsburys and that it was on top of a trip to Poland, an awful flight, only 1.5 hours sleep, a gruelling 4 hour visit from someone asking loads of question etc etc….I was pretty sure the tears were tiredness related and the next day kp was feeling much better, which is remarkable because she only had ANOTHER 1.5 hours of sleep, but it must have been the good sleep.

Thursday and Michelle (temporary support worker) came shortly followed by Laura (one of the new support workers). They hadn’t met before, and the purpose of them both coming was for Michelle to do a handover to Laura about all the procedures, but also to have a chat with Laura about Karen and in what ways she needs support. They had a brief chat before it was time to take Karen to the physio session at Seaham, which they did. When they returned, we all sat round and discussed Karen’s situation and how she needs help. Karen had an appointment with Dr Parry (psychiatrist) in the afternoon, so when I took her to that, the idea was Michelle and Laura would go off somewhere for a cup of tea and to further discuss Karen.

Now, before they went, Michelle explained to Laura the importance of confidentiality and that when they were out in public and were discussing Karen, they shouldn’t refer to Karen as Karen, because this could compromise their client’s confidentiality. It all seemed very sensible and above board. What was funny, is that they had to decide a name to refer to Karen as. Well, of couse, Karen was keen to get her 10p in.

Karen:- How about Chantelle ?  Or Kylie ?

And lots of funny conversation ensued from this.

The Dr Parry visit went fine. The main focus was on Karen’s mood and her sleep. Her mood is on top form at the moment. A good example was the flight home would normally have floored Karen for a week (when she was at a low ebb), but she bounced back within a day !! But, the sleep remains an issue. The Dolsolupin wasn’t having any effect, so it was decided to drop this and instead she is going to try Amitryptiline. She has been on that for a few days and it’s hard to say if it’s working after just a few days. She has had some bad nights and one good night which I’ll come to.

Friday and Laura (new support worker) didn’t think she was starting work until monday, so she had plans for the morning, so I took kp to her planned visit with Angela, which was good in a way, ‘cos it was nice for me to see Angela (fellow car crash victim). She was in good form and Karen later told me that she couldn’t half see a positive improvement in Karen, which was great to hear !!

Laura picked Karen up and brought her home and then we discussed Karen at more length and I went through all of Karen’s issues and how they affect Karen and things to look out for. It’s something I wished I would have done with the previous support worker.

After Laura left, kp and I discussed Karen’s medication and we decided now was the right time to take the next move on reducing Karen’s medications. So, and Karen is over the moon at this, she is down from 500mg Fentanyl patches to 475mg and the Tamazepam is down from 5mg a night to 2.5mg which is nowt !! Well done kp !!!

The following day (Saturday), Karen had a long overdue hair appointment and Laura came to take her to that, which released me to do dp stuff, which made a lovely change.

That’s it for the week. Things are looking up. With Laura starting, kp seems a lot more focussed about things she wants to get done which is great all round.

Things are on the up and up !! For the first time in a long time, Karen had a good sleep last night ; from 11.30pm until 9am with no getting up at all. She woke up about 4am, but then went straight back to sleep. Now, we aren’t sure why the sleep is better last night. It could be that we tried sleeping in separate rooms, or it could be the new amitryptiline drug ? But, whatever, it’s a good thing and I am sure we’ll try separate rooms again to see if that helps. I think it could be a factor, because I think Karen gets subconsciously stressed as if she wakes up in the night, she knows she has to physically get up and go to another room so she doesn’t wake me. There’s probably some psychology in this somewhere, anyway, let’s see what tonight brings.

While I remember, Karen is even considering stopping the fags. I stopped again a few weeks ago and am confident that I will never smoke again thanks to an electronic cigaretter that I have now bought. I bought one for Karen too. It’s called a Janty ECigarette. Basically, it doesn’t burn anything so there are no carcinogens, so it’s not bad for you, but if you want that puffing sensation, then you can have a puff. Basically you load it with a cartridge (flavour of your choice) and choose a nicotine level from high to none. And then you smoke it, and then you can blow out smoke (actually it’s vapour/steam) and it feels like you’re smoking. I am really very pleased with it. Karen likes it too, but she wants to set a formal “give-up” date to aim for, yet to be set.

So, the Pollards are on the up and up. Well done kp !!!

Life is good again.

Well, a big week of change, taking Karen from a big high, to a real low by the end of the week

In a nutshell, one of the new support workers (Laura) started this week. We had discussed this week previously, and knew it was going to be quite a culture shock, going from a week, where Karen’s week was focussed on all of the appointments she attends (2 physio, 1 OT, 1 psychological & 1 pscychiatric in a busy week), to a week where she still had all these appointments, but now had someone motivating her to do much more.

I think it’s safe to say now that we have got the balance wrong and gone too fast at the “new regime”, but I’ll come to this later.

The last part of Sunday saw Karen develop pain between her knee and groin. The pain was so bad, it limited her walking at her normal pace, but what was extra strange, is that the pain seemed to move around as the day continued. We were actually relieved when we found the pain was moving around, because at the start of the pain, we were thinking it could be a problem with the hip, but when we found out the pain was moving around, we started to think it was a muscular thing, which means it will probably self heal.

So, Monday came and the pain was still there, but not as acute. Karen was keen to make the most of Laura and after a cup of tea with her, they both went off to the local gym where Karen did 18 minutes on the treadmill in the hope of walking the pain away. I think it helped, well, it certainly didn’t make it any worse. From the treadmill, she went and did 12 minutes on the bike.

Back to the house for lunch, then the girls spent some time planning their week. It definitely helps Karen (as it does all of us) to have goals. It was a lovely day, so Karen decided to take the dogs out (with Laura). They had a nice walk, shorter than the usual weekend walk. Following that, the girls went to Sainsburys for the weekly shop.

So, the first day was over, and already Karen was feeling tired, physically and mentally. I don’t think it helped that her sleeping was still all over and she hadn’t had much sleep. Monday night was the same.

Tuesday, and she needed to slacken the pace off a bit, so rather than go out and do the gym or take the dogs, she chatted with Laura. Laura is very intelligent and is just right for Karen with her wit and sense of humour. Karen chose well ! After their chat, Laura took kp off to her physio session in Seaham. Good progress was made there. Laura had Karen try and map read on the way home to try and stimulate her. Karen has real issues reading maps, especially ‘cos of the spatial awareness issues, but according to Laura, did really well. Well done kp.

In the afternoon, I was busy doing my own thing and it went very quiet in the dining room, so I went through to investigate, to find them both playing a game of “pickup sticks”. It’s one of the games the OT got for Karen and the idea is that Karen (and Laura) can only use the left hand, to try and make Karen’s hand better at fine motor skills. Well, I stayed to watch for a few minutes and was amazed to see how well Karen was doing with her left finger. Karen has amazing fingernails now (all her own), and she did a cracking job at finely picking sticks out. The thing I think let her down wasn’t her left hand, but her vision. She’s not very good at measuring distance (only having usable site in 1 eye). So, her motor skills were great, but she was trying to pick the stick out 1cm behind where it was. But, good job kp. Not sure I have mentioned this one before, but it’s always funny watching Karen try to light a fag. She will try and light it 2cm from the end of the fag, and I have to keep saying “closer, closer, closer…”

Same kind of thing.

Dr Parry (psychiatrist) rang in the afternoon to discuss how she was getting on with the Amitrypteline and to see if it was aiding her sleep. It wasn’t, so the dose was doubled.

To top off all of this day, Karen and Laura prepared the evening meal. Well, since the accident, I have been preparing the evening meals, so it was a lovely treat for me to have all the veg prepared for our Roast Chicken dinner – Thanks love.

Another busy day in the end, and things were starting to take the toll on Karen.

Wednesdays are Karen’s sacred day. A day with no rehab and no activities linked to the accident. Syd – take note !! Syd, the Case Manager, came for a planned visit to see how Karen was getting on. It’s always good to see Syd, although I think it got in the way of her plans for the day. In the morning, we had looked at the possibility of her going to Whickham Villa for a massage, but Syd’s arrival time, kind of, ruled out any trip like this. Instead, the girls went to the Arnison Centre to pick up some sheets (another of Karen’s projects).

Whilst there, Karen met a colleague that she used to work with (Diane) when she was the manager of Durham Cathedral’s restaurant and they had a good natter and agreed to meet up in the future.

Another busy day for kp. Lots of physical activity and more importantly, lots of mental activity were starting to build up and take their toll on Karen.

Thursday, Laura came early to take Karen to Seaham for her physio session with Joanne. Joanne focussed on Karen’s left arm, which had stiffened up a bit, given that Joanne had been away and Karen had missed out on her lovely massages. By the end of the session (which kp found a bit painful), it had loosened up somewhat which is great.

By this stage, the mood in the house was well on a downward trend. Karen was going quieter and quieter on the evenings. I recall on Wednesday, when Syd visited, he asked me how I felt Karen was. I had joked…..

David :- She’s doing great. If anything Syd, I think her mood is too good. She doesn’t stop talking ! Can we bring her down a little ?

But, thursday night, we had tears.

Karen :- I don’t feel my life’s my own anymore.

Of course it is, but lack of sleep, and an increased activity level by two or threefold have been too much for her.

Thursday night, with her low mood, I thought we were in for a hellish night, but hold the press, she had a good night’s sleep !!!! 10 hours solid !

Friday and Adele came to clean the house, and then Debs and Lydia (ex-work colleagues and pretend friends) visited with goodies and lots of banter and high-pitched laughing !! And she put on a brave face, but she was gagging to be on her own and to have a chat with me. She enjoyed Lydia and Debs’ company a lot and it was a great distraction, but as soon as they left, there were more tears.

Laura was due at about 1.45pm and no sooner than she arrived, I asked if she would leave it for the afternoon and come back on monday. Karen wanted to be on her own (with me). More tears and a very upsetting afternoon. In fact, things got so bad, and I was so concerned for Karen’s state of mind, that I called the psychiatrist. I felt, and Karen was with me, that she was having irrational thoughts and she described herself as being paranoid. Karen likes to have goals and be busy, but I think her mind and body can’t keep up the pace that she wants them to. So, we put these scary thoughts down to the double dosage of Ametrypteline as the likely candidate and the phonecall with the psychiatrist confirmed that “this drug” (much easier to type than Ametrypteline, bugger I have typed it anyway now) can cause paranoia. It’s listed as one of the side effects, although uncommon. I was hoping he would say, ditch the double dose, but instead he said to carry on, given it’s had the desired effect (a good night’s sleep), and discuss the situation more to calm Karen’s paranoia.

Friday night saw Karen have 12 hours sleep. Another success !!! But her mood remained low and the atmosphere around the house was horrid. Saturday night, the highight of the week normally, wasn’t the usual highlight and today has been a pretty down day. We had some plans for the day, but apart from the dog walk, they have mostly been scuppered with Karen wanting to just get out of it (sleep) and this when she had yet another good night’s sleep !!!

I am hoping that she will wake up, feeling a bit better. Because, the one thing we must do, is plan this next week better.

She needs to feel in control (paramount), and to pace herself better. And, with a bit of luck, her mood will return to the 100% it was just a few days ago !

After a bad night’s sleep on Sunday night, I had the opportunity to have a chat with Laura (on her own) when she arrived before Karen woke up, regarding Karen’s current state of mind. I reiterated what I had put in the blog, about it being so important that Karen set the pace and that she feels “in charge”. Laura was on board and I think that set the week in the right direction.

So, when Karen got up a little later, we were using phrases like….”What do YOU want to do today ?”. There was no pressure for Karen to do anything.

She responded well to this tack, CHOOSING to go food shopping at Sainsburys, choosing to have a coffee after the shop and then choosing an afternoon of physio exercises. Already her mood was on the “up” which was a big relief to me, ‘cos if Karen is down for any extended period of time, that brings me down, and I risk getting to the point where I can’t help her as much. So, lots of relief from me, as day by day as the week progressed she took control and her spirit lifted. Life was good again.

Monday night and Karen didn’t get to bed until 9am !!! So, she only had a couple of hours sleep before Laura took her to her physio session with Steve. Steve explained to Laura all the exercises Karen would benefit from doing at home. After the physio, the girls went for a coffee at a local cafe and then returned home, where they called it a day. Karen needed sleep.

Wednesday – Karen had planned to make the most of her “no rehab” day and go and see Marie in Middlesbrough. It was a bit of a weird start to the day, with me showing Laura how to do Karen’s hair. I wanted to put my effeminate voice on and do the “So, you doing anything at the weekend ?” spiel that I tend to go into (in hairdresser mode), to make Karen laugh, but a lack of sleep meant she just wanted her hair doing. With that done, Laura took her over to the ‘boro. Karen was gagging to see Strike (the lurcher) and Tye on their walk, so she went with Marie to a local field, where Karen took great delight in seeing Tye try and keep up with Strike’s greyhound pace. Apparently, he wasn’t even close to catching him, but Karen enjoyed watching the chase.

This gave me some time to do some consultancy work, which made a nice change.

Before Karen came home, I was waiting for her at the bedroom window, and when I looked back into the hall, this is the sight I was greeted by…..

The dogs know they are not allowed past the metal divide into the changing room (where I took the photo from).

Thursday, and no Laura (Support Worker). She was on a day’s first aid training, so I took Karen to her physio session at Seaham. The focus of the Thursday’s session is for Joanne (the physio) to try and get Karen’s left shoulder much looser. She had retained 8 inches of movement in her left arm (going back) since the last session, but by the end of the session, she could get 12 again, which was a big improvement. The idea (hopefully) eventually is that Karen will be able to get her left arm to the position that is needed for her to do her own bra. So, we’re getting there.

After the physio, I was gagging for a bag of chips. Seaham is by the sea and the waves were crashing and it just felt like a day to sit in the warmth of the car, with the cold howling winds outside eating a bag of chips. I managed to find a chippy and parked up, and just as I was about to get out of the car, a woman driving a car turned right in front of our car and misjudged the gap, hitting our car. The side of her car hit our front bumper. First priority was Karen, of course and I calmed her down and there were no tears, which was great !!! Just some scratches on the bumper (on our car), which i wasn’t worried about, that’s what bumpers are for, not sure about the woman’s car, but as it was her fault, I let her go on her merry way. Kp was ok, that was the main thing.

We got our bags of chips and sat at the seafront (in the car) and it was great.

Jane Burns was due to come in the afternoon for a visit, but had to cancel at the last minute, which allowed Karen to relax and have some quiet time with me, which we enjoyed.

So, as each day of the week passed, Karen’s mood got higher and higher.

On Friday, Karen wanted to go to the local gym, so Laura took her. Because of lack of sleep, Karen found it hard to get a walking rhythm, but they managed to get some stretching exercises done back at the house. Laura had to go for “supervision” in the afternoon, that’s where she meets her boss and chats about how things are going I think. Karen had booked to get her nails done at Sacriston, so on the way to supervision, Laura dropped her off and then I picked her up an hour later with lovely nails to show.

So, all was going swimmingly with Karen’s moood on the up, and then came Saturday. Karen had planned to go see sister Michelle in Middlesbrough. All was going to plan, Laura arrived as Karen was having her hair done by me. She was all dressed and ready to go, when she started crying.

Karen :- “I don’t think I want to go”

We couldn’t work out what was wrong. She just didn’t feel like going. I think, in my head, I have put it down to a tiring week, with something on every day, and she really wanted the weekend to chill and not go anywhere. I know Karen said that she didn’t want to be away from home, when she felt so teary.

I think the week had took its toll. Still, on the positive side, the previous week, she didn’t even get as far as the weekend before feeling down, so at least she made it through the week, and most people use their weekends to recoup, so well done kp.

So, Saturday was spent around the house with her homey (me). We enjoyed our usual Saturday night’s frivolities.

Today, we are planning a dog walk and some more chillin’ in da hood.

I seem to end lots of weekly blog posts with ….

So, hopefully next week, things will improve.

It seems this week is no different.

Last night, in the middle of her sleep, Karen sat upright on the side of the bed and this is what I heard…..

Click Here

She then went back to sleep.

Another depressing week overall.

Sunday night and an awful night’s sleep for kp.

Monday saw Karen and I go to the Dentist for some fillings in the morning. Lots of fun !

Laura arrived shortly after we got back, in time for Rachel (the OT) attending. Rachel went through some activities with Karen & Laura, and then in the afternoon, the girls (kp/Laura) planned the rest of the week. Karen was already not feeling too positive.

Monday night was a great night’s sleep for Karen – yay. But, unfortunately, it didn’t leave Karen feeling positive. Quite the opposite, she was rock bottom. There were lots of tears before Laura arrived and things were so bad, I decided to make an emergency appointment with Jane, the psychologist.

Karen was adamant she wanted to push ahead with “keeping busy”, so with Laura, she did her exercises and tried to plan some things to do on Wednesday (Karen’s no rehab day). Karen’s mood was so low, it was hard to come up with anything Karen wanted to do, but everyone (kp included) felt it was best to have something planned. So, they planned a trip to have a meal in a restaurant and a trip to Whickham Villa.

That afternoon, distraction came in the form of a physio session with Steve (at Seaham). There were some tears at physio, but once kp got going with the exercises her spirits lifted a little. After the physio, the girls ate in a local cafe.

Wednesday, we were hoping to see Karen’s mood lift, but it remained low. The plan to go and “fine dine” was scrapped, and instead the girls went to Costco to return some Galaxy Caramel bars (that had no caramel in) and then visit Whickham Villa. kp was desperate for a massage as she had lots of aches. I think she enjoyed this. Karen also had planned to take the dogs out when they got back from Whickham Villa, and despite it being wet, cold and dark, they still walked the dogs. This was a step too far in indsight, and Karen’s body was a wreck on her return in the pitch black.

Thursday and another trip to the physio, where Steve concentrated on Karen’s left shoulder and arm. It needed loosening. Thursday afternoon, we fortunately had a pre-arranged appointment with the psychiatrist which was a godsend and although at first it felt like we weren’t getting anywhere, by the end of the session, we both felt that certain things had fallen mentally into place. The decision was made to keep the medication the same.

In a nutshell, the revelation was that there is a balance between physical rehab and mental rehab and if we get the balance wrong in either direction, it affects Karen’s mental state.

She has to get the balance just right.

I tried to do a diagram to show this to Karen. Here’s what I did, but she couldn’t understand it…..

I was trying to show that the more physical rehab, the lower the mental state, the more mental rehab, the lower the mental state.

Anyway, she understands there is a balance to be struck.

So, we went away from the psychiatrist session understanding the situation a bit more, and with kp feeling slightly more positive.

The following day, we attended the psychologist (Jane) and had a good session with her, again, it all left kp heading in the right direction mentally.

We were due to have Ethan stay over (11 year old great nephew), but she wasn’t quite up to that, so we had to cancel Ethan

Some good news, Karen is now off Tamazepam – a MAJOR achievement that can NOT be underestimated as they are very addictive.

And she has further reduced her morphine patches (Fentanyl) by another 25, so she’s down to 450mg.

The weekend has been “ok”. kp’s mood is SO much better than earlier in the week. Sunday (today) has been better than yesterday, so it’s all heading in the right direction

Fingers crossed, we have a better week than last week. When Karen’s down, it brings me down, so I am gagging for a better week.