What an awful week.

Karen had managed to book a taxi for Monday to take her to physio for 11.30am. It was coming at 11am. She had planned 2 hours to get ready. She actually ended up getting up at 8.45am allowing her 2 hours to be ready for the taxi. Today, she had purposefully not booked Marie as she wanted to achieve something on her own.

The 2 hours couldn’t have gone more wrong. According to Karen, whilst she was in the shower, someone knocked at the door. It took her a long time to get ready (with a towel round her) and get to the door. During this time, the dogs were going wild (as they do). By the time she had the dogs safely away and she was at the door, the visitor (postlady) had gone, leaving a “Please pick up your parcel at the post office” slip. Karen knew we were expecting the holiday money and so felt really bad she had missed it

Back in the shower. Wash Hair. Done. Just as she got out of the shower, the dogs went wild again for another visitor at the front door. Karen went through the same pallava of trying to get the towel round her, the dogs safely away etc etc….. This time it was the man who cuts the lawn letting her know that he was here and could she get the dogs out of the back garden so he could cut the grass.

She did that and then tried to get ready. Everything went wrong. She couldn’t get her right sock on and by this time was getting very angry with herself (as time was pushing on). When she finally got it on, she started on the bra and tried and tried and tried to get the bra on, but in vain. This was the last straw and at this she broke down. The first I knew of this was a phonecall to me at work.

I had been in work since before 8am. This week was particularly busy for me, as me and my colleague Julie were sitting down with each engineer and explaining some changes that we were implementing. With over 20 people to see, we had scheduled them one after the other from Monday to Thursday. As well as this, all our usual workloads were piling up. So, I am trying to paint a hectic picture here.

My phone silently flashed at me to indicate a call and it popped up saying “Home”.

At the end of one of the One2Ones as we called them (should have been Two2One’s I suppose)….I left the room and phoned Karen…….

Karen was completely distraught. As she spoke, she was sobbing her little heart out………….

Karen :- “I can’t get …..(sob)……ready…..(gasp for breath)……..I CAN’T GET READY !”

For me, this was utterly heartbreaking. Words can’t describe the pain that I felt at being 20 miles away from Karen when she really needed me.

Karen described the events of the morning…..

Karen (still sobbing) :- “………………….and I can’t get my bra on.”

B+stard Bras. They have caused me nothing but grief since I was a teenager. Have bra-makers not heard of velcro ?

Seriously though, it was awful. My first thoughts were to go home, my second thoughts were how important these meetings were for Julie and I in our efforts to move things forward. Aaaaarrggghhh !

The priority was to get Karen off to physio, thinking she would feel better after that. There was no way I could get there in time to get her ready.
dp:- Right…….Why don’t you phone Eileen (ace next door neighbour) and ask her if she can help you with the bra ?

Karen :- I have already thought of that……Eileen works on monday mornings.

Bugger…..At this point, my immediate thought was “Tommy (Eileen’s husband) would be in”. What a stupid thought at such an awful time. Thankfully, it didn’t come out of my mouth.

Tommy would never have managed a bra anyway.

We needed the stress taking out of the situation, so the only other solution was to cancel physio. My next meeting was due to start at this point. I could see Julie chatting to the person, waiting for me to come in.
dp :- Karen……….here’s what you are going to do. I want you to ring the hospital and cancel Physio. Then ring the taxi and cancel that as well. Lydia was going to be picking you up from the hospital wasn’t she ?

kp :- Yes….(still crying, but subsiding a little….)

dp :- Ring Lydia and see if she would come early.
I was keen to get someone there to get the b+stard bra on and to be some company.

dp :- I’ll ring you after this meeting and see how you are getting on.

For me, it was really hard to concentrate on the meeting. And my mind kept reverting back to kp

As soon as it was over, I rang Karen and asked her how she had got on. She had done everything perfectly and the stress was out of the situation. Karen wasn’t as distressed, but was still crying.

I told her I would come home. Karen said that Lydia would be there in 10 minutes so we agreed that I shouldn’t come home.

Lydia took Karen out to lunch, which was nice. I rang Karen back to make sure she paid for Lydia and offered her petrol money. She wouldn’t take the petrol money. Thanks Lydia for rescuing the day for Karen !!!

Since this day, Karen has been VERY subdued. In her words, she feels like an “empty shell”. Tuesday, she just wanted to stay in and be on her own. I phoned the neuropsychologist who is superb at getting Karen out of the doldrums, but she had gone on holiday TODAY, and wouldn’t be back until the 4th of September
Karen rebooked physio for Thursday and Marie came up Wednesday to stay for the night and accompany Karen to physio on the Thursday. With all the hullaballoo of the early part of the week, we had forgot to sort out Karen’s prescription and we desperately needed the drugs for the holiday next week.

Karen sorted this on Thursday, but didn’t enjoy all the phone calls needed.

Last night (thursday night), Karen said…….

kp :- I don’t feel like I am the number 1 priority in your life anymore ?

This was my worst fear realised. I knew that my time at work would make her feel like this. I tried to reassure her that she was, but she cited examples of me forgetting to do the prescriptions, change the pain patches and she was right. I felt awful and tried to reassure her as best I could. I need to up my game !

Today, we went to our appointment with the stroke specialist lady who is advising us on brain injury issues. She was great. We got the usual discussion out of the way, and when she asked Karen how she was generally, Karen broke down into tears and the whole week came out. She started by giving us some pointers on how to cope with these times. It all sounded great. BUT THEN………she headed in the totally wrong direction.

Stroke Specialist Doctor :- …….. It is unlikely you will get back to 100% health.

I was willing and eyeing the lady not to go down this path.

Karen :- What do you mean ?

Stroke Specialist Doctor :- …… It would be wrong of me to say you’re going to get complete recovery…….

I eyeballed her again………

Stroke Specialist Doctor :- But, you’re still making improvements and people continue making improvements for years after a stroke….

She then continued to lighten what she had said.

I was very annoyed that an already ultra-low kp was hearing horrible things from this lady. She was trying to help, but she doesn’t know where Karen is in her head about recovery. Karen is still expecting to be 100% again. Now, Karen is still making improvements and I believe she has a long way to go, but Karen doesn’t want to be told that she won’t get back to 100%.

In the car on the way home, Karen was typically frank……

Karen :- What did she mean by “unlikely to get complete recovery”

dp :- Well, take your eyes for example. We know that your right eye isn’t going to get better.

I said no more, and kp seemed to be happy with this, but I didn’t want to discuss this any further and thankfully she asked no more questions.

Invariably my attempts with Karen to boost her spirit end up talking about all the achievements she has made. From moments from death, to kidney dialysis for life, to walking again, to being left on her own etc….But Karen is “….sick of aiming for things, and achievements”. She just wants to be “normal” again.

She is still really low. We went for a snooze in the afternoon and she woke up not feeling any better. If we can get through tomorrow (Saturday), then I know the holiday and being round all her family will be a great bit of distraction and therapy for her. Roll on Sunday when we fly off to Spain for a week in the sun.