Monday saw a change in mood, with kp as flat as a pancake when she woke up. When Nat arrived, there were a few tears. I found it heartbreaking after such a good long run of an upbeat kp. I was very fed up and went to bed for the afternoon.

We think it stemmed from the fact she was overdoing the rehab. Everything was too much for her. If she’s not doing “Hand Gym”, she’s doing shoulder loosening exercises etc etc…..We discussed it as a threesome, and it was agreed to lighten up the week somewhat for this and the next week. This helped a bit, and Syd’s visit (Case Manager) in the afternoon, cemented the lift in her mood and by the night time, things were much better.

Tuesday was double physio, a lunch out, and the rest of the afternoon was spent planning the rest of the week.

Wednesday’s are a day off and she went to see “Slumdog Millionaire” with Nat. She really enjoyed it, and it’s the first film she HASN’T fallen asleep since the accident ! I went over to Bolton Abbey to meet up with mum, dad and Joanna (grandpa’s lady friend) who was a big part of my life when I was a little’un. Unfortunately, forgot to take a photo, but it was a gorgeous meal, and great to see Joanna. The plates were that clean when we had finished our meals that they wouldn’t have had to wash them, just reuse ! The restaurant was the “Devonshire Arms” in Bolton Abbey if anyone fancies a great meal !

Wednesday night, Karen had a GREAT sleep. Deep and Long, but when she woke up, she was really flat again ! Thankfully, she had a psychologist session planned, but the weather was so bad, we had to turn back at Stanley and never made it. So, another flat day

That night, she had an awful night’s sleep. She maybe only banked about 45 minutes sleep, so virtually NO SLEEP, yet she woke up as perky as a perky thing that is very perky indeed. Weird !!!  So, good sleep = flat, bad sleep = perky ?! Where’s the logic in that ?

She went to the Gym with Nat and did 1.5 miles on the treadmill, but paid the price big time the next day. I don’t think she’ll be doing that again in a hurry.

The rest of the day was spent planning a more laid back week for next week. And quite right too. This is a marathon and not a sprint.

The weekend has been an eye opener.

We had a great Saturday. Lovely walk with the dogs, if not a bit too cold and icy for our liking. Karen got a call from another patient of Dr Yellowlees who wanted to discuss Fentanyl patches. I think Karen enjoyed discussing how she finds them etc etc….and helping the lady who phoned. Pizza night with a film about the Jacksons, which got kp quite upset, although she didn’t tell me at the time.

And Sunday has been a flat day. A crappy walk with the dogs, because of all the ice and mud that is left from the recent bad weather, and a few revelations that aren’t sitting well with me.

So……

I learned today, that kp’s mood hasn’t been as high as she has made out over the last few weeks. Now, it’s been a good few months, and I think that generally, that is accurate, but the last few weeks, although I have spotted the odd flat day, there have been a few more days where she has tried to protect me, by not really sharing her true feelings. It turns out she has not been as good as she made out. She knows how much I am enjoying life at the moment, because I thought she was enjoying life and I think she has been trying to protect me and keep my spirits high. Well, now I know that that is not the case, it’s left me feeling a bit disillusioned. We have had a long chat about it, and she understands that faking happiness does me no favours in the long run. Anyhoo, we are going to discuss it with the psychologist on Tuesday. So, things could be better at the moment, but it’s not all doom and gloom, things are generally better, but I think I am still a bit shocked that they aren’t as good as I thought they were.

Some more things we are now going to discuss with the psychologist include….

Her sleep – It’s getting worse as time progresses. It’s still 10x better than it was 6 months ago, but she is getting an increasing number of nights where she is up for 3 hours in the middle. And the occasional “up all night” is being thrown in too. So, we need to discuss this….and why if she has a good sleep, she feels flat, and vice-versa.

Plus….

Mood – It appears things aren’t as good as I thought they were

Plus….

Appetite – her appetite has been awful for about 4-6 months. She rarely eats a proper meal. She had pizza last night, but most nights she just eats Bran Flakes. This can’t be good, so we’re going to ask Jane’s thoughs on this (psychologist). She can’t “face it”, is the way she describes it. It may be as simple as one of the tablets causing the loss of appetite, but it needs, at the very least, some discussion.

So, that’s our week. Bit of a crappier week, but things aren’t dire, far from it, they’re just not as good as we (or I) thought.