From bad to worse.

A truly awful couple of days. Karen’s mood took a big turn for the worse and she has suffered a mental breakdown

I don’t know if it was the thought of me going back to work or just the final phase of a continually downward trend, but she has really took a turn for the worse. The last couple of days are a bit of a blur. Lots and lots of tears. kp was inconsolable. At one point, I had encouraged her to have a hot bath, and she was crying her heart out in the bath with me trying to comfort her, getting soaked in the process. She fell asleep last night crying her heart out, so sad ! So very very heartbreaking. We had watched a film earlier in the day (“Hostage” (a Bruce Willis film about kidnapping) (very good)), but kp was anxious all the way through it. I noticed things were really wrong when she asked if this was real or a film ?!?!?!? We were up most of the night and at one point, I had left the bedroom to get a drink and kp noticed I wasn’t there. When she got up, she was distraught, as she thought I had been kidnapped. This morning 5am (ish), she couldn’t remember the name of our dogwalker Marie. She thought she was called Sandra. She was convinced “Sandra” would walk the dogs and not bring them back. She thought I worked for MTC (a company I used to work at a few years ago). She wanted to know what her shifts were (for the Blood Service). Very upsetting to hear !

She was convinced she was going mad. She wanted someone to come and give her an injection that would put her to sleep for a few days.

kp:- Will they do that David ? Will they put me to sleep for a few days ?

dp:- i don’t think so love

We already had a psychiatrist coming round next week to see kp (he was away this week). He had already changed her medication from Citalopram (anti-depressant) to Cyprolex (another more effective anti-depressant), but that takes upto 6 weeks to kick in. We couldn’t wait a week to see someone, so I was straight on the phone at 8.30am this morning seeking help for kp. I phoned the doctors, the neuropsychologist and the County Hospital (Psychiatry division).  We would have gone private, money was no object, she had to be seen !! I took the day off work, there was no way I could leave her in this state.

In the end, the County Hospital agreed to send someone round. It was 2 lovely people, a Doctor and a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse). They arrived at 2.15pm and spent about 90 minutes talking to kp. 85 minutes of that was investigation, 5 minutes was prognosis. There were lots of tears along the way, but overall, I think it helped kp seeing them and having a way forward for the future.

At one point, kp asked….

kp:- Am I going mad ?

There was an uneasy pause which I felt was too long, and their reply should have been a bit more speedy, but it came eventually….

CPN :- No, we don’t think you are going mad. This blur between what is real and what is not a real is probably a part of your depression/low mood. When that lifts, and your sleeping patterns get better, and you have more structure to your day, you should find these incidents don’t recur.

Anyway, the way forward is

• The change of anti-depressant
• A change in daytime structure. kp needs to get up at a set time, go to bed at a set time and set herself objectives (no matter how small) for the day
• A series of visits from the local CPN who will talk to kp about the accident, and her feelings of frustration, lack of self esteem etc… it has left her with.

They left moments ago, and although kp isn’t making too much sense at the moment, I do feel she has benefitted from the visit. Initially, it was like getting blood from a stone for the visitors as they tried to get kp to speak, but towards the end, answers were more easy coming.

I’ll take the next few days off work to ensure she is ok. I know she feels better when I am around. Work have been great and say they will help in anyway they can. They have ok’ed me to work from home. I was really concerned for my work that I may be off weeks, but feel that a return to work could be in the offing next week all being well !

So, awful few days, but fingers crossed (YET AGAIN !) that another corner has been turned.