Another awful week, but with a glimmer of hope for the future.

Monday was a Bank Holiday and we were due to go to see Tracey and Mark (plus Margaret, Megan and Thomas) in Middlesbrough. They were up from Southampton for the week. It’s something we always enjoy doing, meeting up with the Maffey Mob, but alas, and as feared, when kp woke up, she was _really_ low, too low for company. But, she didn’t want to rule a visit out completely, and it was left that she would see how she was later in the day, but things didn’t improve and the day was postponed until later in the week.

Unfortunately, the whole week was one big downer and the Maffey Mob and Pollard Posse get-together wasn’t to be.

Karen felt awful about not going, which made things worse for her (upset-wise). Of course, we were all telling her NOT to feel guilty, but when you’re depressed, (I know from experience), you just tend to see the negatives of everything.

Tuesday was our glimmer of hope. We had a meeting with a Dr Parry in Hexham. He is a psychiatrist. Pretty much the whole session was Dr Parry getting to know kp. The purpose was twofold……

1. To resolve the depression
2. To resolve the sleep problems

We were keen for a solution to both.

Mr Parry felt that before we can tackle the sleep problem, we need to solve the depression first, as that could well sort the sleep problem out. It wasn’t what we wanted to hear, but what he was saying felt right. The outcome of the session was an increase in kp’s anti-depressant medication, which she started as soon as she got home.

We had resigned ourselves to treading water, allowing time to pass for the medication to do it’s thing and get kp back on the right tracks.

kp was due to attend a physio session in the afternoon, but because of the timings of the Dr Parry meeting had to cancel.

Wednesay and Karen had planned to get her hair and nails done ready for Christopher’s (Karen’s nephew) wedding yesterday (Saturday). Normally, she enjoys the pamper, but it was more a functional experience than a pleasurable one.

Wednesday night and Karen had her first good night’s sleep for as long as we can remember. I’d have to consult the blog to see exactly when it was, but it feels like a _LONG_ time ago !! She got EIGHT hours sleep with a couple of loo trips. That’s awesome (for kp).

Thursday, Joanne (physio assistant) came to massage Karen’s left (stroke-side) arm with a view to desensitizing it. A light touch on kp’s arm results in her reacting like you have stabbed a needle in. It’s hypersensitive, so this massaging is supposed to be improving that. I would say it’s working, because when I put the morphine patches on, the reaction I get is SO much better than it was !!

In the afternoon, I had a doctor’s appointment to get the results of some blood tests that I had had done. Basically, with a change of lifestyle, I wanted to see my chlorestrol before the change and a few months down the line. My chlorestrol is 6.4 and last time I had it done (couple of years ago) it was 6.9, so I was pleased at that. I am still off the fags and all the associated patches etc, so am really pleased at that too. The doctor put all the facts (my weight/height, chlorestrol etc etc in his computer and I have a 13% chance of heart disease, which I was amazed at. I thought it would be more like 40-50%. If I can stay a non-smoker, then it will halve again. So, quite a nice incentive.

Following the doctor’s appointment, we had an appointment with the anti-smoking lady. Unfortunately, and understandably, kp has succumbed to the fags, and I don’t blame her one bit. Now is NOT the time for kp to give up. She needs every pleasure she can get, but she DOES still want to quit and once her mood is ok, she’ll get back on track. Well done for the 2 weeks you DID give up love !!!

Friday and we had an appointment I can’t discuss followed by physio.

Saturday was Christopher’s wedding. Karen wasn’t in a fit state to go, she was far far too low, but she desperately didn’t want to let Chris down, so she forced herself to go. She was “fine” through the service until his name was read out and then she had to choke the tears back. She kept herself ok though. Once we arrived at the place where the reception was, she looked like a deer caught in some headlights (wide open eyes). No sooner had she sat down and I asked “was everything ok ?” than she broke down. The whole thing had been too much for her.

She couldn’t stop the tears, but managed to keep the sobbing very quiet. Unfortunately, Chris (the groom) saw she was upset, which I think, got him upset, which got kp even more upset because she had “spoilt his day” (in her eyes).

I tried to explain that Chris would have just been glad you had managed to come to the main part, but nothing I said would stop the agony she was going through.

We got her to the car and I drove home. She cried herself to sleep in the car. As soon as we got home, we both went to bed and I cuddled her as she went to sleep again.

She still felt very guilty, but the change of environment with being at home, made things a lot better.

It was a subdued night.

Today, we walked the dogs and her mood was 3/10 which is MUCH better than it’s been this past week.

So, the good news is, that since wednesday, every night has been better sleep, so fingers crossed, with more sleep and if the increased anti-depressant tablets work, things should and WILL improve.

Watch this space…..

Fingers crossed

Love you kp

xxxxx