Karen got up about 1.30am and didn’t come back to bed until 5am (unbeknownst to me)

She was feeling depressed she told me this morning. We both had a really bad day today.

Normally we make a really good couple, when kp is down, I pick her up, and vice versa. Today……….

kp:- Why do I bother carrying on ? I feel like ending it all, but I am too much of a coward.

dp:- I know how you feel love. What IS the point ?

We carried on to have a conversation trying to find some purpose to our lives. We didn’t find any.

The nub of it is we have a lovely house, dogs, car, etc etc… and we love each other very much, but what are we here for ?!

Both Karen and I really wanted kids, and as bloggers who know us, will know, we can’t have our own kids for various reasons…so when the IVF process ends, it leaves you with a kind of “what now ?!”. We did adoption, and could have had kids that way, but we wanted our OWN kids.

I think we are now at a point, where we have got kp through the worst of her accident and her rehab and now it is a case of just working at kp’s rehab, but with time to think of the big picture.

We are both struggling with it. Neither of us has answers

But, thanks to the NP, we know that distraction helps kp get through these bad times (me too), so false as it may be, we need to come up with 5 days a week distractions and 2 days a week for ourselves to restrengthen.

That’s our short/medium term plan.

We have decided to try and keep things busy to get us through this bad patch. We started today. We went to the shops to get some food in for Angela and Chrissy’s visit tomorrow. I let kp go into the butchers on her own while I dropped a letter off at the Post Box. I came back to the butchers to find kp chasing a pound coin (she had dropped) round the butcher’s floor to pay him. She then offered to cross the road herself while I went to the chemist. NO WAY JOSE !!!!! That was NOT going to happen. kp doesn’t see things on the left, and I could well imagine another hospital stay if she tried to cross the road on her own.

When we got home, we did an extended physio session, trying to keep busy….

Here is kp polishing the table with her left arm ….

And here is kp trying to move her walking stick in the air with her left and right hands…..

That’s it for today. Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow….I seemed to say that a lot recently !