So so week this week for kp.

Karen started the schedule for the first week. The first day didn’t go too well, but by thursday she was well upto speed and doing all the tasks that were asked of her. The wobble board exercises didn’t start too well, but by the end of the week, she was able to do the 10 seconds required – well done kp.

By Friday, she was knackered, and took the day off.

As well as her routine, the OT came on Monday to do some assessments. She watched kp hoover and make some tea/toast. Don’t know the results yet, but I did find some dog hair on the carpet when I got home, for which I gave Karen a beating.

What she did say is that Karen shouldn’t hoover by herself.

Angela (fellow car crash victim) visited on Thursday and they had a good gas catching up on each other’s lives.

Karen is going away with Jane and Ronnie in a couple of weeks for a girly week away. And Karen and I are in the process of planning another week away in March with Dave and Helen (who we met in Egypt). So, lots to look forward to.

Karen has had a few problems this week generally.

1. Flashbacks
These seem to be getting more frequent. She gets in a tizz and relives the noises and things she saw during the accident. This can be upsetting for her. Not sure why they are getting more frequent.

2. Sleep
Still the biggest issue. Really got her down yesterday. She was ABSOLUTELY knackered and had taken 3 x 20mg Tamazepam and still couldn’t sleep. This needs addressing – she is going to raise it with Syd when he comes this week.

3. Pain
We have had pain under control for about a month, but kp feels that she is starting to get used to 600mg Fentanyl   . Now, we are not sure if she is getting used to it, or it is because she is doing a lot more (with her schedule). ie the wobbleboard exercises are testing muscles she doesn’t use very often. Fingers crossed, it’s the latter.

This week, there is a visit from the OT and then Syd the case manager is coming on friday.

Was browsing the stats for Karen’s blog. Here is a map showing where people were in the world, when they browsed Karen’s blog last week.

Not a good week this week.  It all kicked off on Tuesday night after the OT had been. They had been discussing Karen’s aims, and the fact that Karen’s right eye is damaged. One of Karen’s aims is to drive again. The OT seemed to have said that that isn’t possible because the optic nerve damage doesn’t improve with time. kp got very upset in the presence of the OT. When I came home, she was still upset and this continued all night. I tried to reassure her that the loss of her driving licence was nothing to do with her eyesight, but hearing something so final from the OT really hit her hard and by the end of the night, I felt she was at the start of a nervous breakdown.

She couldn’t make decisions, she was extremely irritable, all the signs were there.

One of the good things to come out of the OT’s session was that Karen is to keep a sleep diary. This is to help work out how / when she sleeps. And presumably then to work at improving it.

Wednesday saw kp and Adele go shopping, but Karen’s mood was still not right and she didn’t enjoy it. That night she had a particularly bad night’s sleep (probably only a couple of hours’ worth), and she woke up with bad cramp in her calf and hot sweats.

Thursday was uneventful.

Friday morning, I came into the front room to find Karen slumped over the settee. She was fast asleep with her head nearly level with the coffee table. How she didn’t fall over, I don’t know.

Worryingly, she had no recollection of how she got there.

Sleep is still the biggest issue at the moment.

Given the poor state of her mind, I took the morning off work at the last moment to meet up with the Case Manager (Syd) and Karen. We needed to raise how bad things were, which we did. He came with some good news. The neuropsychologist that karen had back in the hospital has agreed to take her case on a private basis. She is awesome and I really look forward to her getting involved with kp. I have no doubt it will bring improvements mentally.

The other bit of good news is that Syd is looking into a separate private Dorsal Column Stimulation appointment.

By Friday night, things were greatly improved as far as Karen’s state of mind. Yippee!

Saturday saw us walk the dogs – it was a glorious day. The usual afternoon snooze and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (PLUS Pizza) ended off a lovely day.

We have decided to try separate rooms for sleep. Karen finds it a lot easier to fall asleep with the TV on, but, of course, that disturbs my sleep, which she is reluctant to do. It helped a bit, but nothing too brilliant, but enough that I slept in a different room last night as well.

Today, we have been for Sunday lunch at the County Restaurant in the Royal County Hotel in Durham. It was diabolical. The Roast Beef was just like you got for school meals, wafer-thin and over cooked. Mental note – Avoid Marriott Royal County Durham for dining ! Lunch was complete in 45 minutes and then we went to BHS for some shopping.

This coming week, Karen is getting ready for her hols with the girls. Packing. Hair Doos etc…….Tomorrow, she has her yearly orthopedic appointment with the consultant who did her Pelvic op. Hopefully he will discharge her. And then in the afternoon, the solicitor is coming to see us, to give us an update.

On Friday, Karen is participating in the interviews for her Care Assistant.

So Busy Busy Busy !!!

Eventful week this week.

Monday, I had sorted out the day working from home (where poss) so that I could accompany kp to Sunderland Hospital where Mr Cross was going to review kp’s pelvis (yearly appointment) (or so we thought).

As expected, there were long waits in an assortment of waiting rooms. We thought it odd, when she was told that he would be x-raying her right hip, but didn’t think too deeply about it.

Long story short – Mr Cross had wanted to x-ray kp’s right hip as he thought it could need replacing. He was surprised to see this had already been done. Woe betide the consultant who didn’t let him know that he had replaced kp’s hip. Mr Cross doesn’t suffer fools.

Anyway, the good news is that he discharged her. We both thanked him a LOT for everything he had done. He may be the archetypal consultant whose staff bow as he passes, but he is one of a team that saved kp’s life, so our thanks genuinely go to him !

Thanks Mr Cross.

So, effectively, a wasted trip to Sunderland General. We headed off home. As soon as we got West of Durham, the weather was atrocious. Very heavy snowfall. No evidence of gritters being out, and the hill to get to Esh Winning was full of skids and careful driving. kp was besides herself when we finally got home.

Here is what it was like by the time we got home.

I worked from home in the afternoon as we expected Fran (the solicitor) at about 4pm, but alas, the weather was too bad, so she postponed until later in the week.

Bad sleeps have prevailed again this week.

When Karen got up on Tuesday, she was knackered after 90 minutes sleep all night. She had an appointment at the hairdressers to get her hair, nails and face done. She hated it. She arrived at 11am (with Adele), and didn’t get home until 4.30pm ! So, not a good day.

The night was worse. Karen spent most of it very upset. Adele and Karen had been chatting. Quite innocently, Adele had told kp how much she pays for her childcare to allow her to come and clean for us. kp had said “oh, that’s a good price” and not thought anything more of it. But, later on, she had realised that it was a LOT of money and she felt guilty for…..

1-Not realising it at the time that it was a lot of money
2-Having had the accident and being a “burden on others”
and a few other things.

I tried to reassure her that she has NOTHING to feel guilty for but I think she was so tired, she wasn’t able to take it in etc….

Wednesday saw the OT come. She was due to come about 6pm, but because of the traffic, didn’t get here until nearer 7pm. By 9pm, she had gone and we had a pizza tea.

Thursday saw Fran (the solicitor) come for her postponed (from monday) meeting. She arrived at 4pm and didn’t leave until abut 7pm. Fran has now got up to date with all the paperwork from the previous solicitors and now has a good handle on kp’s case. Another year or two should see it to the end. Basically, we have to wait to see how much kp improves with all the rehab she is getting this year before they can assess how the accident will affect her financially etc….

We are both so pleased with IrwinMitchell. Fran could not have been more communicative. And we both get a feel she really knows karen’s case. It feels like a real safe pair of hands ! Thanks Fran !

The other eventful day this week was Friday when kp, Syd and Patti (Syd’s wife and business partner) all went to Durham Job Centre to interview 4 ladies for the post of “Karen’s Support Worker”. Basically, it’s part of a rehab package that Syd has put together. This lady will work approx 30 hours per week assisting Karen in day to day living with the aim to make kp more independent. By all accounts, kp was great. All her old interviewing skills came back and Syd told me he was very impressed and could tell she had done it before.

We have a new lady, and she sounds great from what Syd and kp told me.

Jane and Ronnie arrived that night ready for their holiday to FuentaVentura on Saturday.

We had a late chinese, and an earlyish night (12am). I took the girls to the airport at 6am. 20 minutes after I had dropped them off, I got a phonecall from Karen saying “had I packed the tickets ?”. Well, I thought I had. It was the confirmation email from the airline listing all the passengers plus a confirmation code etc etc…..

Unfortunately, this was not the tickets, and we had some PROPER tickets ?! Karen got upset on the phone saying “it was all her fault”. I could hear Jane and Ronnie comforting her in the background telling her it wasn’t. To be honest, if anyone would have asked me “David, have you packed the tickets”, I would have said “Yes” as I thought the email was the tickets if you know what I mean. It normally is for our holidays.

Anyhow. She phoned me back 10 minutes later, saying everything was ok. I got the impression Jane had spoken with the woman on the desk and they had printed some more tickets out. kp was still upset when she phoned back. More Guilty Feelings.

It’s Sunday when I write this, and I have just phoned kp and Good News !! She slept ALL NIGHT !!!!! I can’t remember the last tiime that happened.

I think she said 12am until 8.30am !

Very pleased for her !

So, she is in the sunny (24′C) Canary Islands this week and she said it was lovely to wake up and for it not to be dark and cold.

I am sure she will have a great week !

Work for me ! Yay !

Karen’s first day/night in the Canaries didn’t go too well. The problems with the tickets left her feeling very anxious and ill at ease.

Unfortunately, there are no photos (annoyingly) of the holiday because they kept forgetting to take the camera out.

The weather was beautiful all week and the girls had a great time. Each day was a lazy day with appropriate eating/drinking and sleeping. The odd trip to the local market and shops etc…

kp suffered from headaches a lot of the week but she managed to get some migraine tablets which helped.

As for me, I didn’t half miss Karen the first day or two. At one point, I was wandering around the house talking to myself in a posh James Bond kind of voice just to fill the silence. The dogs gave me some funny looks.

After that, I had a great relaxing week, xboxing and watching James Bond films. It was great

But, it was also good to have her home !!

Well, monday saw a big meeting for us. It was the day of the Multi-Disciplinary Meeting. Basically, what happens is, each of the people concerned with Karen’s rehab come to the house to discuss the state of play in their field of expertise and to explain where they are going to direct their efforts. Because they are all there, this allows for discussion and a co-ordinated effort. The lineup of people consisted of ….

Syd (the Case Manager)
Steve (the Physio)
Matthew (the Speech Therapist)
Rachel (the OT)

The “other side” had asked to be there (only fair since they are paying for all this treatment), that’s what we call them. Basically, there was (Barry) a lovely chap representing the Norwich Union, and his solicitor (Nichola).

And, our solicitor was present.

It was a packed house, and a packed driveway. 6 cars. Well, I say cars. There were 5 cars and a Motorhome which Steve had brought. It helped break the ice a bit  when he arrived, ‘cos he came out the side door and it was totally unexpected.

Karen was very anxious before the meeting and I could tell that she felt very uncomfortable with all these people here for (and talking about) her.

It reminded me of our wedding reception. I did a bit (in my speech) talking about Karen, and she held her hand to her face, as a kind of comfort gesture. She was doing the same here.

It all got a bit much for her after a while, and she got upset. We took a fag break (Good suggestion Syd) and she felt a bit better after that.

Anyway, basically, it was very constructive and an opportunity for everyone to get upto speed.

The following day, we had an appointment with a Dr Eldabe at North Tees hospital, regarding Karen’s pain and what we thought would be the Dorsal Column Stimulation (or as Syd called it at the meeting on monday, Dorsal Fin).

He was very nice and was accompanied by a nurse and a psychologist. He asked Karen to describe her pain, which she did. She mentioned that it goes down both her legs and also covers her lower back. She later told me, that she didn’t mean back.

kp:- What do you call this area here ? (she pointed to her pelvis)
dp:- Your pelvis.

It feels like the lower back to her (which it is I suppose). This could be key, because one of the things Dr Eldabe said was that the best treatment for Karen would be “Intrathecal Drug Delivery”. Basically, what this is, is they put a machine under your skin in your abdomen that pumps morphine along a line that goes round to the Spinal Sac area at the back (same place they put an Epidural).  I asked why he wasn’t considering the “Dorsal Column Stimulation”, and he said because it doesn’t do back pain very well.

So, we’ll have to mention this at our next meeting.

Anyway, forget that for a second.

He also asked what medication Karen was on. His jaw visibly dropped when she told him the amount of Fentanyl (morphine) patches she was on. He said mostly people are on 50-100ug patches (changed 3-daily). Karen is on 600ug and that this was a lot. Well, we knew that anyway, but it’s good to have it confirmed.

Back to the “intrathecal drug delivery”. He went on to explain that this device gets fitted, it’s filled with morphine and it pumps it directly to the nerves in the Spinal Sac.  He said one of the big problems that this gets around, that it is targeted pain relief. At the moment, Karen is using  a nuclear missile to kill a fly. Nice analogy dp.

She “kills the fly but gets all the negativeness of the nuclear attack”. She kills the pain but has bad constipation (which she takes 9 tablets a day for), slowed thinking, apathy, lack of motivation, etc etc…..

What she will get, following the analogy on, is a fly swatter, that kills the fly and leaves the rest of the room unaffected.

Her body would be getting a fraction of the morphine (I think he said a 1/100th) and it would be going direct to the pain. She would lose all the negative symptoms which sounded great.

I was over the moon. Karen was NOT !

When Karen gets something fixed in her head, woe betide if it gets changed. She had her sights set on “NO MORE MORPHINE” (with the Dorsal Fin . Totally understandable. Now, effectively, she was “NO MORE MORPHINE”, as everything negative about morphine would be there. But kp still saw it as “Still on the morphine”.

kp:- I am going to be on morphine for the rest of my life (In floods of tears in the car on the way home).

It was so sad. I kept trying to tell her that it was a good thing, but because it wasn’t what she had her hopes up for, she was bitterly disappointed.

She remained tearful for the next FEW DAYS. And her mood swung 100% in the negative direction.

The rest of the week saw Karen go downhill, with zero motivation, I would say close to a breakdown again. Things were not good.

Karen had also decided not to use the fantastic neuropsychologist Pip, because she needed someone who was keen to take on the case. Pip hadn’t phoned to make an appointment, and she felt she needed someone who really had the time to deal with her case.

Coupled with her down-ness, she felt guilty that she hadn’t been able to help Marie (sister) who isn’t very well at the moment.

So, things progressed downhill. On Friday, we had an appointment with another specialist but it’s not bloggable.

The weekend has been gorgeous weather and it has helped lift kp’s mood a little. Unfortunately, I had to do some work, about 10 hours of it as well, which really got me frustrated as I had promised I wouldn’t work at weekends. As well as it being “pain in the arse” work, I felt guilty about kp being on her own. Aaaaaarrrgh ! But, we still got in a nice walk each day with the dogs.

Here it is. I GPS tracked it with my phone. It says it was 2.6 miles long, but 2 miles of that is in the car to get to the railway line. So, just over half a mile.

That’s it for this last week. Her mood is a little better, not much, but a little.

This coming week is quite a busy one. Here it is…..Dr Millner (btw) is a plastic surgeon and she is seeing him about all of the leftover scars etc from the accident.

Very eventful week this week, a couple of real highs, and the lowest of the lows.

Monday was uneventful. We like uneventful, we want more uneventful.

Tuesday, Rachel (the OT) came and discussed, amongst other things, sleeping patterns, how to record anxiety levels etc etc….. Matt (the speech therapist) was due to come straight after Rachel, but as Karen had to take a taxi to my work for her next appointment, we had to postpone him.

When Rachel had left, Karen took the taxi to my work so we could go together to Mr Millner (Plastic Surgeon) to see if there is anything that can be done for Karen’s scars, lumps and bumps. The taxi ride was eventful and had Karen in stitches. The taxi driver started a conversation and it went something like this…………(it won’t be funny when I recall it, but Karen will laugh at this in years to come).

TaxiMan (noticing Karen’s walking stick) :- Do you get DLA (Disability Living Allowance) then ?
kp :- Yes
TaxiMan :- Eeeee, i am having ‘nowt but bother getting my DLA approved. They’re asking me to go for medicals and everything.

Karen was flabbergasted that he was even applying for DLA, ‘cos he was walking fine and driving a cab for his living, but she didn’t say anything.
kp:- Well, they just gave it to me. It was very straightforward.
TaxiMan :- Nah, they’re having me go here, there and everywhere.
kp:- What are you claiming it for ?
TaxiMan :- Fallen Arches.

Karen kept her cool and didn’t laugh until she got out of the taxi and told the story to me in the car trip to the Plastic Surgeons (in Jesmond). Karen was laughing so loud, it was an absolute JOY to see. Real hearty laughter. We were still laughing about it when we got home on the nighttime.

The Plastic Surgeon (Mr Milner) was disorganised, rude, abrupt and unsympathetic. He asked Karen what he could do for her. When I asked him had he not received any pictures, he checked his bag and found about 20 of them showing all the issues. His phone then went off, and he started talking to the caller. He would cut Karen’s conversations short and be generally unsympathetic. We have found this before with some of the exceptional medical people that they tend to be like the archetypal Hospital Consultants. Anyway, he gave her a good examination, and said he would write to the solicitor.

Wednesday saw Steve (the Physio) come. It was a lovely day (weather-wise), so he took Karen for a walk and they had a lovely walk, and Karen covered good distance, going about 2/3rds up a field that Karen had previously walked the dogs up. Very impressive. He also got her to fill up the bird bowl but only using her left hand. She spilt quite a bit, but it was good exercise nonetheless for her weak side. That night, she even cooked tea (which never happens) and it was gorgeous – Cottage Pie. First good meal we had had for ages. That night, she had her first good night’s sleep for as long as I can remember. She slept the whole night with just one trip to the loo. Well done KP !

Thursday – Karen had been getting anxious about her bowels, having had no movement for two weeks. I was pleased at the saving on toilet paper. Her anxiety had been building up over the week, with us gradually upping her bowel medication to try and get her moving again, but still nothing.

Friday, it all came to a head. I got a call at work asking me to come home straight away, she was very weak, and really upset. I was home within 30 minutes – Dr Pollard to the rescue. We have a staged approach to bowel issues. She is on 2 types of pills for the constipation that comes with morphine (Sodium Docusate and Senna (3 of each / night). We had upped this to 4 of each over the past few days. Our second stage is called Movicol. It’s a soluble powder, which kp hates taking and so hadn’t taken any (which in hindsight, she should have done). Stage three, if there are issues, are Glycerin suppositories which have helped before and our emergency medication is called Arachis Oil, which is an enema.

It was enema time, we were beyond suppositories. Dr Pollard administered the treatment and then Karen went to sleep for an hour hoping for some movement. She was ABSOLUTELY exhausted. At the same time as all this was happening, Pip (the neuropsychologist) arrived for an appointment. And then while I was all rubber-gloved up, Steve (the physio) arrived for his appointment. Both had to go. A couple of hours later, there was no movement, so I called the District Nurse out. I had rang the local chemist to get another enema in, and the nurse picked this up and administered it. Karen went back to sleep again. Normally, these enemas work instantly. We didn’t see any movement until about 10.30pm at night, which in itself, is amazing. We were over the moon when there was finally some relief for kp. That night, despite sleeping all day (on and off), she had ANOTHER full night’s sleep. Incredible and very welcome.

We thought that that was the end of kp’s problems that week. How wrong could we be !

The weekend weather was forecast to be gorgeous but cold and they were right. But, it made for great dog walking weather. kp loves walking the dogs with me on the weekend, but she “didn’t feel right”. Her walking was poor and she was walking at an incredibly slow pace (much slowed than usual, and it’s normally about 1mph). But she was adamant she wanted to do the usual weekend walk. She had pains in the leg muscles around the groin area. Half-way to the fields where we let the dogs off the lead, I suggested we go back, but she wouldn’t hear of it and she persevered. She got to the bit where I let the dogs off the lead and just stood stationary watching me throw the dog toy. Normally, she would get involved, but I could tell she was in a lot of pain and discomfort. When asked to describe where the pain was, she just pointed between her knees and groin on the inside of her legs.

We are still not sure what was wrong. She spent much of the rest of Saturday asleep.

Saturday night was not a good night’s sleep.

Today (Sunday), things got a lot worse. She came to bed  about 5.30am this morning and slept until about 9.15am. When she got up, she couldn’t walk unaided. I was having to go in front of her and walk backwards holding both her arms as she took the smallest of steps. She wasn’t sure if it was muscular or a bone issue, but either way, it was crippling.

We tried to work out what could have caused it. Had she slept funny, has her medication changed, had the constipation strains took its toll etc etc…. We couldn’t work it out. It was hospital time for x-rays. Karen really didn’t want to go, so we came to a compromise. She would go back to sleep after taking some Gabapentin and see how she was when she woke up. She DID feel a bit better and the walking was improved. She took some more Gabapentin, and we had a 3-hour snooze (I had walked the dogs during kp’s first sleep), and when she woke up, she felt a lot better. Her walking is nearly back to kp’s normal walk, and we think she is out of the woods here, which is a BIG relief !

What caused it ? We aren’t sure. It could be one of the following or a combination :-

1. Bowel issues caused some muscle strain
2. Lack of Gabapentin (kp hadn’t taken as much this week as she felt it was stopping her sleeping)
3. The long walk with Steve, quite a bit was uphill
4. Sleeping on her left side – she normally sleeps on her right, but she had had TWO good night’s sleep and both of them involved a lot of time sleeping on the left hand side, something she never does !

We will have to keep an eye on it.

So, eventful week. We both hope things improve as the Summer is coming and kp has been enjoying the lighter days, the daffs coming up etc……

Fingers crossed.

An eventful week this week. Let’s start on a positive. Karen is sleeping much better. I think she has probably had 2 full night’s sleep this week, maybe 3 ! When I say full, she may have got up for the loo at some point, but that’s fantastic for Karen to get up and come straight back and carry on the sleep.

Another bit of good news is that Doreen (the Support Worker) starts on Monday March 3rd.

The week really started on Tuesday when everything GOOD and BAD happened.

Steve (the Physio) came and as it was a nice day, he took Karen AND the dogs for a walk. One of Karen’s aims is to do the old dog walk we used to do. There are two dog walks that she used to do. One is about a mile (and up hills), the other is about 3 miles and verging on mountainous at times ! The former affords a view of Esh Winning from the top of the hill and so is very rewarding when you get to the top. Karen DID IT !!!!! She was absolutely OVER THE MOON !!! She texted me she was so excited. Well the day got better than that !

Next came Matt (the speech therapist). He went to work on Karen’s confidence when she talks to people who don’t know she has a brain injury. Together they constructed a starting sentence that Karen can use to set their expectations that she sometimes appears slow. Here’s what they come up with…..

“Just before we start, can I just let you know that I have had a head injury  a few years ago, and I’m a little bit slower with some things, so if you can be a bit more patient with me, that would be great.”

Karen tried this out later in the week when we had to call the Dyson man out and it worked, so she was pleased at that !

Back to Tuesday.

On the evening (6.30pm appointment), we went to see Mr Eldabe (the Pain Consultant) about the intrathecal drug delivery device. He had been thinking about Karen’s case and had come up with a drug that was NOT morphine-based that Karen could use. Karen was very pleased about this (as you can imagine). The only downside is the cost at £6000 per year. The device itself has to be changed every 7 years (at a cost of £7000 + the cost of the operation), so the next step is to get confirmation that the insurers will pay these fees. He has written to Syd (the Case Manager). Fingers crossed. Norwich Union have been great so far. Interestingly, the drug comes from Sea Slugs (from the Phillipines), it is some part of the venom that they use to kill fish which they then eat.

This appointment was in Middlesbrough, so we had arranged to have tea at Michelles. She cooked us home-made chips and steak – very tasty it was too.

And then the bad thing happened. Let me set the scene, it was very foggy, and not the best driving conditions.  Karen was very on edge, and talking all the time, partly to calm her nerves and partly ‘cos she had had one of the best days since the accident.

About 20 minutes into the journey, we were on a dual carriageway where there was a petrol station, and I had been following a petrol tanker for a while (at a good distance). He indicated left to pull into the petrol station, and he turned into the petrol station. He couldn’t get fully in, so part of his tanker was in my lane, so I started to brake slightly until I realised I could get past. So, go back 7 seconds, here is what happened from Karen’s perspective.

kp:- “Eeeeee, I am talking a lot aren’t I ?”
dp:- “You are, well, there’s a lot to talk about today”
kp:- “Is it bothering you, me talking ?”
dp:- “No, but it’s taking a lot of concentration with it being so foggy……”

At which point she looked up and saw the tanker (which I was already braking for, although not enough to stop, because in my head, I wasn’t stopping).

Karen just screamed and went in to what I can only describe as a hysterical fit. She was absolutely besides herself and utterly distraught. AND THE WORSE THING IS, I couldn’t stop as it would have been dangerous with all the fog etc…… She just wailed and wailed for about 5 minutes (although it felt like 2 hours) until i got to a hotel car park where I could stop safely. I jumped out of the car and went round to her door, opened it and gave her the biggest of hugs. She wouldn’t let go and just cried and cried.

We spent about 15 minutes (which is a long time) just hugging and me talking, explaining that we were never in any danger, and that I had already seen it etc etc etc…..

I promised her I would drive really slow on the way back, which I did, so she had to endure an even longer journey home. She didn’t stop crying until she fell asleep (crying) on the night time. She said things like ….

kp:- “I’ll never go in a car again”

God, that would be awful if she meant it (which she did at the time). She got up with me on Wednesday morning and she was a lot better, but still crying and upset. She remained upset for the next couple of days and it was obviously taking up a lot of her thinking time. But, thankfully, time is a great healer, and memories fade and although she hasn’t been in the car with me since, I am sure she will and in fact, she took a taxi ride with Marie to town on the thursday and although she was edgy, she did it and that’s the important thing !!

She enjoyed seeing Marie again, as she has been unwell recently.

Friday saw Steve come again for physio, but he wasn’t 100% so he went easy on Karen which was just as well, as the walk took it out of kp physically and she couldn’t do much for the next day or two. But, the good thing is that she said she WOULD do it again, despite the aches and pains which is typical kp !!

On Friday night, Dave and Helen came over (the couple we met in Egypt and who we are going away on holiday with in a couple of week’s time (Lanzarote) and we had a good night with them.

We stayed up until 2am !! And kp didn’t have a good night’s sleep that night, despite being exhausted when she went to bed. She was up from about 4am until 7am and slept until about 1pm Saturday. We had an easyish day on Saturday, taking the dogs for just a short walk. The usual Saturday night pizza was postponed as we didn’t feel upto it.

Sunday (today), we have had another chilled day. kp sleeping a lot of it, me playing on my xbox, but we did fit in a nice walk on the old railway line. Tonight, it’s pizza night, with Lost and some program celebrating Bruce Forsyth’s 80th birthday. Happy Birthday Bruce – Bruce for a knighthood.

Busy week this week for kp.

Monday, the new neuropsychologist comes on board tomorrow with an hour and a half chat with kp.
Tuesday, Dyson man comes and Steve (Physio), Rachel (OT) and Adele are coming at some point too.
Thursday sees Syd (Case Manager) come to review things
Friday, Physio again.
Sunday, we are going to the golf club for Mother’s day with my family.

So so week this week.

Karen’s sleep has been slightly better, achieving 2 good night’s sleep this week, but one night where it was really bad sleep. Until today, she has had quite an upbeat week.

Monday saw the neuropsychologist come to help karen cope with the mental strains of her “new life”. It was a little upsetting for kp as she had to go through things from scratch and there were a few tears.

Tuesday was a busy day, Steve (the physio) came and left kp with some new exercises. Rachel (the OT) came and did some relaxation exercises with Karen that she can use to help her to sleep. She also brought with her a “Sleep Contract” which she had done a great job with, on some very old looking paper. Here it is. kp had to sign it, but I have purposefully left off the signature part…..

Wednesday was quiet and uneventful, but surprisingly it’s the first good night’s sleep of the week.

Thursday saw Syd come. Together, they chatted about the way things were going and Doreen (the Support worker) who starts tomorrow (monday).

kp was out of sorts on Friday and just wasn’t feeling right. Steve and Karen agreed to not do a session that day, but kp felt guilty that he had come all the way from Seaham. Worst night’s sleep of the week with only 1.5 hours.

I had to work on Saturday, something I had agreed with kp NOT to do, but I think she understood that it will be a one-off (I HOPE !). When we got back, we took the dogs for a walk. It was windy as hell, and kp still wasn’t feeling 100%, so it was only a short walk (1/4 a mile). Whilst I was away, kp had been on the phone to Ronnie (from darn sarth) for 2 hours. Lots to talk about there.

Sunday should have been the best day of the week, but it turned into a bit of a ‘mare. We went down to Whalley Golf Club for a Mothering Sunday meal. It was lovely to see all the family, and it was a lovely meal. kp and I had took some flowers down to give to mum. We left them in the car to give her them after as we were going to mum and dad’s after the lunch anyway.

Here’s a picture of us all together and one of Jamie and Sophie watching a golfer….

Sophie and Jamie were great. Sophie spent most of the time doing “sums” and she is good as well ! She is nearly 6 and can do any addition or subtraction as long as it’s numbers less than 10 (as she does it all with her fingers). I was amazed, given her mum struggles with the same kind of sums

Jamie’s  only interest was dropping his trousers to show off his spiderman underpants that mum and dad had brought back from South Africa. It was a good laugh.

During the lunch, Jane (my sister) was very excited about everything she had coming up in the future. Trip to America, New Garage, and lots of other exciting things and she was telling us all about this. Nothing wrong there !! After the meal, kp and I went out for some “fresh air” and as kp sat in the car, she started crying. What had sparked it was that Jane had so much going on in her life, but Karen felt she didn’t.

kp:- Before the accident, my life would have been that full……

I tried my best to console her and tell her that she DOES have a lot going on in her life, but it was just different things, but she just got more and more upset.

kp:- I don’t want anyone to see me like this.
dp:- well, we’ll just go home (instead of going to mum and dad’s for a cup of tea).

She was quite distraught. I felt I had to go and tell mum and dad and saw them coming out of the Golf Club and ran upto them to tell them we were just going home and that kp was upset. As I left, kp shouted

kp:- Don’t leave me alone in the car

I said I’d be 2 secs, I had to tell mum and dad why we were leaving so suddenly.

In all the rush, we had forgot to give mum her Mothering Sunday flowers. So, mum, here’s a picture……

And yes, we’ll throw in the teacloth !

So, sorry Pollards, for the impromptu departure. kp feels dead guilty, but I explained to her that you all understand that sometimes things get on top of kp. That was one of those moments !

kp remained upset until about an hour from home, when she fell asleep.

Tonight, we will have a chilling night and hopefully with the busy week coming up for kp, she will feel better.

Karen remained distressed through the night and we stayed up all night (!), dozing on the settee.

At about 6am, we went for a few hours sleep in the bed, me resigning myself to staying at home, ‘cos kp was simply too upset. When she got up, she pretty much started crying straightaway and remained upset until Syd (Case Manager) arrived. Syd had come to settle Doreen (kp’s new Support Worker) in. Syd was unable to calm kp, and so when Doreen arrived, kp was in full flow. kp felt guilty that Doreen was arriving to her being upset

kp:- What a welcome this is for you ?

Doreen was great though. She started talking to Karen and taking her mind off things and within a couple of hours Karen had calmed down enough to not be crying. She wasn’t out of the woods though, so knowing kp was on the verge of a breakdown, I phoned the new neuropsychologist, only to be told she couldn’t come until the 31st of March. How ridiculous !!! I was livid. I phoned Pip (the original and best NP around) and true to form she said she would attend to Karen later in the day between appointments. At about 4pm, kp had come off the phone to Pip and she was feeling a bit more positive. Pip is awesome !! She is a true life-saver !

On Tuesday, I went to work, and Karen got to know Doreen more. Steve (the physio) came and together all 3 of them PLUS 2 dogs went for a long walk. kp loved it !! Then in the afternoon, Doreen and kp had planned to go shopping, which they did. Matthew, the speech therapist came late in the day, and together kp and him worked on how to not be as anxious when she has to speak to people over the phone. They came up with this little intro speech…..

That night was an awful night for kp. At about 2am, I woke up to hear Karen shouting in her sleep, it went something like this…..

kp:- I am trying, I’m trying. It hurts too much, I can’t, I am trying…..

She was really crying in her sleep and really distressed, so I thought it best to wake her.

dp:- Karen, ………. Karen…….. KAREN

She just continued…..

I got out of bed and went round her side and started shouting “KAREN !” but she wouldn’t wake up. I was very concerned, as normally she wakes up when I shout at her. In the end, I had to slap her around a bit. Well, that would have been nice, but instead, I grabbed each arm and gently shook her, shouting Karen as I did so. It took a few attempts, but she did wake up, and she was crying when she woke up. We got up for a cup of tea, and had to watch some programs to take her mind off her dream.

The following day kp was in a hell of a state. She was 100% TOTALLY KNACKERED, physically and mentally.

Doreen came, but they stayed around the house mostly, preparing some roses to be planted later in the week. Syd had brought a new whiteboard for the kitchen door so that kp can see what’s coming up later in the week.

Doreen had recorded something that made me laugh.

She was dead right, and I drew the little face and “LOL”.

The rest of the week was all about kp recovering from Tuesday. Even last night (friday), kp was still bad. She had spoke to Steve (physio) earlier in the day and he said there was no point he was coming if she was in such a state. Last night, I was concerned that there could be something else causing so much pain (like the morphine patches wearing off), but am pleased to report that she is a little better today.

To summarise the week, it has been a bit of a roller-coaster, with Doreen proving to be an excellent choice for the role. I think, for Karen, it has been too full-on. And she is exhausted. You think that would improve her sleep, but far from it. Her sleep is worse this week than the previous week.

One day, i got up at 5am, and kp was fast asleep in the front room.

Karen is used to having some quiet time, but she doesn’t get that now, ‘cos Doreen is constantly around. It will take kp a while to get used to company 24/7 and being active all day.

Watch this space. Time will tell if things improve. I hope and think they will !

Late blog this week, because we have been to Lanzarote for a week in the sun and it was gorgeous !!

We went last Sunday with Dave and Helen (who we’d met in Egypt last year). It was absolutely brilliant. The weather was absolutely perfect with the only downside was the nights were a bit chilly (16′C) and you couldn’t quite get away with shorts and t-shirts. But the days were 100% the perfect temperature at about 25′C.

The idea was that I would go diving and complete my Advanced Open Water diving course, and Helen could keep kp company. Dave is a Master Scuba Diver so he was keen to dive as well. Together Helen and Karen make a good pair, because Karen’s brain injury means she is not 100% safe on her own (road crossings, trip hazards), which Helen can make up for, and Karen is probably a bit more physically able than Helen (who broke her back a couple of years ago) and so can push her (on the flat) in the wheelchair. The only downside is that Karen has persistent sleep problems and so remains asleep a lot of the days so they didn’t get to do too much. Also, Karen can’t take too much in as she suffers from information overload easily, so long chats tired her.

My advanced open water course was great. I did it with Calipso Diving (http://www.calipso-diving.com/) and the instructors were absolutely brilliant. Very knowledgeable, very safety-oriented and lots of fun. The course consisted of 5 dives, each one of a different nature. So, I ended up doing a dive focussed on fish identification, one on navigation, a wreck dive, a deep dive (32m) and a night dive. Very different to Sharm-al-Sheikh, but just as enjoyable. I also did one further dive with Dave, where we did a deep dive on a wreck called The Rabat. Saw all sorts of marine life (Octopus, Angel Sharks (lots of them!), Barracuda, Groupers, Wrasse, Spider Crabs). The night dive was a particular highlight. Very eery, but amazing at the same time. At one point, our group sat on the bottom of the ocean in a circle (at around 12m), turned off our torches and then the instructor (Debs), waved her hands in the sea, and loads of minute particles of light spun from her hands. Some sort of irridescent algae. Amazing ! On the last dive, we did The Rabat was absolutely covered in Sea Urchins. They are like black tennis balls (with blue streaks on them), with loads of spikes coming off them (about 6inches per spike). Well, I only went and put my hand on one (in error), and got a load of spike lodged in my finger. Ow !! When you bleed at 30m, it comes out blacky green ! One of the funniest moments for me, was when we went diving at Marla. Marla is a naturist beach – and I kid you not when I tell you this…………..After a 40 minute dive, I surfaced at the steps and THE FIRST THING I SAW when my head was out of the water was a penis and a pair of testicles hovering over me. Circumcised for those that want the extra detail.

As for Karen, she loved the temperatures and they didn’t half make a difference to her movements. Her sleep was all to pot still, staying awake most of the nights and sleeping until noon, but when she was awake, she enjoyed the island with Helen and Dave making various little excursions.

We did some things together as well. For example, on one day we all went to Puerto de Calero (a very wealthy area of the island). Karen, Helen and I wanted to go on a REAL submarine that took you down to about 40m to see all the marine life and a couple of wrecks. The BIG obstacle that we had established before we got there, was that to get into the submarine there were about 10 near-vertical steps on a ladder. But, kp and Helen were both adamant they were going to do it – AND THEY DID ! Thankfully, the rungs were proper flat steps. I had permission from Dave to touch Helen’s arse to help her get up and down the steps, and by virtue of marriage, no permission was required for kp’s arse. And by me going behind them, and taking it a step at a time, we got them both down AND up. They both high-fived each other when they got down there.

The submarine was great. kp found she had to stoop down a bit to see out of our porthole, but she persevered. We saw all sorts of fish. At one point a diver came down and fed the fish and they were swarming round him. Here are the photos from Puerto Calero and the submarine.

Another day, we all went to Timanfaya (the fire mountains) and it was amazing. We had hired a car for the week to do all these trips and some of the scenery we drove through was amazing. They had roads straight through fields of lava. Here are some pictures of Timanfaya.

One of the best things at Timanfaya was they showed the heat that was still only a few feet underground. They had a 10foot hole and they chucked some wood into it, and it smoked and caught fire. They also had some pipes that had been drilled into the earth and they poured water down and it immediately turned to steam with a big bang (causing the little kids/babies to scream and cry). I tried to catch this on a foto, but the timing was out, and I caught the tail end of it.

The earth was so hot, that the kitchen (of the restaurant at the top) were cooking chicken over it !

So, all in all, a great holiday, something we both needed. Beautiful temperatures, good company and generally a nice break. Back to the grindstone tomorrow (for both of us).

Karen is already starting to get a bit anxious about the onslaught of all the rehab team (Incl Doreen and Syd). She is close to tears as I type this. Fingers crossed, she will get through the day.

Here is a photo of the hotel cats that frequented the balconies….

David took his camera along, so there may be more photos in time.

Not the most eventful week this week. Busy day for kp on Tuesday (our first day back after hols). Syd (Case Manager) and Doreen (Support Worker) came, then Steve (physio) later in the morning. Steve tried to hone kp’s balancing skills. She was asked to stand on one leg for as long as she could. She did about 3-4 seconds. He then got her to try sitting on the wobbleboard for 20 minutes or so and balancing and when he then asked her to repeat the balancing on one leg trick, she managed nearer 10 seconds !!! In the afternoon, Rachel came and she asked Doreen to try the relaxation techniques with Karen. Well, with Karen’s sleep STILL being all to pot, Karen nearly fell asleep. Although she didn’t tell me, I feel sure there would have been a few snores and her waking herself up !

Thursday, a chap came from the Job Centre to check kp’s current health state and in the afternoon she went to the Arnison Centre with Doreen to get a few things in.

Friday was Bank Holiday so we had a nice walk with the dogs, despite the blizzard conditions. Saturday the same, but the weather was treacherous and neither of us enjoyed the walk, but kp was adamant she wanted to go. Sunday much the same, but with nicer weather. Pain has been a bit of an issue this weekend. By the time Sunday had been and gone, kp had done 3 long (for kp) walks with me and the dogs. She had to take some top-up morphine tablets last night and has instructed me to walk the dogs myself today (BH monday)

Sorry about this week’s blog entry. Pretty dull week really.

Good week this week. Sleep still remains the BIG issue.

Monday was the Bank Holiday. Sleep has been a BIG problem recently, and kp has been getting very little sleep, so the weekend she took off from her sleep contract and we did lots of snoozing and tv watching. And a nice walk with the dogs.

Tuesday – she went (with Doreen) to physio at Steve’s gym (in Seaham). Steve had got a table tennis table out and they started off by having a go at that. kp couldn’t hit the ball initially. Steve was unaware about kp’s lack of sight in her right eye, which makes it harder for her to see the distance of an object.

After a few missed balls, Steve played a ball diagonally across the table and kp could hit it – weird ! After that, it became a lot easier and she described it to me as “instinctive”. (a word that she couldn’t find, but when I said it, she shouted “Yes”)

After 10 minutes of that, Steve took her to a beam (6 inches off the floor, 4 inches wide) and with Steve helping her, she walked along it (sideways). Once she had done that, she did it again (one foot in front of another). Very impressive – wish I was there ! The idea behind everything he is doing at the moment is improving balance. He then got Karen to try “marching” (like a soldier). Not sure exactly what the purpose of this one was. For some reason, Karen couldn’t march, she couldn’t get the hang of putting the arms forward in time with the legs. No matter how much she was told about it, it didn’t work.

Rachel came to the house in the afternoon. They discussed a new bath seat for Karen. Currently, I lower her into the bath, but it means she can only have a bath if I am around. They are looking into a one that is lowered and raised by pumping in or releasing air. Rachel is going to bring a box of stuff to help Karen’s hand movements this (coming) week.

The following day (Wednesday) Karen and Doreen went to the Metro Centre. Karen reported she had used a few expletives with Doreen when discussing her sleeping patterns. It’s really getting to kp. They had a nice time apparently, with a nice lunch out.

Thusday saw them visit “Whickham Villa”, a hydrotherapy pool and gym. Karen absolutely loved it. She said she was made to feel very welcome and the surroundings were great. She didn’t actually do any of the stuff, as it was more of a “check it out” kind of visit. She is going to definitely go in the future. I think she is going on tuesday of next week. After that, Doreen took her to see the neuropsychologist. Quite a few tears as they discussed a few things that were still quite raw.

On friday, they went to Seaham again to see Steve the physio. Not a good session AT ALL. Karen would get all into an activity, and then someone would come in, and they had to move rooms. Apparently, this happened twice. And when they got to the final room, Steve got one of those big exercise balls which they did some stuff with, only for someone to come along and ask if THEY could have the ball. This is where Karen should have used her dictionary of expletives and the word “Off”.

Satuday – we went for a lovely walk with the dogs and had some snoozes, watching some cracking tv. No sooner had we got back from the walk and the heavens opened.

Sunday – Mum and Dad came up and we went to “The Pump House” for Sunday lunch. Delicious. Thanks for coming up M+D. 

Here is a picture of them outside The Pump House.

Sleep and exhaustion are pulling kp down and I fear the start of a downward spiral, but the week wasn’t without a few good moments.

Monday was uneventful. kp most definitely needed a day like today.
Tuesday and Doreen took kp to Whickham Villa where they had a bit of a pamper day, with some physio mixed in. Steve (physio) met them there and they went into the gym and did all the Steve stuff out of the water and with Steve they then went into the hydropool and did a variety of exercises. Then it was relaxation and pamper time. Karen went into the flotation device. From kp’s description, it wasn’t like your normal flotation device where you get in an enclosed pod. This was more-suited for rehab patients. kp was winched in. And then they turned some heat lamps on that heated kp from above. They then left her on her own. The idea being that you don’t have ANY stimulation, no light, no sense of hot/cold, no noise etc…. Karen really enjoyed it and bizarrely didn’t fall asleep (not sure I fully believe that one). The girls then had their nails done. It was a lovely day overall. They were certainly there most of the day, and they didn’t come back until after I had got back from work (approx 6.30pm)

Wednesday – Rachel (OT) came and brought a box of stuff for hand movements, rice, elastic bands, playdoh, etc…She showed Doreen and kp some warm-up exercises, and left them with the suggestion of making a schedule up. Doreen had the afternoon off as Angela (fellow car crash victim) was visiting. Lots of catching up to do as it had been a while since they had last met and again they were still in full gossip mode when I returned from work.

As I am writing this, it is dawning on me that I am not writing down Karen’s lack of sleep. I started to record (ages ago) kp’s sleep patterns, but I have fallen out of the habit. But, suffice to say, that a typical night’s sleep is as follows :-

11pm – kp to bed (with dp)
12am – kp up, stlll tired, but unable to sleep.

5am – kp comes to bed and sleeps until
6.30am

6.30am – dp gets up to watch some tv and have breakfast, kp gets up to have a cup of tea
6.45am/7am – kp goes back to sleep when I go to work and sleeps until about 9/9.30am and is then up for the whole day

Not good – in fact, I am really worrying about kp now, but I’ll go more into that later.

Thursday saw kp and Doreen go to a place suggested by Rachel (OT) to look at bath aids. I think they found a much better (and safer) way of getting kp in the bath. Currently, I lower her in which isn’t so bad, but then I lift her out and it absolutely knacks me in. But, the old chair we had left kp 6 inches out of the bath (small exaggeration !)

Friday and the physio session was at Seaham leisure centre. The last visit to Seaham Leisure centre had been a bit of a debacle. I am pleased to report it was much improved with Steve having a room booked with the relevant kit.

Saturday and Sunday have been a bit dire. Normally, we go for dog walks and do something together, but this week kp has been exhausted. She just wanted to stay around the house. I went out with Dave (diving buddy) to get some diving gear at a dive shop in Whitley Bay on Saturday. I left the shop over £800 worse off (and that’s after discount) – YIKES ! Why ? Because I am going t’Egypt in a week’s time aboard a liveaboard boat for a week to do some diving in the Red Sea with Dave – can’t wait. Ronnie is kindly staying with kp for a week and I believe Jane is coming over as well, so some MAJOR girl’s talk (or surgery) as they call it will be going on.

For kp, saturday and sunday have seen kp sleep most of the day with the usual treacherous night’s sleep. I wrote the following email to Syd today in the hope that something can be done about various things….

Syd

I hope this email finds you well.

I am writing about Karen. I am concerned.

I think she is starting a bit of a downward slip and I think we have the chance to nip it in the bud. Karen doesn’t know I am writing this email.

Tiredness – Karen is struggling with exhaustion at the moment. She is probably only getting 2 to 3 hours sleep per night, despite all the work she is doing with Doreen, Matt, Rachel, Steve etc….This is affecting a number of things ……

1. Her mental state (and this is the most worrying). I feel she is on the verge of a downward spiral unless we nip it in the bud.
2. Her speed of thinking – I am finding that on the evenings (with me), Karen is getting increasingly slower in conversation and although (since the accident) I have always had to pause and resume tv programs to explain the storyline and what’s happened, this is most definitely on the up. Obviously, this IS NOT a problem to me, but it’s a sign about kp’s mental health.
3. Her zest for life is definitely on the wane. Before, she would be looking forward to doing things on the weekend (with me) ie visiting family, going out – walking the dogs etc…..I am finding she just wants to stay around the house – this maybe just her way of recovering from a week of activities, but it’s not a move in the right direction (from my perspective).

Another area of concern (after discussion with kp) is (certain specialist (name deleted)). I don’t feel Karen is “connecting” with her. Karen thinks she is good at her job, but when kp used to leave Pip’s sessions, she was, without exception, positive and had a new lease of life. Karen has said she should give her another session or 2 to give her chance to win through, but I don’t get a good gut feeling.

For the first time, at about 5am this morning, kp said she just wanted all the rehab to end and for people to accept how she is. This is very out of character for kp as she is biggest fighter I know, but it’s another example of how exhaustion is pulling her down.

So, way forward – well, I think you’re the expert Syd and would welcome your comments, but my gut is the following……

1. Crack the sleeping problem (easier said than done I know)
2. Get Pip back on the case (losing (certain specialist))

Now, I know kp won’t necessarily agree on point 2. But, I am just telling you my opinion on the right way forward.

I do think there is a little time to stop a big fall in kp’s mental state, but we’re not talking months, more, weeks to sort it out.

I feel better for sharing my concerns, but we need action to prevent major issues.

dp

PS – tamazepam – for the past 8 weeks or so, we have been getting kp weaned off Tamazepam (sleeping tablet). It’s going really well. She was on 2 x 20mg a night sometimes 3. By reducing them 1/4 of a tablet per week, she is now down to half a tablet a night. Karen occasionally takes more, but only on a sporadic basis, when she is absolutely desperate for sleep. I know it’s easy to say that this is why her sleep is worse, but the sleeping problems were there before we started the gradual reduction.

So, not the best of weeks. Here are some photos (courtesy of Dave (diving buddy))……

Here is a shot of the hotel….We were in one of the groundfloor apartments in the distance.

Here is a picture of kp, me and Helen. This was taken on the last day at a restaurant by the sea.

Here is a picture taken when Dave and I were diving. In the background, you can see one of the beautiful, but designed by the devil, Sea Urchins. This is the thing that I put my finger on and got some sea urchin lodged in my finger and couldn’t get it out. PLUS in the foreground a spider crab which crawled on my hand on a previous dive.

Here is a picture of Brad Pitt, or is it me…..

Here is an angel shark. Dave was in front of this and due to some unfortunate timing he missed the full frontal picture of it swimming towards him, but managed this one of him getting away.

Here is a picture of a cuttlefish. This is the one that moves itself along by moving it’s skirt like a snake.

One of David’s best pictures of the holiday. A close-up of a Moray Eel.

All the above pictures are copyrighted to David Kingdon.

Well, not a good start to the week.

A mid-week blog entry is testament to that !

Monday was physio, nothing too out of the ordinary there.

Tuesday saw us go to an appointment with Mr Tulloch. He is an orthopedic medico-legal expert for the other side. He was a lovely man and made kp feel very at ease. He started with loads of questions about how the accident happened, how she ended up in the hospital for a hip replacement etc etc….. And then an examination, where he moved all her limbs into weird and wonderful positions.

We also went to see Margaret, Tracey, Mark, Megan and Thomas as they were up from Southampton. It was lovely to catch up with them – shame we didn’t have more time.

Thanks for a lovely meal Marge !

Here are some photos taken with them…….

Here are Mark, Megan and Cherry…..

PICTURE TO FOLLOW

Here are Thomas and Tracey (taken by Megan !!)

PICTURE TO FOLLOW

The big news of the week is last night. Karen was fine at the start of the day. She did some physio with Steve and Doreen – in the form of marching up and down the hall. All fine !

She sat down for a cup of tea with Doreen and a while later, she couldn’t get up without a lot of pain – more worryingly, she couldn’t walk !! She rang me at work, and was resigned to see if it improved later in the day.

When I got home, she could still hardly walk. We decided to see if a bath would help. Go back in time to Feb 07 and this is exactly what we did when the hip went last time, but sometimes this does help and she gets out of the bath feeling a little better.

We struggled to get her in the bath and struggled even more to get her out. It was time to go to the hospital. These are the worst times. Your brain goes into overdrive. kp is desperately trying to avoid another stay in hospital, I don’t want to be the permanent visitor again. Horrid thoughts.

Typical kp – she did some “walking” (!!!!!) after the bath and…..

kp:- I think it’s alright you know !

She was basically hopping from her left foot to her left foot, tenderly putting her right foot down for less than a 1/10th of a second.

I persuaded her to go to hospital. She knew in her heart it was the right thing to do.

So, by 7.15 pm we were at the hospital. The usual long waits. After about 2 hours, she was put on a bed and promptly fell asleep. (no pain when she wasn’t weight bearing).

Here is kp in a moment of pain…..(not intentionally took at that moment, I hasten to add)

PICTURE TO FOLLOW

Eventually, she was seen by a doctor and sent for an x-ray. They took about 4 of them and after an anxious wait, the doctor came in to explain, to our GREAT relief, that the hip was still fine, as was the pelvis.

Apparently, the pain was probably caused by some piece of bone chipping off either the pelvis or the hip and is to be expected because of all the injuries kp had.

We were SO relieved. We were convinced she was staying in.

When we got home, we had a cup of tea and went to bed. kp took some more top-up morphine tablets. She must have been in a lot of pain, because she took a 50mg morphine, when she normally takes 10mg.

She didn’t have a good night. I insisted she wear the emergency button if she got up in the night, because if she fell, I wouldn’t wake up (heavy sleeper). I think she wore it, ‘cos it wasn’t where I left it.

So eventful start to the week. She is very muggy today (the morphine no doubt) and she says the pain is a little better. Looking forward to getting home to see for myself.

Well, I am very relieved to report that Karen is back to her old self again. Very strange that episode and I hope it doesn’t repeat itself.

Sleeping still to pot, but she seems to have got in a routine that suits. She stays up all night until 6am and comes to bed until about 9.30am/10am (depending on what time her day starts (ie when Doreen arrives)).

Today (Saturday), we went for a nice walk with the dogs. She has been practicing marching and did a bit on the walk today, but finds it quite tiring.

Tomorrow, I am going diving in Egypt with Dave for a week.

Karen has the girls coming up (Jane and Ronnie). She got a bit tearful in the week at the thought of a week of company. It’s nothing personal girls, I think it was exhaustion-driven and the thought of not being able to sleep when she needs it.She’s looking forward to it now.

I have had to leave instructions on how to work the dvd player, but apart from that I think she should be ok.

In the words of Peter Kay….

I’ve…..

“Booked it, Packed it, F+cked off”

Miss you love !

dp

xxxxx

All of these photos are courtesy (and copyrighted to) David Kingdon.

There may be more in time, but these are the ones he thought may be of interest for the blog. There will be a normal blog entry this weekend to summarise the last 2 weeks for kp.

I had an awesome holiday with a great Dive Buddy in Dave (who took these photos)….Here is the boat (middle one) – The SnapDragon….

Here is me partying with the crew on the last night….

This next one is a picture taken of the gun of the Thistlegorm wreck.

The Thistlegorm was a large boat carrying supplies to the English Army. It was carrying 20+ BSA Meteor motorbikes, 2 steam trains, lots of flatbed lorries when it was blown up by the Germans. This is a picture of the gun of the Thistlegorm. What’s not clear from this photo is that the gun is actually at an angle of about 45′ pointing towards the seabed and David was about 8m underneath the gun when he took this photo.

You can just picture me on the left hand side, pretending to fire the gun.

Here is me looking at some little fishes….

Here is one of a large Moray Eel. When this was taken, we were the last ones out of the water, so we thought we had found it and were dead chuffed. They can be quite dangerous, so you can see a bit of fear in my eyes and a bit of caginess in my posture……Little did we know that this was a friendly (to divers) Moray Eel… and that the Dive Guide had been showing others how to stroke it.

Apparently, it reacted like a dog being stroked…..

Here is a nice one of a Bur Fish (type of Puffer I think)…. About the size of a large shoebox…..

And my personal favourite moment of the dive….was swimming with this turtle…who wasn’t phased at all by me being within a 1m of him…..

Today is the 3 year anniversary since the accident !

Yikes !

Well, bit of a gap in the blog, because of my Red Sea diving trip.

Jane and Ronnie spent the week with Karen. Thanks girls.

Karen thought they may be watching a DVD while I was away, but unfortunately we don’t have a DVD player in the front room, we just use the xbox to play dvds. Not a problem when I am there, ‘cos I always control it. But, the girls wouldn’t have a clue how to do it on the xbox.

So, I had to leave “step-by-step” instructions because there was no way kp could take in all of this…..

They had a great week.I had an awesome diving trip.

Here are a couple more photos…..

Here is one of the VERY few photos of my dive buddy Dave (left).

Mahmood is the youngest of the crew (right), and if we kept him supplied with fags, he’d make sure we had 10% more air (220 bar).

On one of the days, we visited an island in the middle of the Red Sea (totally deserted).

On it, there was a Sea Eagle’s nest. As we approached the nest, the Sea Eagle flew up and went up and down the coastline, until we retreated back. Here’s what he was protecting…..2 Baby Sea Eagle chicks…..They didn’t fly off, probably because they hadn’t fledged yet, but they knew exactly how to “play dead”….

Here is a picture from our boat (SnapDragon), of 2 dolphins swimming within 20m of the boat. As with all photos, clicking on them instantly makes them “Go Large”.

Another one of me, but this time with some small fish and some fire coral. The white tips (if you touch them) give you a nasty rash.

I think this is at the Thistlegorm – me putting my head through a porthole….

This is the Thistlegorm again. It had 2 steam trains on the deck and with the force of the explosion they were thrown 20m off the deck.

Nice sunset….

Octopus with good camouflage…..

Me posing again……

This is a stonefish. The most deadliest fish on the planet. You really don’t want to step on one of these or touch one. The pain (en route to death) is supposed to be unimaginable. The trouble is their camouflage is so amazing they are VERY hard to spot.

I texted Karen 2 or 3 times a day while I was away and rang her whenever the signal would allow, but it was still great to be back with her.

We are so rarely apart nowadays that missing each other happens so quickly. It’s a shame she couldn’t come, but although there were quite a few calm days where she would have been fine(ish), there were also some less calm days where she wouldn’t have been able to walk at all without falling over. There was one particularly rough day where noone could walk at all. We were being tossed everywhere. You had to crawl on all fours, and going down the “near vertical” steps between decks, was very treacherous.

Back to “real life” now…..

This last week saw everything return to “normality”.

Few tears, and tiredness remains the predominant issue.

I had took the monday off, ‘cos I didn’t get back until about 2am on the monday morning.

The first day back was pretty much filled with sleep and catching up with kp.

Tuesday, I was on a course, but could only attend for the morning, as we had the MDT meeting. (multi-disciplinary team meeting). This was one of the ones where the solicitors didn’t come. They had a name for it (something like therapeutic). It was good to get everyone’s input.

Present were Steve (physio), Rachel (OT), Ann (NP), Doreen, Syd, kp and me. Basically, they go round the table and everyone goes through how Karen is doing.

She has done so well since this rehab period started.

Steve said that initially she had scored 48/56 on some balance scale and that she was now a 56/56 !!! Big improvement. He has to now move her to a different scale to measure balance and warned her not to expect a good score initially.

Rachel also complimented kp on her commitment and progress. She had some scales that she measured kp on and there was improvement again !!!

Ann (neuro-psychologist) hadn’t completed the assessments yet, because every time kp had attended, they had HAD to refocus on to getting kp’s mood up, as she often got upset at the sessions. She is going to try and complete the assessments over the next few sessions.

Syd agreed that she had made great progress.

He also mentioned that he had bought Karen a Wii-Fit. It’s a nintendo wii with sort of a weighing mat, but it has LOADS of super things for Karen to help her improve her balance. I am really pleased at this, because I think kp will REALLY enjoy it, and it’s something we can do together !!

The following day, we had to go and see Mr Wilkinson.

Long story short….. We saw our GP a few months back about Karen’s pain. It was getting bad for kp.

Let’s say she was on 400mg Fentanyl per day (the maximum allowed), we had nowhere to go with the pain and referred us on to Mr Khalil (pain consultant specialist). He agreed she was on the max dosage of Fentanyl (morphine patch) and suggested Dorsal Columm Stimuation and referred us on to Mr Eldabe who recommended Intrathecal Drug Delivery. Our local GP said he would put her up to 600mg Fentanyl as there was a more long term solution on the horizon.

ok…..bearing all that in mind……

Our solicitor approached “the other side”’s solicitor to seek funding for this expensive intrathecal drug delivery. They looked into it with their medico-legal people and came back and said “we want to be sure that this is the right move” because of the costs and also the fact, it involved surgery again for kp.

Would we mind getting a second opinion ?

Well, we didn’t mind at all. kp didn’t really want this solution anyway and would have preferred the Dorsal Column Stimulation (which still required surgery, but wasn’t reliant on morphine etc….)

So, Mr Wilkinson was the second opinion. Nice bloke. He asked us LOADS of questions and in the end he couldn’t decide which way to go. He summed it up as follows……

With the status quo, the pain is under control, but with the 600mg Fentanyl, kp is well over the maximum dose and risks damage to the Endocrine system, plus she has to struggle on with all the bowel issues from such high doses of Fentanyl.

On the other side, if she went down the Intrathecal Drug Delivery route, she runs the risk of Meningitis (the spinal cord sac thing can get infected apparently), and she would have to go to the hospital every 4-8 weeks to get the pump refilled.

The bowels would probably be much improved.

Rock and Hard Place.

He really couldn’t decide the best route to take and asked us what we thought and he would be guided by the patient’s opinion. We didn’t know either way.

So, we were left in limbo land. He said he would do some thinking after we had left and write a response.

So….. ??????

At one point, he said to Karen (and I could have hit him !)…..

Mr Wilkinson :- “There isn’t really anywhere we can go with your pain relief”.

At this point, I could see Karen well up, but she managed to keep the tears at bay !!! Well done love !

It bugs me when things like this happen…..

That is “BIG NEWS” to anyone on maximum pain relief and it just slipped out. Grrrr !!

Karen kept asking him questions from a patient’s perspective (good on ya kp), but Mr Wilkinson had to keep saying that he is not seeing her on a consultant basis, but from a medico-legal perspective and so he couldn’t really go down that route of questionning. Basically, he was saying, I have been told to give my professional opinion to “the other side’s” solicitor about what I think is the best course of action for pain relief.

kp didn’t really get this

The tears started rolling whilst we were on our way back home. She had latched on to some of his comments and she got upset that there may be nowhere to go for the pain relief etc etc…..

Very sad. Hearing something like this has a knock-on effect on lots of other thought processes for kp and the rest of the week saw kp very subdued.

kp wasn’t her full self.

On the friday night, Ethan came over, and then an hour after he arrived, he wanted to go back to his mum. He’s 10 and wasn’t feeling very well, so I took him home.

Yesterday, we went to see Marie’s new dog “Strike”.

Gorgeous lurcher – lovely nature.Here he is……

That’s it for this last week. I hope Karen’s mood improves. She is seeing Ann (the NP) this week. So it really could go either way !!!

A truly awful week. Karen has been sooooo low. It all started on the Sunday night, although if I am honest, it probably started a few months ago but kp has been putting on a brave face since then. kp’s mood had been low for a while, and we were talking about it. She was concerned that her low mood brought me down too. Well, of course it does,  but I tried my best to explain that this wasn’t her fault and that when you’re married, you share the highs and lows together. That’s what marriage is all about. I also explained that it would be the same if roles were reversed. But, she bears an enormous amount of guilt over the fact (in her eyes), she is “bringing me down”. Discussions, later in the week, veered more towards the fact she wanted me to leave her. Obviously, when she says these kinds of things, there are floods of accompanying tears. I keep reassuring her that I WILL NOT be leaving her and that I love her, but she only sees the negatives and reads things into the situation. All part of the depression (according to the experts).

The Sunday night saw Karen so desperate to “GET OUT OF IT” that she was going to take 6 x 20mg Tamazepam. A normal dose is 10mg. kp normally takes 10 or 20mg, 40mg MAX, but never 120mg !!! Thankfully, we stopped that from happening, but things are that bad at the moment. The Sunday night was awful, and we were up until the wee hours. I had told her I wouldn’t be going to work tomorrow (monday) and that we would get the right help in place !! I was that desperate to get help for her, I called everyone under the sun, Syd (Case Manager), Ann (NP) and I even played the Joker and called our usual Saviour in these circumstances (Pip) but unfortunately, I couldn’t get hold of her.

In the morning, Rachel (the OT) came and a lady arrived to demo a Bath Bubble. It’s a bag of air that kp sits on and lowers her into the bath. It was quite nifty.

After that, we were already due to have an appointment with the neuropsychologist (NP) Ann in the afternoon, so we attended that. There were lots of tears. Ann feels that kp has some of the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that she needs specialist help for this. As soon as she has completed her assessments, she has referred us on to a specialist in this area. The sooner this happens the better. Ann pressed ahead and we did all these cognitive-type tests. We didn’t really learn anything new, but Ann confirmed that kp suffers from a variety of cognitive issues, spatial awareness, poor working memory, etc etc…..

With the tests done, we headed home where Syd was waiting for us. He had kindly come up at short notice given kp’s mindset. He had some cracking things to say, and kp DID listen intently, but with depression, I know from experience, that you just see the negative in things and thus it was for kp.

The week generally has been full of tears. At one point, kp was desperate for me to “have a good life” and leave her. At another, she was desperately sad at the thought of losing me and that I would want to leave her. Of course, I do my best to persuade her that I love her SO MUCH, and I think she knows it deep down, but at the same time she still thinks I am going to leave. I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU LOVE, EVER !!! Until Death Do Us Part ! xxxxx

So, without harping on about a real bad week. here is the rest of the week….

Tuesday, Syd was back again to meet with kp and Social Services who were visiting for a review. He brought with him the Wii-Fit.

Wednesday -  Sue Brady (ex work colleague) was due to visit kp at home, but kp had been out with Doreen to try and lift her mood and had to come home early, ‘cos she felt sick. So she had to postpone Sue. I think this is the 2nd or 3rd time she has had to postpone Sue. Nothing personal Sue, I know she is keen for a catchup !

Thursday – Syd had told kp to push on with the rehab programme. To say kp’s heart isn’t in it is an understatement, but I don’t think it has been in it for a month or so, yet she has still given it 110%. So, she carried on with the physio session with Steve. I think they did some Wii-Fit stuff.

Friday – Doreen came and did some gardening with kp. Together they did an absolutely marvellous job of the back yard. Not a weed in site.

Saturday – kp didn’t want to be awake at all.

kp:- I’d rather be dead

So, she slept (with me) most of the day.

Sunday – we were due to lunch with Dave and Helen, but kp wasn’t up for it, so we had to postpone that too.

Last night, we had a REALLY good talk in bed. I was on fire and really felt like I had said all the right things. It went something like this…..

dp:- You’ve come out of depression before love.
kp:- Have I ? When ?
dp:- Well…….Remember when your mam died, that was an absolutely awful time and it felt like you would never get over that. If I had asked you at the time, that your feelings would lift, you would have said they wouldn’t. But, time is a great healer and eventually they did lift, didn’t they ?
kp:- yes
dp:- Do you remember when we couldn’t have kids, and we did the Adoption thing and we got approved and then had to pick kids to adopt. And then we said we couldn’t go through with it. You had a bit of a breakdown then and you were really depressed, weren’t you ?
kp:- yes
dp:- But, you came out of that then didn’t you ?
kp:- yes
dp:- Do you know what ?
kp:- What ?
dp:- I think I know what the key is to lifting your mood.
kp:- What ?
dp:- I think you need to accept what has happened and then you’ll be able to move on.
kp:- What do you mean ?
dp:- Well, when your mam died, you didn’t accept that she had died for a LONG time, did you ?
kp:- No
dp:- But, eventually, you did accept it, and that’s when you could handle living with it, couldn’t you
kp:- Yes
dp:- Same with the Adoption

dp:- And I think it is the same with this, love. You need to accept that you have had a car accident. And yes, you do have some injuries from that that are still affecting your life. Your head injury does make you a bit slower. The pelvis injury does make it harder to walk etc etc…….But you can still do so much. You CAN still walk around the house and outside. You can still talk with friends and have good conversations, you can still go on holiday, there is SO much you can do. So, i think the key is to accept what has happened and then move on.

I was really pleased with myself, because it made so much sense to me and it had all unravelled in my head as I was speaking it. kp was less than enthusiastic, but with kp, things take time to sink in, so fingers crossed, I may have started a chain of thought processes off….

And finally….

I had been doing lots of reading this week about Depression and how to help people out of it. Unfortunately, there is no quick cure, and one of the key helping factors appear to be keeping yourself busy. We had discussed this and so we had decided to do lots today (Bank Holiday Monday). We made a concerted effort to have an active day.

We went to the Garden Centre, went shopping in M&S, Sainsburys and walked the dogs. Has it helped ? In a word, NO !

kp just wasn’t in the mood. She was apathetic around the shops, despite trying to enjoy it, and kept stumbling on the dog walk.

So…….

LOADS OF FINGERS CROSSED for this next week. I really hope things improve. Life is so sad at the moment for kp. She really needs some happy times !

Love u kp
xxxxx

Well, still not seen a good week generally, but some enjoyment was had by the end of the week.

Tuesday saw us go for the final assessment with Ann (the Neuropsychologist). She did some more tests that allow Ann to see where Karen struggles. The idea is that Ann can pass this on to kp’s next neuro-specialists so that they can adapt the way they treat Karen. ie it has been established that Karen takes things in slowly and has a poor working memory, so the counter-action is that the sessions will be more frequent and slower paced. The next specialist is a lady called Jane who specialises is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The meeting with Ann was not a very pleasant one for kp, as Ann took time to explain the results of the tests to Karen. She did so in a way that Karen understood and translated the techy terms into practical examples….eg…..

Poor Working Memory – Karen will need to explain to people she has had a brain injury and ask them to go through things slowly. She may have to take notes.

Poor Spatial Awareness – Karen got upset when Ann explained that shopping at the Metro Centre would not be possible on her own and even shopping in Durham may be a difficult one to achieve without someone coming along as she would get lost and stressed with it. These are all things Karen knows deep down inside, but as I have mentioned previously in the blog countless times, when kp hears it from someone official, it really hits home.

There were quite a few more examples, but the worst one and the one that got Karen hysterically upset was when Ann said definitively that Karen would NOT be able to drive again (for the safety of others and herself). I had told Karen before that it was unlikely she would be able to drive again, but hearing it from Ann was unbearable for Karen. As soon as Ann said that, Karen just “wanted to go home”. She cried the whole way home and the next few days saw Karen go very introvert. In her own words…..

kp:- I feel dead inside.

Very sad. She has been subdued all week and I know there is more upset and realisation to come.

Wednesday saw kp and I go to the dentist. Here’s one good bit of health news re Karen – she has a great set of teeth. No work needed doing and for a change I was the same !

Steve (Physio) came a couple of times during the week. All the physio from the home this week (I think) and on the Friday they did some Wii-Fit stuff.

This weekend has been great and although kp is still not herself, we have been making the most of the absolutely gorgeous weather and have pretty much been outside the whole time gardening. I normally hate gardening, but have really enjoyed spending time with kp and seeing her find some enjoyment from us both doing it together. We have….

• Planted about 500 plants (well, probably 30, but my hips tell me it’s more like 500).
• Been to 3 garden centres – same one twice, because kp had forgot something we needed.
• Done the rose garden
• Cleared out the house gutters (loads of little Sycamores growing in them)
• Swept the drive

It’s been really good and it was great to see kp enjoy the best of the weather. She is such a fighter as well, because we did 2 dog walks as well and despite being in a lot of pain after the 1st day’s gardening (Saturday), she wanted to do more today. Thank god for morphine tablets for breakthru’ pain.

So, all in all, things not outwardly as bad as the previous week, and I expect we have more upset to come, but the weather has been very kind and we have definitely made the most of some gorgeous weather

Well, things are heading up, although monday night we definitely didn’t think so.

Monday was uneventful, the Tesco shop arrived and Doreen and kp put it all away. Rachel (OT) came and they discussed kp mood’s and did some exercises to de-sensitise kp’s arm. kp’s left arm is hypersensitive to touch. If I lightly touch it by accident, all hell breaks loose, it’s like I’ve sprayed acid on it, with the reaction I get. We had some lovely Lemon Sole Goujons for tea and kp started to feel sick (unrelated we think). As the night progressed, she felt more and more sick, and before bedtime, she was always a quick grab away from a sick bowl.

We had an early night, thinking that would help things and she had a sick bowl by her bedside. No sooner had we turned the light out, that she shouted…..

kp:- David, get me up !!

I did the normal push out of bed and went alongside her. She already had the sickbowl to hand and then the vomit spewed !! Poor kp. Don’t you just love this detail !! (sorry !) Towards the end of the vomiting, another load came out with “blood” in it. At that point, I was fretting, thinking….”Right, that’s it, we’ll have to go to the hospital”. “Another night in the hospital”, “She’ll have to stay in”, “She’ll hate that”, “It’ll bring her right down”, etc etc…..All these thoughts rushing through my head.

dp:- I think that’s blood love.

She could just make it out in the dim light of the room.

Close to full, I ran for another bowl, and took that in (with some wet wipes), and then took the “blood” filled bowl to the sink in the bathroom. With the light on, the blood looked a bit like ………. BROWN SAUCE !!! (which kp had had on her chips). So, we think it was brown sauce and to be honest, we were both happy to accept that to avoid another hospital trip at that time !

That was the end of the sickness for the week, so bit of a worry but it’s all over.

Tuesday, Syd (Case Manager) came and he had a long chat with Karen. In the afternoon, Doreen took kp to meet up with the physio (Steve) at the local gym. They have a trampoline that doesn’t require you to climb on it which kp had been on before with Steve. Today, she went on and started bouncing (with Steve alongside). As her confidence grew, she started doing it so much that her feet left contact the trampoline. Karen later told me that she was over the moon and had tears in her eyes. She couldn’t believe she had done it. She was so excited when she told me on the night time ! Later in the afternoon, Matt (the speech therapist) came and together they did some trial calls on the phone. kp struggles with speaking to people when they overload her with information. So, we were planning a big trip to the States which involved flights and booking of a motorhome (RV) and as you can imagine it’s quite a tricky thing to book, so together they practiced the phonecall and then did it for real.

Karen preempts the conversation with a little monologue (that I have mentioned before) that sets the expectation of the person on the receiving line to slow things down. Well, every person she phoned, said “No problem” and was very understanding UNTIL it came to actually “being patient”. The sticky point was always when Karen got confused about some information they had said, at which point one of them showed their impatience.

Karen :- It would only take a couple of calls like that, and I would lose the confidence to do it.

Matt agreed. Name and Shame time. TRAILFINDERS, have some patience !!

Matt showed Karen that it may help to have a piece of paper with fields that she can fill in which had been prepared before, but kp got a bit flustered when she used it, and the information was all over the sheet.

Wednesday, the girls (kp, Doreen and Adele) all cleared out the garage. It looks great ! Once that was done, they took the dogs for a walk.

kp is REALLY trying to keep active, because we think her sleep is improving (slightly) the more she is active !

Thursday saw Doreen and kp go to the Metro Centre shopping. As they were parking, Doreen bumped the car. kp was very unnerved by it. Doreen got out to inspect the damage, at which point, with kp still in, the car started moving. Rather than put the handbrake on, kp froze with fear. Not the best start to a shopping trip. Poor kp and poor Doreen (car a bit scratched).

Good news is – kp got your birthday present Dad !! We’ll bring it down next week !

Friday, kp had an appointment in Newcastle. I met kp there. It’s the one I can’t discuss, but suffice to say it went REALLY well ! We both came out feeling quite positive about kp’s wellbeing. Another physio in the afternoon, again at the gym.

We thought kp would be wrecked the following day, but she was still keen to walk the dogs. It was raining, but we still enjoyed a good dog walk, kp’s mood was in ascendance. It was Yvonne’s 50th party on the night time, but we didn’t attend. We didn’t want to risk it going bad, kp isn’t comfortable in big groups like she used to be. Hope you all had a good time. A bit of a scare on Saturday, ‘cos Strike (Marie’s dog) went missing. kp was on tenterhooks the whole day.

And today, we walked the dogs and decided to abandon the big American holiday (later in the year) in favour of some shorter holidays. But, good news about Strike – Freddie found him

So, things are looking up. Karen’s mood outwardly appears fine, but the best way to describe it is that she is “on autopilot”. She describes it as “nothing has meaning for her”, but she would agree that things are definitely better than they were !!

Better week generally.

Being blessed with good weather always seems to help kp’s mood. And she made the most of it on monday with a day of gardening. Doreen did the heavy work, and boy, did she do a good job. Well done Doreen and kp of course.

Tuesday saw kp go to get her hair and nails done. Steve (physio) came in the afternoon and they took the dogs out for a walk down the railway line. By the railway line is a downward slope to a stream, which the dogs ALWAYS go down to swim in the stream, but kp and I never do, but Steve got kp to go down by the stream. Well, the dogs couldn’t believe their luck and went absolutely manic with excitement. Steve got kp to do some balancing on old fallen trees. kp was really pleased with what she did.

Wednesday and Bonnie was wincing in pain. We think she was so excited the day before that she has overdone her hips (German Shepherds suffer from bad hips as they get older). So that was quite sad to see. I met up with kp and Doreen at the Lansdowne Clinic in Gosforth for a session with Jane (a clinical psychologist) mid-morning. It went very well, and we both took to her and think she can do a lot of good for kp. Of course, it wasn’t without upset. kp was fine until about 10 minutes before the end, when Karen asked …..

kp:- So, how do I accept that I won’t be the person I was before.
Jane :- Well, some people find it helpful to think of it as a journey from the person to that you were before, to the person you are going to be. And what we will try and do is to take as much of the person you were before on this journey, to this new you.

Well, she put it much better than that !

She gave some examples of real people who had “made the journey” and how their lives were different to their old lives, but that they enjoyed their new lives.

One of Karen’s biggest problems is that she has accepted the ramifications of the accident. It’s a bit like the 5 stages of grieving when you lose someone close to you. ….

Denial – The accident hasn’t happened
Anger  – What have I done to deserve this ?
Bargaining – Well, if I put 110% into my rehab, I WILL get back to my old self
Depression – Why bother ?
Acceptance – Actually, I have had an accident which HAS changed my life and it isn’t so bad after all

My take is that Karen has done Denial, Anger (which still recurs but less frequently), and is currently in the Bargaining/Depression stage.

I think Time and Jane’s sessions will definitely help move kp to a better place.

So, a few tears towards the end of the session with Jane. I went back to work, and the girls went to Peter Barratt’s Garden Centre and enjoyed a nice meal and bought some gardening goodies.

Matt (Speech Therapy) came in the afternoon and Karen soon broke down in tears. The upset geared around her not knowing how to make the transition from where she is now, to where she needs to be to enjoy life. They didn’t do any session work and I think Matt was so worried he phoned Syd (Case Manager) to share his concerns with him (I think, ‘cos Syd phoned that night).

Syd came round the following morning and had a long chat with Karen. When Doreen arrived, they lunched at home. Steve came at 4pm and they did “balancing on the ball”. Steve had previously brought around this large ball (that people do exercises with). But this session was also not without the tears. Steve was trying to expain to Karen how to do this certain exercise and Karen just couldn’t understand what he was saying. After numerous repeats of the information, Steve said….

Steve :- You’re making this more complicated than it is.

Karen got upset at this, because she felt like it was her that was being “stupid”. This is a good example of Karen and instructions. They have to be very short for her to understand them because of her small “working memory”. Steve knew he had explained it badly and apologised and showed her what he meant (re the exercise), and Karen could get it fine that way. Karen told Steve that she wouldn’t remember this for the next session so he would have to show her again.

Minor hiccup !

Another good example of how this kind of thing accepts Karen is Thursday night. We had decided to try and get into a good series of programmes (like Lost, 24 etc…) where there had already been a few series on the TV, so we could buy the boxset and watch one a night.

Well, I had got the first 2 episodes of “West Wing” and we thought we would try the first one. Well, it was EXTREMELY fast-paced and I could tell Karen wasn’t getting it, so we passed on that series. We’ll try something else. It’s quite sad really, ‘cos she would have previously enjoyed it.

Friday saw a quieter day for Karen. Marie and Glenn came over to pick something up and kp enjoyed their company plus the company of Strike (Marie’s dog).

Ups and Downs kind of week.

We went to Spain for the week with my family (Mum, Dad, Jane (sister), Guy and Sophie and Jamie). The weather wasn’t the usual Spanish weather. We can’t recall a day previously where we had had rain, but this week, it was like being in England for the majority of the week. Having said that, we were blessed with 2 or 3 good days, so we shouldn’t complain. On the day we came home, it was POURING down in Spain, and about 16′C and we landed in Newcastle with not a cloud in the sky and it was 20′C !!

Generally, it was a great week. It was nice to see my family and spend some time with them, especially the kids, who were lots of fun.

It was a very relaxing holiday. We had been given a self-help book about Post Traumatic Stress by Jane (the clinical psychologist treating kp at the moment) which made for good reading. It was quite deep at times (and too much for Karen), BUT it was really good. I underlined all the bits to read to Karen so she could see what PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) is all about and how to treat it. So much of what kp is experiencing at the moment is mirrored in the book and we both found it really helpful to know that there were reasons for what she was experiencing.

I managed to get in a day of diving (2 dives). The water felt really cold (19′C) even with a 5mm wet suit on and the vis didn’t compare to the Red Sea, but I still managed to see a tiny Moray Eel, an octopus and a big lobster. kp enjoyed the morning reading all about Katie Price (latest autobiography).

The downside of the week was kp found it hard (at times) to integrate with my family. It’s nothing personal to my family, she finds it similarly hard to integrate with her family (at times). She describes it as “I don’t fit in anymore”. One afternoon, things got so bad that she missed the evening meal completely. The following night she tried again, but she felt very isolated and I could kick myself because I didn’t notice as I was wrapped up messing with the kids. We had LOTS of tears that night when we got back to the hotel and I feared she would be in the hotel room for the rest of the holiday. But, on the final night, she made an effort again, and managed to enjoy it, so that was a nice “Up” to end the holiday on.

The best way of describing Karen and groups is that the group naturally goes at a certain pace, but since the accident, kp’s pace isn’t at the speed of the rest of the group and she loses track of where everyone is in conversation, jokes, banter etc….And she can’t reinsert herself into it. It’s very sad. And heartbreaking to listen to her discuss how she feels she isn’t the person she was before.

At least, we ended on a bit more of a positive last day and night. I think, for future holidays, we will have to plan in for pacing ourselves so we don’t hit this wall again. I hope it didn’t sour the holiday for the Pollard clan too much.

Overall, a good holiday. kp and I took time out from the family to do the Pier Walk (a 1-mile walk out to sea, and then back again). The weather was good, and the wind and temperature perfect. It was lovely. Here’s kp half-way along the pier. She did the whole mile there, and a quarter of it back, before we had to use the wheelchair. Nice one kp.

We walked the dogs in the pouring rain this morning.  On the way back, we passed through a field with a horse in. As kp got 1/2 of the way across the field, the horse started getting hyper and started kicking at me and the dogs. At the halfway point is a bridge (across a stream), and kp was safe there. But she could see what was going on and she got frightened. I joined her to comfort her and the horse seemed settled on the other side of the stream. So, we made our way to the other side of the field. kp got within 10m of the end of the field and the horse bounded over and started putting it’s arse in our direction (getting ready to kick). I ushered kp on and distracted the horse and kp made it to the end. However, it really upset kp and frightened her. Her legs were like jelly and she was wretching all the way home.

Poor kp !

Anyway, she is safely home now and has caught up on some tv which has nicely distracted her.

Quieter week this week.

Karen’s pain is generally under control as long as kp doesn’t overdo it, which she did this week and had to pay the price for.

Sleep remains an issue but we are making more headway thanks to Jane from the Lansdowne Clinic. It’s early days.

Monday saw Doreen and kp go to Matalan for some retail therapy.

Tuesday – Rachel (OT) and Steve (physio) came to the house as they wanted to do a combined session to be sure they were working on complimentary rehab.

Wednesday saw kp and I attend the Lansdowne Clinic to meet with Jane. Sleep is Karen’s biggest issue at the moment (affecting her daily life) so Jane started working on that. Lots of good tips and a schedule that kp has to stick to.

• No drinking tea before bedtime.
• Recapping the day and what is planned for the following day an hour before bedtime, the idea being so that there is nothing on kp’s mind.
• Going to bed at a reasonable hour (11pm) and she has to allow 30 minutes to fall asleep, and if she doesn’t, she has to get up for 20 minutes (and read something borning) and then try again.
• Etc etc…

Lots of good tips.

She also has to keep a sleep diary for a couple of weeks.

That night, she slept from 11pm to 1.30am, 1.50am to 5.10am and 7.30-9am. So it’s broken sleep (no change there), but much better than previous sleeps.

Thursday, kp told Doreen not to come and she spent some good time with Adele (kp’s niece) – they walked the dogs together.

Thursday night – 11pm – 1.30am (woke up dripping with sweat), 2.10am to 3.30am (another sweat), 3.50am to 6.50am and 7.10 – 8.45am.

Friday – kp and Doreen went to the gym and they did arm and hand stretching. kp also went on the rowing machine and the gym bike, but that proved to be a costly set of exercises. kp really enjoys the physio sessions as well, so it’s a shame. The price she paid was lots of pain in her right leg and right hip. She had to take a couple of morphine tablets on the night and she missed most of the night’s tv and had an awful night’s sleep.

Saturday, she was still done in, so I walked the dogs on my own. In the afternoon, we went to see kp’s family in Middlesbrough, and took Adele, Abby and Louisa to the fair which was lots of fun. It has been a while since we have seen the kids and they haven’t half shot up. Abbie (11) is taller than Karen, although to be fair, there are some garden gnomes bigger than kp.

Good Saturday’s night tv watching the film Shooter (thanks Adele).

Sunday (today) we have had a cracking day. Lovely dog walk in the glorious sun, followed by reading outside (for me), and kp had a LONG conversation with Ronnie on the phone and then we did some gardening at the front. Really nice !

Well, a real contrasting week this week. Some real good mood changes for the better, but some real lows too.

Monday and no sooner had Doreen arrived that the girls took the dogs for a walk to make the most of the good weather. Rachel (OT) came at 1.30pm and Rachel and kp discussed starting to go out to places to try and build kp’s confidence up.

Tuesday was an interesting day. Doreen had supervision which is basically a session with her boss to discuss how things are going. In a nutshell, various things were discussed, the upshot of which was that Doreen resigned her post with immediate effect. When Karen heard the news from Syd, she was pleased and it had a significant positive impact on kp’s mood for the rest of the week. The downside is that losing the support worker means it’s much harder for kp to get out and about and walking the dogs is off the agenda. It’s a real shame it didn’t work out, because Doreen had done some great work with Karen around the house and the garden.

Doreen and kp were due to meet up with Steve at the local fitness centre, but instead, Steve came to pick Karen up to take her to the centre. This week they had a Balance Assessment to do. Things like a timed run of 20m, a safe fast walk on normal feet and tiptoes (no heels), over an obstacle (steve’s shoe) etc etc…..It went really well by all accounts and Steve was amazed at Karen’s tiptoeing. What’s a little bit weird is that for the very first time on the previous weekend, we had walked the dogs and kp had thought to herself “I wonder if I can run”. Anyway, she gave it a go and my answer would be “not really”.

When she did it with me, she was laughing at herself and I believe she was in hysterics when she was showing steve her “running”. Really good that she can laugh at herself. I think she ran 20m in 7 and a bit seconds, but she couldn’t be 100% sure this was the time recorded.

Matt (the speech therapist) came later in the afternoon and they worked on more role plays for telephone conversations. It was his last session and kp was sad to see him go, because he had really boosted Karen’s confidence on phonecalls and given her some practical tips to make things better when dealing with people on the phone.

Wednesday, kp and I went to see Jane at the Lansdowne Clinic. kp’s homework was to maintain a Sleep Diary. This had shown the sporadic nature of kp’s sleep all week. One of the things it highlighted was how many times kp woke up with nightmares and/or cold sweats. So, to help with this Jane gave kp some practical advice on how to deal with nightmares. She also suggested moving one of the tablets that could cause sweating, to earlier in the day as a trial, which we have just started doing as I type this. I will try ad report back on this in next week’s blog.

Thursday and Syd came. Unfortunately, kp had incorrectly set her alarm for 9pm (instead of 9am), so Syd was waiting in the car for a while. Marie, the dog walker (who has hearing difficulties) had arrived to take the dogs for a walk and came to wake Karen up. She was shouting “Karen, Karen, Karen” which woke Karen up. Karen came out of the bedroom, to see Marie, shouting Karen into the cupboard where we keep the towels. Marie had thought this was a bedroom.

kp was in stitches when she told me this on the night-time. LOL.

Anyway, kp called Syd in and they discussed the advert for the new Support Worker. kp was keen to stay motivated generally and made sure she completed all her exercises and tasks from all the professionals. Well done kp !

Friday – Steve (physio) picked Karen up and took her to the fitness centre to carry on with the next level of assessments. Today, she had to try hopping and skipping. Well, it’s fair to say she couldn’t do either. Steve demonstrated skipping to Karen, much to kp’s amusement. I had a go on the night-time, and there’s something not right about a grown man skipping. I can see where she found the humour.

Unfortunately, there was a bit of an incident on the way home. Steve had to brake harshly and kp fell to pieces. She was in tears and very shook up by it. Steve did his best to console her and on the way back kp did her best to talk about various things, but she described herself as “talking rubbish”. Steve was clearly concerned and recommended they carry on doing some more physio to take her mind off it, but kp’s mind wasn’t on it. Fortunately, Adele and Louisa had come over and that helped distract kp.

Once they had all left, kp’s mind came back to the incident and she fell apart again. But, the good news is that even just a couple of days seems to have improved kp’s mindset on this

Saturday and kp and I went to Newcastle Airport for my helicopter lesson (kp’s xmas present to me). I absolutely loved it !!! It was a “never forget” kind of experience. The instructor (Scott) let me do some flying and initially I was a bit too rough with it, but after about 10 minutes I felt comfortable with it and flew us home – Thankfully, he landed it !

kp took this amazing picture !!

Here’s another one……

Last night, because we had had a late breakfast after the trip, we skipped Pizza. We watched a film and Big Brother.

Another bad night’s sleep for kp (par for the course)

Today, we walked the dogs, but there was something not right with kp’s body and we managed only about 1/2 a mile and the last 1/2 of that she really struggled.

She had a migraine in the afternoon, so went to sleep for a bit. Film and Pizza tonight.

Tomorrow we have the MDT. This is the meeting where all the specialists come to the house, plus the solicitors from both sides. Should be an interesting day. It should be really positive, because kp has done so well !

Very bad week for both kp and I, but it ended heading in the right direction.

It all started on the Sunday night. We were watching TV and something sparked a conversation that went further and further downhill, until I was absolutely distraught (I can’t go into any more detail than that). I was sobbing like a baby and to make matters worse, it was dark and I didn’t realise that the distress had caused a huge nose bleed. You know what it’s like when you cry and your nose gets all blocked up, well I had that with this flooding nosebleed, but I didn’t realise it.

When we finally switched the light on, you’d think I had been beaten up. There was blood everywhere. All over my PJ top, all over my face and neck. I just couldn’t stop crying. Once I realised I was having a nose bleed, I went into the bathroom and held my head over the sink and it was just gushing. What’s worse (for Karen) was that all my upset was still there so I was bawling into the sink. Poor kp – she was upset that I was so upset.

What made matters worse was that I couldn’t see a way out of the conversation, and my thoughts inevitably turned to suicide. I’ll whap a few morphine patches on, drink a bottle of brandy, go to the car, put some hose into the window etc etc…. I had planned it all out in the short time I had a moment to think between sobs !

Thankfully, by the end of the night, we had reached a sort of impasse, but neither of us were comfortable with how it had been left and there was some disturbed sleep that night.

Unfortunately, the following day (monday) was the MDT (multi-disciplinary team) meeting. This is the meeting where all the specialists and the lawyers from both sides come to the house to discuss kp’s progress. But, I don’t think anyone could tell that we had been to hell and back the night before.

The MDT went vey well. No tears from kp this time. It was very positive and the Norwich Union people were good and supportive of some further actions that will help kp.

The bath buddy arrived. This is like a seat of air that goes in the bath and kp sits on and then deflates to get her in the bath, and then inflates to get out. kp has a bath every night as she feels it helps her aches and pains, but normally, I stand in first and then lower her in. When she wants to get out, I get in and lift her up. But it means she is reliant on my presence to have a bath. This will give her some independance back. We spent most of the week practising this instead of me lowering her. But haven’t cracked it yet. I let kp do everything herself. But little things confuse her ie. one day the power cord to the bath buddy was on top of the place where you have to plug the air hose in and she couldn’t work out how to undo it.

Anyway, we got past that, but haven’t successfully used it really despite about 4 attempts. She keeps sliding off after she has been lowered down, which means when she inflates it, she falls off into the bath – NOT GOOD !.

I think the position of it is wrong – we are going to try a different position next time. I think and hope we’ll crack it.

Tuesday saw Steve come for Physio. kp wanted to go through the routines she has to practice which they did and then they did some more Wii-Fit stuff, which she really enjoys. What a cracking thing for balance improvement !

Wednesday and we both went to visit Jane at the Lansdowne Clinic. The sleep improvement strategies aren’t really paying off yet, but she did say it could take months, so kp will stick at that. kp now wants to focus on her low self-esteem. So the next sessions will relate to that. Also, top of the list, was ME ! It had been suggested before that I needed counselling, but I couldn’t really get my head around it. To me, if I can’t help myself, how can someone else help me – that’s my thought process. But after Sunday’s upset, I was raring to go for anything that will improve things (for me). I have accepted that I need help too. Jane put it really well……paraphrased…..

Jane (looking at both of us) :- I expect before the accident, you (plural) used to be support for each other. When you were down Karen, David would support you and when he was down, you would support him. But, since the accident, it’s probably been David supporting you most of the time.
Karen :- Definitely

And that rang a real chord with me. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but if asked to name one pressure on me, I couldn’t. I suppose I feel dead inside, I am existing, but not really living. I have no idea how anyone can help me, but I know I have to give it a go, for Karen, but most of all for me.

So, that night, I emailed Syd (Case Manager) and by noon the following day, I had 10 sessions booked with a Psychologist from the same clinic. So, when kp goes to her sessions, I will go to mine, which works out great. I am actually looking forward to it, even though I can’t see how it will help (ie if I can’t help myself).

After the wednesday session with Jane (with no Doreen to take her home), I took her to Whickham Villa. It’s an absolutely marvellous place for people with brain injuries. It has a flotation tank, a hydro pool, a jacuzzi and offers lots of beauty/massage treatment. It’s a real gem that you wouldn’t know about unless someone told you about it.

The idea was that kp would do a flotation for an hour or so, while I went back to work (very close). It worked out really well. I helped kp get in the flotation tank and left her floating for about 90 minutes at gas mark 4. When I returned at around 5pm, she was nicely relaxed and took some waking up. We then both went into the hydro pool and jacuzzi. It was a really good afternoon. We tried to get kp swimming again and had a real good laugh ! She was very frightened of swimming, but eventually she had enough confidence so that she would try with me supporting her from her tummy. And she gave it a good go. But what was evident (when she tried to swim) was how much stronger the right arm is (than her left). Basically, she just went around in circles, which we found really funny.

Thursday, the car got serviced. Angela (fellow car crash victim) came to pick kp up and from all accounts, they had a fantastic afternoon. kp came back glowing. It was good to see she had had such a good afternoon.

Friday and it was physio time. Steve came to the house and they did some more Wii stuff. There’s this one thing on the Wii where you stand on the Wii-Fit board and have to balance as your chap (on the screen) walks a tight-rope. Well, it records how far you get ! kp thrashed my record !!! Well done love.

Now, I don’t mind kp thrashing me, but what perturbed me more was that Steve had beat my ski-jump record ! Syd, please can we get another physio for Karen !

Yesterday (Saturday), we walked the dogs in the morning and just got back before the heavens opened. A lovely relaxing day, pretty much mirrored today.

So, bad week overall, but ended very positive.

Better week this week.

Monday and Karen had her session with the OT (Rachel). They went to town to try and get kp out and about. kp enjoyed it and got some lovely biscuits from M&S.

Tuesday and Steve (Physio) and Karen did some work at home. They did some work on kp’s balance with the Gym Ball and then on the Wii Fit. The Wii Fit is awesome for Karen as it really encourages her to better herself.

In the afternoon, we had our counselling sessions. It was timed so I could sit in on Karen’s as well. I was up first with my chap. It was good to just talk about how the accident has affected me and how I am coping with our new life. It didn’t feel like we solved anything, but I don’t think that was to be expected after just one session.

Karen enjoyed hers as well and I feel sure she is getting somewhere which is good ! After that, I took her to Whickham Villa for 90 minutes in the flotation tank. Perfect for me as well, so I could go back to work for an hour and then return to pick her up.

Wednesday and kp had booked a taxi to drop her off in the village to get her hair and nails done.

Thursday, there was nothing on, but kp did her best to stick to the schedule we have draughted up, here is an example of how busy kp is !!!

The reason we drew up this specific timetable is because kp gets confused with when she has some time off to do normal things (like see friends, watch tv etc…) and when she had it as one big list with things like “Do this 3 times a week, do this twice a week two times daily), she couldn’t work it all out, so this has helped her a lot and has took the pressure off.

She also made Lasagne for tea and it was delicious. That works out quite well. kp can make certain dishes, but the problem she has is bringing it all together to be served. ie timing the cooking of the Lasagne, the potatoes and the veg all to be ready at the same time. It’s too much for her, but that’s why we make a great team.

Friday and another physio session, this time Karen took a taxi to meet Steve at the local gym. She had a great day, doing some bike work and some time on the cross-trainer.  After that, they did some more Gym Ball and Wii-Fit at home. I think Steve enjoys the Wii-Fit too as he beat my high score on the Ski Jump !

His new record didn’t last for long though !!! Read it and weep Steve !

Friday and I went straight from work to pick Ethan up. He was coming to stay the friday night. He was great and VERY well behanved (MOST OF THE TIME!). He never stopped talking and I think, at times, it was a bit too much for Karen. He kept talking when she was asking him a question and she was a lot more irritable than she would have previously been. Even Ethan noticed it.

We had a great Saturday though. Ethan and I went to buy him a football and then we all walked the dogs.

Here is a photo kp took…..

Saturday night, we watched “Full Metal Jacket” but it wasn’t as good as the Sky Star System made out. It had 5 stars (the most a film can have). We would have given it 2.

Late night and early rise this morning (for me), but kp was up most of the night AGAIN (sleep still remains the main issue and all the things she is supposed to try) aren’t reaping any benefits yet

She still stayed up when I got up (at 7.15am) and has managed to get a second wind which should last the day out.

We have done some gardening this morning and done a cracking job too.

On another note, I was called into a meeting with my bosses about the amount of time I have been taking off for all Karen’s appointments etc… They have been superb and very understanding but I think they are looking for things to become more “normal” now. I explained that it was a particularly bad time at the moment with no Support Worker and with me having weekly counselling as well as Karen etc, and that an end was in sight (when we have a new Support Worker), so hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement.

There is more to discuss this coming week I expect.

So, in summary, generally kp is heading in the right direction, but sleep is pulling her down. She is surviving on between 2 and 6 hours sleep a night (but not in one straight stretch unfortunately).

We’re keeping positive.

Awful week generally with some good bits.

Monday and Rachel (OT) came over and kp made a loaf of bread (with her left hand). It looked and smelled great. No comment on the taste.

Tuesday and kp (and I) attended a medico-legal appointment in the centre of Newcastle for the ongoing legal case. The consultant wanted to see me first and then kp (on her own). He saw me for about 3/4 hour, and then kp for about two. kp’s sleep is still to pot, and after 2 hours of tests she was done in. The tests weren’t complete, so he is going to have to reschedule for another date to complete the tests.

Wednesday and we both went for our counselling sessions. I enjoyed mine much more this week, probably feeling more relaxed with the psychologist, but I still remain sceptical, but certainly talking, being heard and thinking about things from a different angle are all helping me.

kp’s went well too. One of the things that the medico-legal neuro-consultant had said previously to me (and Karen) was that it is too much for a person with a head injury to be expected to go the whole day without any rest, which is what she was trying to do to correct her poor sleeping patterns. He suggested breaking the day into 3 chunks (morning, afternoon and evening) and in each of the chunks ensuring that there is some physical and some mental activity AND some rest. This “felt” right to me and kp. We mentioned this to kp’s psychologist Jane and she agreed that the other well-practiced method wasn’t reaping benefits for kp and to scrap it as kp was getting too down over it.

Another of the things that Jane had suggested is that kp ensures she has a DAY OFF each week. This is a day without ANY rehab and it is for kp to do what she wants with, ie visit family in Middlesbrough etc etc… This was music to our ears.

The medico-legal neuro-chap also had suggested kp attend a sleep clinic so I expect something will come of that in the future.

We went for a Subway sandwich for lunch before kp went to her physio session (taxi) and I returned to work. Steve (physio) had kp doing exercises at the gym, one of which was the bike.

kp has been on the bike before, but it always left her in too much pain with her needing to take morphine tablets to keep on top of it.

This time was the same if not worse and this was the start of a hellish end to the week for Karen. Not all of the following is related to the Bike exercises, but the week just went downhill from this point onwards.

The following day Syd (Case Manager) came for a couple of hours for a catch-up. kp’s pain was on the increase and she was popping the morphine tablets.

We had been trying separate beds for a couple of nights to see if it improves kp’s sleep and it did a little probably because she could watch tv in bed (or read) without disturbing me and it was easier to just fall asleep.

Thursday night, kp didn’t feel just right and was scared to sleep on her own (very unlike kp). She had had a headache / migraine since the bike exercises.

The following day (friday) and we had a 10am medical appointment in Newcastle.  kp was all showered and ready to go and just as I got the car out, she decided that she didn’t feel upto going. I cancelled the appointment and all the taxis which were going to take her back home, so I could go into work. Bonus for the lads at work, ‘cos they weren’t expecting me until 12pm

She went to bed for the rest of the day needing a dark room. She had some of the best sleep for ages (which was great !).

That night, I was due to go out with the lads from work for Nigel, John and my leaving doo. We had it all planned down to the taxis, Nigel staying at our house etc etc….

Work was REALLY busy. One of the lads was on holiday – things were going wrong with a few customers IT solutions and then at about 3.30pm I got a call from a customer whose credit card processing system had been hacked. 30 minutes later as I tried to juggle lots of IT balls, kp rang. She was in tears. She was vomiting and a few other issues were making the matter 10x worse. kp is a pro-vomiter. She could vomit for Britain and not even bat an eye-lid, so for kp to be upset, things must be really bad !

I had to go ! I phoned my boss and he took the “hacking” problem off my hands which was great and then I dashed home. kp was in a right state when I got home. She was very frigtened about everything that was happening. One of her concerns was that all of the sickness/migraine stuff was down to the problems that have been predicted (to her endocrine system) because of all the morphine she takes.

My gut was that she had caught some virus and the pain was leftover from the bike exercises. I put her to bed and gave her what I thought were the right meds to sort her out. Certainly, things were better in a dark room.

She remained frightened and didn’t want me to attend the leaving doo, which is very unlike kp. She normally just battles on. Of course, I wouldn’t have gone anyway with her in this state.

I cancelled my attendance at the night out.

The weekend that ensued was awful. kp remained rock bottom mentally and physically, not eating and very down. She was in the bedroom 90% of the weekend until 1pm Sunday. We tried anti-migraine tablets (Hemicraneal) which normally sort kp out. We tried Solpadeine (which I use and they guarantee a headache goes for me), but nothing worked, and kp’s worry escalated. I had suggested a few times that we get the Doctor out, but kp wasn’t having it. She has an understandable big fear of doctors/hospitals now. This morning, I had a brainwave. Let’s try aspirin. And SUCCESS ! They have improved the headache to what kp calls a “normal headache”.

The relief is tangible around the house. The house felt really low, but now we are talking about watching the Wimbledon Final. Wahey !! I hope and think we may have turned a corner !

She has also eaten (and kept stuff down) for the first time (for a few days). It may only be a bowl of cornflakes, but it’s a start and it’s inside kp, not down the loo !

So, pretty awful week (or it feels it).

On the work front (for me), it’s come to the time where appointments are getting in the way of work, so we have come to a suitable arrangement which suits both sides.  I am leaving the full-time employ of my company. They have been great with time off but it’s just getting a bit too much for them now, and although I am leaving full-time employment with them, I feel sure they will use me as a contractor and it also allows me to work for other companies on a contract basis, which suits our circumstances better.

So, bad week overall, but a happier week in sight.

Well, much better week this week. kp was on fire yesterday (Saturday) and was picking ME up !!

Monday – NOWT ! kp had her first day off which she thoroughly enjoyed !

Tuesday – Marie, the dog walker, was on holiday this week (apart from monday), so we had arranged for Adele to come up every day so she could take the dogs with kp. It worked out well. In the afternoon, kp went to physio at the local recreation centre with Steve (the physio). I think she said she did treadmill and bike and enjoyed it as per usual.

Wednesday – We went to see Jane and Steve (our psychologists). One of my favourite sessions so far (for me) and loads of things slotted into place. Karen enjoyed hers too. I am quietly surprised at how helpful they have been to me and I KNOW kp finds them similarly helpful. Following that, we had to hot foot it to Ponteland for an appointment with Dr/Mr Yellowlees (an anaethetist who specialises in Pain Management). He was excellent. We told him all the meds kp was on and in a nutshell he agreed that it was the right stuff. He couldn’t comment on the anti-depressant and suggests we see a Psychiatrist for that. The interesting thing he said was (in response to something kp had said)…..

Mr Yellowlees – “You shouldn’t be taking pain medication (analgesics) to control pain ! You should only be taking them to ensure you can still function”
Well, we hadn’t heard that before so we were intrigued. What he meant was that kp will have SOME pain, but you need to throttle back on the pain meds until the pain is so much that you can’t function as much and then keep it a bit over that amount. He stressed that kp MUST still keep up the rehab and not reduce them so much that it affects that. So, in a nutshell, kp has to gradually (very) reduce the morphine patches (Fentanyl) and the Gabapentin. This has to be done gradually.

So, over the next couple of months, we are going to shave a little off both of them.

Thursday say kp take a taxi to the recreation centre to meet with one of Steve (the physio)’s assistants to do some arm-stretching and other Physio work.

Friday and kp went again to the recreation centre but this time for accupuncture with Steve. The accupuncture was to relax kp and to help the pain. She didn’t have that much faith in it, but was going to give anything a go, but she hasn’t half seemed better on the pain and mood front over the weekend, so maybe it has worked.

When I suggested this to kp, she said “It wouldn’t work so quick”

Saturday and I had a real down day. I can’t 100% put my finger on it, but I was rock bottom. You’ve heard the expression “Got out the wrong side of the bed”. That’s really how it felt. The moment I got out of bed, I felt rough (mentally). I think the thought of booking a holiday for the end of the month (which was the job for the day) was too daunting. I hate arranging holidays. It takes sooooooooooo long to find the right hotel etc etc…….

But even after that was over, I still felt rough and there was NOTHING to assign it to. Everything in our lives is looking up, kp’s feeling good at the moment and positive, so am I about the future, yet I couldn’t pick myself up. I just wanted to go back to sleep.

kp was absolutely brilliant. She was “ON FIRE !”. She was so positive and was making me laugh and everything, but nothing would pull me out.

Anyhow, I woke up this morning feeling 10x better and back to normal. Very strange. It literally is like I got up from the wrong side of the bed and I never have had that before !

kp had a bad sleep last night, not going to bed until about 6am. So she is having an afternoon snooze. She got up about 11am to walk the dogs with me. On the dog walk, which is normally very quiet, we were walking along and then all of a sudden about 100 people (all ages) came towards us (walking) along this narrow path. It was very weird. We were laughing, because none of them had seen our 2 dogs (as the people in front of them blocked the view) and when they saw them, most of them visibly shook at the sight of 2 German Shepherds. Quite a few put their hands down to stroke them then thought better of it. Comical.

So, very good week really. kp and I are both excited about the future.

An exhausting week, lack of sleep remaining the main issue and starting to cripple kp. Some fun times, some real low points.

Monday and the OT came with an assistant who is going to be taking kp into town and getting her out and about whilst a new support worker is recruited.

Tuesday was due to be physio, but Steve was ill, so it was cancelled. kp was disappointed, but please to have a day off at the same time.

Wednesday was kp’s official day off. She had planned a full day. The friendly local taximan picked her up and took her to the hairdressers to get her nails and hair done. She then got another taxi to take her to see Marie in Middlesbrough. Marie had a new dog called Strike (lurcher) and he went missing once but was found. Well, this time he jumped from a first floor window and has never been seen since. Marie has took in a new dog called Tye. He is a gorgeous (AND STRONG) cross between a German Shepherd and a rottweiler (I think).

He is VERY strong. Michelle also visited Marie’s to see the new dog. Apparently, he nearly pulled Michelle over when they were playing “Tug of War”. And at one point, Tye got a hold of Karen’s coat and both Marie and Michelle were up like the gun had gone off at the 100m sprint, to stop him pulling kp over. kp was very amused.

I went straight to Marie’s from work to pick kp up.

I think kp overdid it a bit on her day off as she was knackered.

Thursday consisted of some muscle stretching exercises with Steve’s assistant (Joanne) and then in the afternoon, she met me at work and we went to our counselling sessions. We then had an appointment at the doctors for a few things. Whilst there, I copped a glance at the computer screen which detailed the cost of Karen’s Fentanyl patches. I was gobsmacked. Each day, we put 2 x 100ug patches on so that’s £40. So, that’s £280 per week !!  Nearly £15,000 a year ! Thank God for the NHS.

Friday and kp had some more accupuncture from Steve and she beat her record on the treadmill at the local fitness centre. Well done kp. That night, Adele brought the kids over (Abby (11) & Louisa (5)) to stay the night.

They were so excited. It’s the first time for at least 3 years that Abby has stayed over, and Louisa never has. I met them from work at the local fun factory. Before, I had got there, kp had took them there (in a taxi) and later she recalled that she was a scared by the experience. Imagine 2 very excited kids entering somewhere with kp, constantly asking kp questions, and then entering this really bustly place with 50000 other kids in there all shouting. It was too much for kp. She couldn’t work it all out. Thankfully, Abby was great. At 11, she has a very caring nature and I get the impression she helped a great deal. Thankfully for kp, they wouldn’t let Abby (at 5ft 1in) into the fun factory, so she made sure kp was ok. Abby was a bit disappointed.

When we got home, Abby wanted to play on the Wii-Fit. She was mad on the Hula-Hoop one and when she got her good score, she wanted me to try and beat it. The Hula-Hoop one involves swivelling your hips and looks very funny. So the girls were amused at my hip-swivveling.

Before the accident, kp enjoyed having the kids over, but they were soooooo noisy, she was keen to get a bit of a break, especially after the fun factory saga, so she went for a bath. Using the bath buddy, she went down herself and I checked she was ok which she was. So then I went to swivel my hips with the kids.

About 15 minutes later (I got really engrossed with trying to beat Abby’s high score), I heard shouting from the bath (Abby heard it too, Louisa didn’t). I ran through to beat greeted with a kp in tears sitting in an emptied bath next to a half-inflated bath buddy.

kp:- I am stuck and noone heard me.

Lots of bawling ensued and I gave her a big hug in the bath and apologised for not paying more attention. I was really kicking myself.

It was absolutely heart-breaking.

It was so noisy with the kids I hadn’t heard her at all.

The bath buddy is working out to be absolute pants. She keeps sliding off when she is halfway out. And that’s what had happened. Without the water in (she had let the water out), she can’t work out how to get back on. So sad !

I got her out of the bath and made sure she was a bit calmed down before kp told me to “get back to the kids“.

kp:- I’ll be fine.

Abby was looking at me in a way that I knew she was aware what had happened….

Abby :- Is everything ok ?

I explained that kp was stuck in the bath and she had got a bit upset.

So, it was a really sad evening. Louisa was colouring in and totally unaware of what had happened.

The following day (Saturday), we were all due to go to “The Forbidden Corner”, but first we had to walk the dogs.

kp had had yet another awful night’s sleep, not coming to bed until about 7am. I got up about 7.30am to find the kids watching TV in the front room, so we went to walk the dogs, kp went to bed.

The kids absolutely loved it and the dogs absolutely loved the fact the kids (and I) went down to the stream with them, something we don’t normally do, ‘cos kp couldn’t get down the bank.

Here is a foto (crap I know) of the kids holding a dog each.

Once back, we got kp up so that we could go to “The Forbidden Corner”. “The Forbidden Corner” is a wonderful place to visit with kids. It’s hard to explain what it is, but it’s like a maze of weird things and lots of things kids and adults would enjoy.  Some scary bits, some hilarious bits. Well worth a visit. It’s near Leyburn so was a canny hike.

We went to pick Adele up first (in Middlesbrough) and kp slept (and snored) pretty much the whole way to Middlesbrough and then to “The Forbidden Corner”.

We had a great time there. kp and I had to stop halfway through as she was too tired. So, we went for a snooze in the car. kp slept the whole way back AS DID THE KIDS !!! Adele and I found it very funny to see both kp and Abby snore in exactly the same way. It was like “Stereo Snoring”.

Very funny.

And the best bit for me was when we got to Adele’s. kp stayed in the car as I helped Adele and the kids into the house with all the stuff in the boot. kp woke up to give them all the kiss.

And by the time we had got to the front-door, Abby looked back to see kp nodding off again.

Abby (shouting at the rest of us) :- Look at Karen, she is falling asleep again.

Well, kp woke up at hearing this and started laughing at herself, which had us all in stitches too.

kp (laughing) :- I can’t even stay awake until you get to your front door !

It was probably one of those things you have to be there for, but I am still smiling now, thinking about it !

We had a quiet Saturday night, turning in quite early, as kp just couldn’t stay awake.

She was up most of the night (as per usual).

Today, we did a short walk, ‘cos she was knackered (especially one of her knees)  after yesterday and she has been asleep on and off most of the day.

So, some real low points generally, but kp is doing her best to remain positive and latching on to the little funny’s that come along. We had planned to book a holiday today for when I leave work, but kp’s been too tired.

Pizza night with a film tonight, so we should have a good night.

Apologies for a lack of a blog entry. It’s been a busy 2 weeks with one thing and another. The main reason for no blog entry was that we have been away to Spain for 9 days.

So, back to the week before we went to Spain.

Monday – We had recently seen a consultant anaesthetist about kp’s medication. He felt the medication kp was on was correct, but we should have a go at reducing the level of medication. He’s the chap who said that the purpose of pain medication (in case like Karen’s) isn’t to reduce pain, but to “maintain function”. In other words, there is a balancing act between keeping some pain, but getting back some benefits from reduced side effects.

The key to the reduction is very slow and steady. So, we took the morphine patches down from 600 to 575 on monday. At first, we thought there was no noticeable change, but towards the end of the week, we were less sure, but kp has persevered.

On the monday afternoon, Rachel (OT) came and did an assessment of kp to see how well she is doing. She asked kp to cook her beans on toast and a fruit salad, which kp did, we thought, without incident. A later report revealed that she hadn’t done quite as well as she thought she had, but still pretty ok !

Tuesday and we went to see Mr Scott at Durham Hospital (Dryburn). This was the annual hip and pelvis check-up. All looked ok from their perspective. Mr Scott remarked that one of the screws linking kp’s pelvis to the bar that holds it in place had broke (and he pointed it out on the x-ray), but that it was nothing to worry about, because there are about 10 of them.

Same time next year for another review.

Wednesday and Prof Barnes (a consultant neurologist) attended kp at the house. This was with a view to a follow-up medico-legal examination that he had done about a year ago. Nice chap, making kp feel very at ease.

On the night-time, Jane (Burns) came over and there was lots of laughing, something that follows Jane wherever she goes.

The following day, Jane was going to take Karen to Boundary Mills shopping centre, but unfortunately, kp had had a bad night’s sleep and didn’t wake up until 2pm ! Jane had waited until about 11am but had decided to let sleeping dogs lie

Knowing I was finishing my job with my current company, we had took the opportunity to book a last minute holiday in Spain. 9 days. We flew out early Saturday morning and arrived to a squeltering hot Spain.

The holiday was sooooooooooo relaxed. We were staying at mum and dad’s villa in Torrevieja. I can’t even recall what day we did what, but here’s pretty much what we got up to.

Eat
Sleep
Pool
Fag
Pool
Sit
Talk
Sleep
Play “Risk” until 3am

Repeat all holiday

Actually, that’s not fair.

We got quite a lot done as well. We went on numerous days out. One day we explored the mountains North-West of Murcia. We got out of the car at a spot in the middle of nowhere with beautiful views and could hear nothing but crickets and they were deafening.

Another day (and probably our best day), we explored mountains north of Benidorm and we thought the first trip out was great – we were overawed by the beauty of places like Relleu. Incredible – beautiful views, lovely peace and quite. Awesome !

In all, it was one of the best holidays we had been on for relaxtion, dp+kp time etc etc…..

Unfortunately, it all went a bit sour at the end with lots of tears and hysteria. To say kp doesn’t like cockroaches is a little on the mild side. She really detests the little bastards. On the penultimate night, there was a power cut to the whole street. We hadn’t seen a single cockroach all holiday in the villa, but the power cut got kp so on edge, we had to book into a hotel for the night (144 euros). The following night, we were wide awake playing risk at 1am in the morning and kp went in to get a drink and saw a little baby cockroach on the wall INSIDE the villa, well, she freaked.

Another night in the hotel ensued. I maintained an eery calm despite being none too pleased at the upheaval. Thankfully, I hadn’t drunk too much to drive.

Noone likes cockroaches (well, noone I know), but kp REALLY can’t stand them.

But, despite these last couple of days, we had a really good time !

Two complaints

1. Cockroaches (obviously)
2. The Heat (it was just too hot). 35′C+ on a couple of days.

Here are some photos………..

And the obligatory pier walk photo…..

Busy week coming up. Jane and Ronnie are visiting all week, and lots of appointments in there as well.