Poor kp 
The day started off ok. Because of kp’s late awakening yesterday, I had forgotten to apply her 25mg Fentanyl Patch. Today, she knew about it. In the middle of the night, I caught her a couple of times moaning with pain as she turned over. This, in itself, isn’t unusual, but the severity of the moan told me it was more pain than usual
This is when we both realised that we hadn’t applied her patch. I applied both the 100mg and 25mg patch in the hope of catching the pain, but it hasn’t really helped even at 6.10pm when I write this blog.
But, this morning (11am onwards), she didn’t really let this get her down and plodded on as per usual.
Today, we had the meeting with the consultant who will be performing what we hope will be kp’s last op. He was a lovely bloke. kp has had a number of encounters with Asian Doctors and was worried that she wouldn’t be able to understand him, but his english was excellent and he was very professional and knowledgeable. I can hear my mum’s genes in me at this moment.
“He was asian, but he could speak lovely english and he was fully qualified you know !” 
The last op is to sort out Karen’s hernia (which is huge).
He examined kp standing up and then lying down and pushed her stomach skin in such a way that you could see her intestines and bowels. It was weird ! He explained how he would be able to get rid of the HUGE scar that runs from just under kp’s “insert posh word for tits” right down to above her “insert medical term for above panty line“.
You’ve heard of “pinch an inch”. Well, this chap showed how much excess stomach skin kp has and grabbed loads of it and showed what she would like after the op. I was amazed and told the doctor so.
dp:- You’re gonna look like Britney Spears when you’re done love.
It REALLY did look like kp was going to be coming out SO much thinner.
The doctor replied that Britney isn’t thin any more, but that’s the only person that came to mind. The hernia has made kp’s stomach skin stretch so much, the doctor was confident he could remove the old scar 100% ! Great news !
Apparently, the procedure is called an “Incisional Hernia”. Compared to a normal hernia, where he only has to stitch up an inch’s worth of stomach muscles. In kp’s case, he will have to stitch up about a foot’s worth ! A normal hernia op takes 10-15 minutes. kp’s operation would take 2 hours !
He may not be able to bring all the muscles together, but where he couldn’t he would use a mesh to make up the holes remaining. He also explained that kp may not get full strength back to her stomach muscles as they have been more than a year in this weakened seperated state.
It all sounded great. kp and I were hoping to fit the op in sometime around the start of July so she could stay the required 5-7 days in hospital and then she could have the 8-10 weeks recovery time at home before our August holiday.
Then came the bad news. As it wasn’t a cancer or anything life threatening, we would have to go on the waiting list, which currently stands at “at least 6 months”.
We explained that we understood. I asked how soon could she be seen if she went private.
Doctor X:- I could see her next week.
Money talks it seems.
He gave us the number of the local Bupa hospital and the name of the chap to get a price from. I would be calling him as soon as we got home.
On the way home from the hospital, we went shopping at Sainsburys. kp’s walking is still slow. The fast walk she tried the other week caused her so much grief, she has reverted to the 1mph cruising version. So, I have developed a nice little routine, where she walks down the centre aisle and I say something like……
dp:- I’m just gonna get some Broccoli.
kp ends up walking the supermarket mostly down the centre aisle, but it works.
When we got to the desserts, kp wanted to look for herself. She stared at this mass array of desserts………
kp:- I can’t see a bloody thing !
It’s the right (crappy) vision confusing the left vision scenario again. I told her to cover her right eye and lo and behold, she could see things much clearer, but she still has the stroke-related problem of finding it hard to pick things out that she is looking for.
Shopping over, we returned home and phoned the BUPA hospital.
£2080 for the op. I was over the moon. I had visions of it being £5000. So, we are going to go private. kp straight away worried about the money. She had earmarked it for a new bathroom we are planning, but I am confident that we should be able to get that back from the insurance claim in due course.
So, it all sounds good so far.
kp’s family phoned to see how she had got on. And that’s where the day turned, big time
kp got very very upset. She put the phone down and “discussed” it with me in floods of tears.
kp:- I am sick of everything.
kp (SHOUTING):- I am SICK OF IT, SICK OF IT !
dp:- What are you sick of love ?
kp:- I am sick of feeling like this ! I’m sick of walking like an old woman. My eyes don’t work. I can’t see things properly. I shouldn’t have to have another operation.
She went onto explain that she didn’t want to go in to hospital again and that she was frightened something might happen. I tried to reassure has as best I could. She knows that she has to get it done and that she will feel better for it, but the fear is still there.
kp:- I feel angry. For the first time, I feel angry about me being in this situation.
This is a first. kp has not had the slightest bit of anger until now. Another step in the grieving process no doubt.
So……30 mins ago, she went to bed crying. She wanted to be on her own. Tea is ready shortly, and hopefully she will feel better for that.
