At about 10pm, kp ad I were outside with the dogs. It was lovely and quiet and you could see every star in the sky. We were a little anxious about tomorrow and whether they would find any white spots on Cleo’s Chest X-ray. Whilst I was looking up at the stars, I saw the most amazing shooting star. It wasn’t the normal “gone in a flash” one, this was markedly bigger and easily visible with a huge tail of fire behind it. I nearly spat my fag out as I shouted :-

dp:- KKAARREENN, look at that ! Shooting Star !

Unfortunately, by the time kp looked up it had gone. It probably lasted about a second or just over (a long time for a shooting star) but it wasn’t time enough for kp to react. Then came the bollocking :-

kp:- You frightened the life out of me. Don’t shout like that !

dp:- But, but, but…

I shut up.

We talked for a little while longer, before heading in. Cleo was lying very peacefully on the lawn. kp went to stroke her but she couldn’t bend down enough to give her the big love she wanted to give. She turned round to walk into the house and she was crying her eyes out.

kp:- I can’t even give Cleo a love.

I comforted her as best I could. But it wasn’t enough.

kp:- I am sick of being trapped in this body. I just want to be better now !

I can’t recall seeing her this upset before. It made me very sad.

kp:- I have had enough. I just want to get out of here. I am going to sleep (still crying)

We got in bed and she cuddled up into me and just cried and cried.

dp:- You have come so far love.

kp:- I hate it when people say that. It doesn’t change the way I am now. Do you understand how I feel ?

I explained that I could imagine how frustrated she must be and rattled off examples of every day things she finds hard. I then started to talk about Hitler and World War 2, as you do. I was trying to draw an analogy about how she was fighting a war and there were many battles to be fought along the way to winning. Some she’d win, some she wouldn’t. But she’d win most of them and Hitler would be defeated. Well, her wailing turned to crying so my mad analogy obviously helped a bit.

She then gradually started crying less, not saying a word – less and less crying until she fell asleep in my arms. I was well pleased. By this time, I had got a sweat on and had to push her away – she didn’t wake up thankfully.