Day 298 – Monday 20th February 2006
Karen got up about 1.30am and didn’t come back to bed until 5am (unbeknownst to me)
She was feeling depressed she told me this morning. We both had a really bad day today.
Normally we make a really good couple, when kp is down, I pick her up, and vice versa. Today……….
kp:- Why do I bother carrying on ? I feel like ending it all, but I am too much of a coward.
dp:- I know how you feel love. What IS the point ?
We carried on to have a conversation trying to find some purpose to our lives. We didn’t find any.
The nub of it is we have a lovely house, dogs, car, etc etc… and we love each other very much, but what are we here for ?!
Both Karen and I really wanted kids, and as bloggers who know us, will know, we can’t have our own kids for various reasons…so when the IVF process ends, it leaves you with a kind of “what now ?!”. We did adoption, and could have had kids that way, but we wanted our OWN kids.
I think we are now at a point, where we have got kp through the worst of her accident and her rehab and now it is a case of just working at kp’s rehab, but with time to think of the big picture.
We are both struggling with it. Neither of us has answers
But, thanks to the NP, we know that distraction helps kp get through these bad times (me too), so false as it may be, we need to come up with 5 days a week distractions and 2 days a week for ourselves to restrengthen.
That’s our short/medium term plan.
We have decided to try and keep things busy to get us through this bad patch. We started today. We went to the shops to get some food in for Angela and Chrissy’s visit tomorrow. I let kp go into the butchers on her own while I dropped a letter off at the Post Box. I came back to the butchers to find kp chasing a pound coin (she had dropped) round the butcher’s floor to pay him. She then offered to cross the road herself while I went to the chemist. NO WAY JOSE !!!!! That was NOT going to happen. kp doesn’t see things on the left, and I could well imagine another hospital stay if she tried to cross the road on her own.
When we got home, we did an extended physio session, trying to keep busy….
Here is kp polishing the table with her left arm ….
And here is kp trying to move her walking stick in the air with her left and right hands…..
That’s it for today. Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow….I seemed to say that a lot recently !
February 20th, 2006 at 8:29 pm
Oh well Karen,
I’ve just spent the last 1/2 hour blogging you and it went somewhere into the blogging ether!!
So here’s my shortend version.
Can’t wait to see you and David in two weeks. Hows about me staying till Monday, why, cos I’d love a roast beef and Yorkshire pudding Sunday lunch. Look, us single girls don’t get to do such things for ourselves. How sad would that be making yorkshire puds for one!!
Anyway I’ll also have my car, so we can pop out if you want. Or we can stay in if we want.
I apologise in advance for Jane not being there and not cooking breakfast. So you’ll both just have to put up with my version of Jane’s breakfast.
Sorry to say, as much as I love you both, but I’m missing the dogs as well.
I’ve been to Bristol and back today to see the National Blood Service. I wanted to say, do you know about my great friend Karen? Who is one of the bravest people I know. But I didn’t. Why didn’t I say it, cos I would have got too emotional. And guess what who care’s if they don’t, cos one of the best things in life is having roast beef and yorkshire pudding with your friends (sorry plus a good glass of red)
See you soon
Lots of Love
Veronica (Ronnie)
February 21st, 2006 at 2:55 pm
Karen & David,
I’ve just read the blog. Im not to good on letting people know my feelings but i feel theres things i need you both to know.
I feel quite tearfull at the minute whilst im trying to put my thoughts into words, i want you both to know how much of a great part in my life you play, and not just mine i,ve got 2 children who truly adore both of you also.
Whenever i have ever needed help, advice or just someone to listen to me while i have a winge you have always been there for me, i know thats sounds so selfish and that im going on about what you can do for me, but it means so much that you are there for me, im 26 and more often than not i find myself needing your sound advice, i trust your opinion so much because you have the ability to look from so many different points of view.
I hope you can see how much you mean to everybody, there is no change now to how we all felt before karens accident, just get people like me who said nothing and now i want to tell the world how proud and lucky i feel to have an aunt and uncle like the both of you.
I really do feel blessed with the family i have got and also members we have lost, i couldnt bear to lose any more loved ones.
Really looking forward to visiting you on wednesday, i love to be at yours, its such a change for me that i enjoy, i particulary like the company.
Hope i havent gone on to much, every word is meant, to david aswell as to karen,
Love you both so much xxx
p.s karen your not just my aunt your my godmother aswell, remember? when i was about abbies age everytime you went home id cry so much and repeat them words to anyone who would listen.