What a day !

Kitchen fitters arrived at 7am on the dot. FIVE of them !! But it felt like more.

I went to work – was there for 7.45am. Marie was coordinating kitchen and dogs !

At 9.30am I had a call from Karen.

kp:- David, you need to come straight away. Mr X (consultant) has been round and told me loads of stuff and I can’t take it all in (she was crying).

Something about 6-12 weeks, and wearing a cage, and floppy foot.

Well, I was none-the-wiser and so made my escape from work as best I could and headed to the hospital.

kp was distraught when I arrived. She was upset about everything the consultant had said and was 100% convinced she was going to die during the op.

dp :- You’re not going to die. Karen, you have been 10x weaker than this and sailed through similar ops.

kp (crying) :- Yes, but this is the way it happens. Just when you think you’re past the worst of it, you die during an operation like this.

Part of me did think, “aye, she might”, because I shared her thoughts 100%. She took an unusually long time to calm down, but by the time 1pm came, she was quite relaxed.

Before the op, Mr X (consultant) came round to see me and explain to me, what he explained to Karen. In a nutshell, here is what he said …..

• 6-12 weeks recuperation
• She may come out wearing a brace (not a cage) – a brace is apparently a pair of plastercast knickers that lock the hip in place.
• If the nerves get damaged (1% chance), she may have a floppy foot (like Morse (his words not mine)).
• 1-3% chance of infection which is BAD ! He stressed this as “the whole lot would have to come out”.
• There were a few more points, but I am tired and can’t remember them.

At 1.30pm she went off to theatre. He told us the op was 1.5 hours long, so about 3-3.30pm (I thought) she would come out.

Well, the time dragged and dragged and dragged. I was under pain of death that I HAD TO BE there IF she comes out alive. I MUST TELL HER that it went fine. So, I had my orders. Knowing I had at least 1.5 hours, I went for lunch

Then I sat on some respite seats halfway between theatre and the ward, knowing she would have to pass me to get to the ward.

2.30pm came, nowt

3.30pm came, nowt

4.30pm came, I was getting worried.

4.45pm – bloody hell

5pm – right, she’ll be fine.

5.05pm – nah, she’ll be fine

5.06pm – blimey time is passing slowly.

This was what I had been looking at for the last 2.5 hours

And yes, I was gagging to occupy my mind, so I took this picture of myself .

And no, it’s not Brad Pitt, it really is me.

5.15pm, Right, this is silly.

The priest came past and could tell I was worried, but I gave him the cold eye as I couldn’t be doing with calming words. When he came back a second time, I gave my “I am an aethist, agnostic humanist look” and he went on his way again.

Moments later, Mr X walked past. He had forgotten who I was, but I wasn’t going to let him walk on by.

dp:- “How is Karen ?”

Mr X:- “Fine. The operation went fine.”

And by the time he had said the second “fine”, he was out of earshot.

30 minutes later, she was wheeled past me to my great delight. And then of course, the husband battery commenced.

She was still not mentally all there. I couldn’t hear everything she was saying and I started asking her to repeat herself. Bad move !

kp:- David, you MUST listen to what I am saying

I learned quick. Next time I couldn’t hear, I just said nothing. And remarkably it worked, she forgot she had asked the question I think, or perhaps thought she hadn’t asked it. They are great this anaesthetic drugs.

Back on the ward, she was a nightmare. I was doing everything wrong. Visiting hours started shortly after she was back on the ward, and the noise was too much for her. Rather than let me put headphones on her, she quite happily shouted “SSSSssssshhhhhh!”. When that didn’t work, she shouted “Please be quiet” at fellow visitors.

Here is kp very shortly after she was back on the ward.

It was funny as hell. Marie soon arrived as did Marie, Freddy and Adele and they too were laughing at kp’s antics. When she wanted water I was there for her. But I held the straw wrongly and for the wrong period of time. When I withdrew it I wanted more, when I shoved it in, she didn’t want any.

CLICK HERE for a flavour of how you couldn’t say the right thing.

To be fair, she was in a LOT of pain. She was moaning with pain at every breath. Occasionally, she would fall asleep, snore and wake herself up and then moan in pain. The syringe driver of morphine wasn’t responding to every click of the button that Karen wanted it to.

Hopefully tomorrow, she will be in less pain.

As far as we know, the op was a success, but I only think that, because Karen told me that he had said that ?!?!?!